Life In Sepia Tones
by Hikiri
Summary: Life wasn't black and white for them. Black and white implies definition and purpose. Either/or. No, life was Sepia based. The same boring colors melding and blurring with no tangible outline. Together, they might bring back the color and vitality life lost. LeviXOC AU. A bit of Band Fic
1. Chapter 1

"Did you hear about the new guy?"

_There goes the afternoon._ I thought to myself as I walked into the courtyard of the zoo I called home. It was more of a place to stay than a home per say, but somehow 'temporary' never seemed to adequately describe anyone's stay here. It was something called a T.A.P. A stupid acronym for 'Treatment Apartment Program'. Basically it was a place for a bunch of crazies that were well enough to be out of hospitals but not well enough to live on their own. And now there was another resident.

"He was really hot! A little short though," someone responded eagerly to the random question that really should have been seen as rhetorical.

"IDK, he seemed kind of dangerous with those piercings… do you think he has any tattoos?"

_Who the fuck says IDK? Can we use the English language or is saying I don't know not cool enough? It has the same amount of syllables, _Again the rude, surly thought came unbidden only to drift away without ever being uttered. It was always that way though. Think of something to say, find it best not to share it. In this place your every action and word described how sane you were. How normal you were. The object of the game was to stay below the radar. Then again having been a player in _that _game for years, I wasn't so sure of the rules anymore.

Still, it was my personal opinion that the attractiveness of a newcomer was far less important a question than if he were noisy or annoying. No one else seemed to care about the new guy's disposition though, just about what his shoes said about what he liked in a girl. _Really who comes up with this shit?_

Now the last thing I really ever desired in life was to sit and gossip about some crazy who would either be really annoyed by now, if he had sense, or was soaking up the limelight like he was a God damned b-list actor so I did the logical thing. I took the damn stairs. There were only two floors in the complex and yet everyone used the elevator like they were amputees in wheelchairs or something. The stairs were quiet.

Somehow forgetting that the only open room was next to mine, I ran into the hallway from the stairwell only to see a crowd of people at the no longer vacant apartment blocking the way to my door. _Lovely._

It was like we really were in a zoo the way they were trying to get a glimpse into the room that was more confining than any barred and padlocked cage out there as if the new kid was some sort of freak show attraction. _Don't they remember what it was like?_ The thought flitted through like acid through cupped hands leaving a stinging memory of pain. It was never fun being the new person in town.

With that in mind I may or may not have been less than gentle with the onlookers as I pushed by.

"Hey, bitch! I was here first don't shove me like….Oh," the voice belonged to one of the popular girls in the complex. You know one of those people who forgot to evolve past high school and thought that people saying nice things to your face and agreeing with everything you said made you queen of the universe? Yeah, she was one of those maturity rejects. "What are you looking at Riley? Why are you even here? New guy is too hot for you, wanna be Jamaican. Don't worry I'll be sure to tell you what he's like in bed if you really want to know."

Now, just standing there I thought of about three hundred ways to tell the smarmy bitch off ranging anywhere from _'ey mon' just reppin dem dreadz_, to _yes please be sure to get an accurate summary as my life is so sad I must live vicariously through _your_ sexual activities_ but what was my response? "I'm just trying to get to my room." Classic. And it's not like I was saying it to act like she wasn't worth my time. I just wanted to keep way below the radar. I didn't want to be noticed.

The prematurely pruned princess just flipped her hair and made a little sound that could be interpreted as 'as long as we are clear' but was probably more degrading in her mind before shoving me along in my attempt to get home.

Finally getting past the mob I just turned the handle to my room and walked in. I never locked my door because no one bothered me. I'd never had an unwanted guest and nothing ever went missing so I figured it was safe enough. I actually had staff tell me on a couple different occasions that if my door _were_ locked they would be concerned. Yeah, that's right by the way. Staff, cause we have to be managed. It's not like they are there to clean for us; though with the state of some rooms it seemed like people were expecting them to.

Staff were pretty much the worst managers the world had ever seen from the way their clients acted though. To put it in perspective if the collective group of them were to handle a band they would get a gig for a heavy metal group in the god damn bookstore. I mean what group of people in charge of mental health patients of any sort would allow the calamity outside poor "New Guy's" door. I mean that prima donna didn't even know the guy's name. _Seriously this place is, at the very least, a circus._

It wasn't long before the only decent person in the complex, a girl who happened to live across the hall from me, popped her head in; a look of mild amusement on her round face. "Well that's not dying down any time soon." She said as if the thought overjoyed her.

I rolled my eyes. "Did that shitfaced broad, Melissa, give you crap about how she called dibs?" I asked while forcing my eyes to go wide with feigned interest. "Maybe the slut'll get pregnant and be forced to move."

"That's a pretty harsh thing to wish on whoever he is," my friend, Lily, drawled. "You know, all this fuss and I still haven't heard his name."

"Eh, it will be verbal herpes by morning." I reassured her, though secretly amused by the fact that there was all this nonsense at his door and not even a name was given yet.

"Sure enough. Oh hey, speaking of the shitfaced broad, did I hear her call you a 'wanna be Jamaican' again?" Lily plopped herself on the small love seat beside my computer with a sly grin.

"I think it's only 'cause she doesn't know what a hippie is, honestly, or she would switch it up. Pirate is too cool of a label to be an insult ever since that one movie came out or she would do that too." I said with an under exaggerated shrug. "But since white girls with dreadlocks aren't in her fashion magazines it's too strange and must be wrong."

"Don't worry. You're just going through a phase Riley. You'll turn to time honored pop sensibilities in no time and everything will make sense." Lily rested a mocking hand on my shoulder as she nodded her head slowly but emphatically. "That or some pop star will get dreads and everything will still make sense."

"Whatever." I enjoyed Lily because she was the only person here who could make fun of any situation and keep a straight face. The difference between her and I was that she could say all this stuff and not mean it whereas I meant all this sarcasm and negative mentality but couldn't say it. She was a good person who just wanted to make a friend laugh. I was a closet bitch that had no one to vent to on how I _really_ felt about anything.

"So," Lily said with a grin. "If you could ask your new neighbor one thing what would it be? I would ask what it's like to be in a cage."

"We all _know _what it feels like living here, Lily." I told her firmly. "I don't know though, probably just if he has ever heard of Sepia."

"You and that band," she scoffed. "Have you heard the rumor that they stopped posting music because they got a record deal and are working on creating an album?"

"I hadn't. But how would a record label even find them? No one knows who they are or how many people are in the band or anything! That's what is so great about them. No image. No publicity. Just music." As I paused to think on how great a band just in it to make music was Lily glanced at me with a small smile.

"Would you forsake them if they made it big and had to have an image and publicity?" She knew the answer of course, I could tell by that sly smile that I felt the need to glare at.

"No, I think I would just be happy they were making songs again." An alarm went off inside Lily's pocket after a few quiet minutes and my friend swore lightly.

"They'll be calling me for meds soon," She announced with a frown as if I didn't know what the alarm signified. "You are _so_ lucky you don't have to take any!" And with that Lily trounced to the door and flung herself across the hall to sit by her phone instead of just going to the med room.

Before the door closed I registered that the mob of residents formerly stationed outside the next door apartment seemed to have dispersed. The miracle of silence made me smile because I knew I would be breaking that silence into little pieces and stabbing each piece in the heart with sound waves of amazing rock and roll. Lily wouldn't be back after her meds anyway, they knocked her out like a tranquilizer in a circus animal's ass. If only they effected everyone that way. This place would be a much quieter place at night.

It was getting to be well past the hour when decent people went to bed anyway which is to say I was getting a second kick of energy. Still I got dressed for bed; kicking off my jeans and replacing my sweater with an oversized tank top that seemed more like a pool for me than an article of clothing. Without much thought for the new neighbor now residing next door I plugged my speakers into my computer and turned my iTunes to a playlist composed completely of my favorite band; Sepia.

I was sauntering around cleaning random little messes around my room to the sound of my music when I heard my door pop open. I swirled around in shock to see the much vaunted new guy glaring at me. Slamming my foot down mid-spin to stop myself I felt my face flush as I became aware of my attire and the fact that half my bra was showing because I had turned with the ferocity of a ballerina on crack.

Now, normally I would stay below the radar. Normally I would be apologetic and ask how I could help him but as I took in the person before me who, all things said and done, was a measly inch taller than me at best and was glaring at me like I kicked his dog I realized my bullshit tolerance level was still maxed from the brief encounter I had with Melissa. One too many pointed comments and all. So, instead of politely inquiring as to why this asshole was standing there glaring at me while I gaped awkwardly at him in nothing but a tank top, the words "What can I help you with?" Came out tinted nicely with 'Get the fuck out' and slathered with 'I'm going to slit your throat'.

He didn't even bother with the polite words/violent undertone combo and instead said with no amount of bullshit, "The fact that your shitty taste in music is playing so loud my wall is thrumming is making it difficult to sleep."

"Sorry it didn't occur to me that I would have to take my neighbor's musical preferences into account, but as a helpful chunk of knowledge for the newbie, the walls are so thin you'll hear it even if I have it on low. Suck it up Princess," was my rather fast retort.

It was, however, pointless bravado ass the newcomer pushed the door open like he was in a western as he walked in, the amused quirk of his mouth at odds with the pissed annoyance expressed in steel grey eyes. That's when I remember: living here meant something was _wrong _with you. Still I stood there a smirk of my own trying not to quiver as I told myself not to get punked so easily.

The guy just walked past me to my computer where he glared at the list of songs currently playing.

"Sepia," the word came out with a sneer as he unplugged not only the speakers but my computer's power cord as well. "Don't play _that_ band anymore."

Without waiting for a reply he turned around and stalked out of the room. It was only after I locked my door and rebooted my computer (intending to wage audio warfare on startup) that I realized I _still_ had no idea what the guy's name was.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well here you go, second chapter. Thank you so much to the people who have followed or favorited and also to those who have reviewed. I should warn here, especially for anyone who has read other works I have written. This is going to have a lot of darkness, especially in the two main characters' pasts. That's why this is rated M. Keep it in mind. Thank you for your interest and ON WITH THE SHOW!**

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Chapter 2

This small battle of dominance lasted several days. For five days I played Sepia and other bands of similar taste at a volume that, had it been through headphones, would have deafened me. Sometimes the _still _nameless guy would pound on my door and later my wall when a song by the band he seemed to hate so much came on, but that reaction petered out when it yielded no response.

It was the fifth day since his arrival when a delicate knock far different from the beating the newest resident gave it previously sounded off my door. I knew who it was and cringed in annoyance. Five days of stubborn and slightly pointless media warfare awarded a sense of rebellious confidence though and, still feeling that, if only a little, I opened the door as Melissa began to sigh loudly in impatience. She would show up, clockwork as a cuckoo, to use my computer like it was her God given right every seven days.

Today I blocked the door.

"I was actually going to take a shower," was the oh so clever excuse I gave because, even with my little rebellion going on, I still couldn't just tell the bitch off.

She saw through it. "Like you have someone to look pretty for, just shower later. I bet you don't even shave your legs. Why don't you…" At this point several doors were open with the heads of unnecessarily "concerned" residents popping out and, as luck would have it, the door separating the short punk ass from the rest of society creaked open like it was a horror movie prop.

"If you're going to insult someone at least make factual statements." His voice sounded groggy and half-awake even though it was two in the afternoon. "That being said, her legs are not actually hairy."

"Oh, you're the new guy!" Melissa jumped on him faster than flames on a dry log. "My name is…"

"Don't care; not interested." The new guy's raven haired head poked through the door, a disgruntled look on his face.

Before the queen bee could skip lines in her connect the dots, as she was apt at doing when it suited her, I shot the reply, "You should really knock."

"You should really lock your door if you going to walk around in nothing but a tank top." His nonchalance made me want to punch him.

"_Nothing_ but a tank top?" Melissa crowed excitedly. "Like not even underwear?"

"I thought the underwear was a given." My neighbor said glibly. "However, on the topic of sluts with no underwear, I got an interesting note asking if I wanted a 'good time'. The chick signed it with a p.s that read 'I'm not wearing any panties.'" A couple people up and down the hall snickered and I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling at how ridiculous the people living here were. "Anyway, if anyone is friends with someone named Melissa let her know that while I do enjoy random sex with casual acquaintances I have standards and make a habit of not fucking whores who forget basic hygiene up to and including the use of underwear." The entire time he said this, the man's gaze was fixed directly on the sender of said note like her knew _exactly_ who she was. "Now, can I go back to sleep or will there be more bitching? Because from where I stand, her answer to whatever it is you want in there is no."

That being said he pulled away from the door and snapped it shut, adding a note of finality to his comments. Melissa stood; jaw working in a vain attempt to voice whatever brilliant comeback was surely in her pocket, unable to process not only being rejected but insulted with the thorough skills of an expert. I just nodded politely to the confused princess and closed my own door. After the slightest hesitation I sighed and stomped to my computer. I mean, the guy did me a major solid and to be honest that was genuinely the best comment ever thrown at Melissa, be it to her face or otherwise, and I really felt he deserved a truce. With that in mind, all the while telling myself a truce is not a loss on either side, I turned my music down to a mere whisper, at least compared to the ear shattering volume it was at.

I was planning on reading some fan fiction or perhaps surfing a few manga sites but a knock on my door stopped me from sitting on the hardest seat known to mankind. I thought at first it would be Melissa coming back with a vengeance and, considering that, I have no idea why I actually opened the door anyway, but the guy from next door, you know the one who said he was going to bed? Yeah he walked in, brushing past me like I was a valet or bellhop or something.

"Thought you were going to bed again or something," I managed to spit the words out after the shock of being disregarded in my own room dissipated.

"I thought you were taking a shower." The guy turned giving me a profile of his face like some God damned movie star in a dramatic role and I lost it. I hadn't laughed so hard in weeks. I mean this short little punk ass comes in acting like he owns the place when he's gotta be 5'3 and has the surliest attitude I have ever seen. He keeps his eyes half hooded and I mean I am not one to comment on hairstyle but buzz it or grow it out. "What?" He demanded like he didn't realize how ridiculous he was.

"You realize," I managed to wheeze, "That you live in a mental health apartment program… and your hair…is literally bi polar?"

His response was not what I was expecting. Most people would feel at least ridiculed and therefore slightly insulted but by the time I finished laughing and managed to straighten myself up the guy just had a smirk on his face, like he knew the answers to everything.

"And do you realize that that's not nearly as bad as a shitty woman who can't speak her mind in front of a slutty bully who will never learn how to act or treat people but can throw out any comment she pleases to someone who has seen her and spoken to her twice?" The residual grin left my face in a heartbeat but he still had that smirk that said he was superior and knew it.

After a substantial pause, in which I decided that I acted way too familiar with this guy, I smoothed the shocked expression off my face and replaced it with a docile smile. "I apologize for my crass behavior; I will be sure to…"

I almost finished my sentence when he walked over to me. Without any warning he cuffed the back of my head, his smirk replaced with a deep frown.

"Are you actually stupid or are you choosing to misunderstand?" His voice was deadpanned and his face stoic, but the look in his eyes was fierce and serious. I probably had the most ridiculous look of confusion on my face in the world because he sighed and walked over to plop onto my couch. "Look, you can either take the advice and opinions of people around you, take the advice and opinions of people you trust, or live by your own standards."

"What do you do then?" The question came out more sarcastic than I wanted it to. I really was curious but more than a little annoyed that this guy just came in here with life advice after acting like I was a ficus upon entering my apartment.

He glanced up at me from where he was lying on the couch, titling his head backwards over the arm as he replied. "It doesn't matter what I do. Do you really want to live your life any one way because someone else does it? And anyway just because I do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Far from it, in fact."

"Then why even bring it up?" I felt like my tone required me to cross my arms and pout like a reprimanded child or something.

"Because you're being contradictory. You speak your mind around one person and hide in front of a polite and helpful demeanor to everyone else I have seen or heard you around. The walls are thin, remember? Even that girl you hang out with; you act like your thoughts are a joke with her right? How can you call someone a friend if they don't know who you are?"

My mind felt a bit foggy for a second but then I realized a flaw in his commenting which I jumped at eagerly. "You say it doesn't matter what you do, but earlier you asked if I was choosing to misunderstand when I apologized. Isn't that a contradiction?"

The stoic look on his face remained but his eyes held a certain humor floating around in their steel coloring. "Not at all. I told you what I did was irrelevant. You obviously care what people think of you so I was telling you what I thought of you in the hopes that you would realize something from it that you don't get from your other interactions. Let me put it this way: you don't live by your own standards, nor do you take advice or opinions from people you trust, hell I don't even know if you trust anyone. That means anything anyone says or does to you is something you weigh heavily. As far as I can tell you only change your natural behavior around me. I don't understand it; maybe I piss you off. Point is you're not gaining anything with this act of yours are you?"

He paused and I knew he was waiting for a response, at least a signal that I was following. I was clueless as to what he was trying to say so I just stared at him.

"You really are an idiot, Shitty Woman." He said with a sigh. "I am trying to say to just be yourself around everyone since you do it so easily with me. Though, conversely it would work if you stopped acting so familiar with me, I find your comments and attitude much more bearable without the simpering polite act. At least it makes you seem less mindless."

The words sunk in and I immediately began trying to discredit them mentally. As I tried to tear down the idea that he placed in me it hit me that he was basically a stranger. What was his motivation for all this? "Why bother telling me any of this?" At least I didn't sound like a bitch that time.

"Because you turned that shit down." Came his simple response.

"So it's because you won?"

"Oh, was that a game to you?" Again he tipped his head backwards to look at me; still standing by the door. "It was a retarded and annoying game then. I figured you decided to stop being a shitty stubborn woman who was embarrassed I saw her without any pants on. Anyone who can be stubborn for that long deserves a medal."

"Why do you dislike Sepia so much?" The question was probably the most irrelevant thing I could ask, but I was suddenly incredibly curious.

Instead of answering my question he asked one of his own. "Why do you listen to that shit band?"

"Because I like them." _Genius response there Riley._ I thought.

"Yes, but why?"

"I'm a fan of good lyrics…" I began but he interrupted me.

"You do realize their lyricist probably slapped random sappy shit together right?"

"Some of it," I admitted fairly. "It's also the vocals…"

Again the interruption, "He's nothing special."

"It isn't in his tone or pitch. It's not what he tries to sound like."

"Then what?" He sounded and looked annoyed.

"At the risk of sounding like a fantasy filled fangirl…"

"This ought to be good." He mumbled.

"He sounds, I don't know…sad…lonely."

"Well I guess everyone does have a reason to live here." He retorted, basically calling me crazy.

"Whatever," was my clever and witty rejoinder. "Listen to the music sometime. He sounds unfulfilled."

"Well some people don't deserve fulfillment. Maybe he's one of them. How you can hear _that_ in someone's voice is something I don't want to wonder about. I'm going to bed now, Shitty Woman. Keep the unfulfilled musician down, would you?"

"Night New Guy." I said as he walked past, an annoyed look still on his face.

"It's Levi." He told me calmly before walking out the door and into his own crazy suite leaving me to realize a few things.

One: I just said goodnight to someone before three in the afternoon.

Two: I just heard the new guy's name.

Three: Levi might be the new most tolerable person here (though I still adored Lily).


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Two weeks passed with the swiftness that only a holiday season could provide and I still had no idea why New Guy Levi decided to have such a profound conversation with me for no reason. I hate to admit that someone I barely knew had gotten to me, but the little prick made a lot of sense. All this time in the mental health system, living with a bogus diagnosis and a psychiatric team that thought the past I told them was a delusion, I played by a set of rules that weren't even written down. Stay below the radar. Don't antagonize others. Don't antagonize the system. Last thing I thought I could want was attention, random crazies getting riled up, or staff whose purpose I had yet to figure out making my life hell because they were just as emotionally unstable as the residents.

But after a considerable amount of reluctant thought I came to a sudden realization. The guy had a point. And oh did I hate admitting that. I don't know why but for that first week he _annoyed _me. Not so much because of what he said and did but because I paid attention to it. He would make a back handed comment and I would think about it for way longer than necessary. Anything he said, really, was weighed heavier on the 'bullshit I care about' scale than anything anyone else said.

I knew what this was.

Any girl alive would know what this was.

I had a crush on him like some high school idiot doused in hormones. All I needed was a sprinkling of angst and it would be just like that hell. Only stupider. The problem was that Levi came over at least once every two days and I couldn't bring myself to try and get rid of him. There was no reason to make things weird or awkward on something that was a passing fancy. I mean the guy has admitted to being a man whore. What in the actual hell is attractive about a guy like that?

As always my musings were interrupted speak of the devil style as if he actually knew when I was thinking about him. The knock on my door was short and sounded a bit impatient. Kind of like the person who knocked on it.

When he came over, Levi and I never talked about anything too personal. The closest we ever got to important information was philosophy at which point Levi told me to talk to him about it again when I had an original thought in my head. He had yet to call me by my name though he knew what it was. Instead he always called me by an insult. Usually he called me Shitty Woman.

Again the sound of knocking. "Hang on! Don't get your panties in a twist!" I called as I paused the video I was watching. It was a Vlog by a fellow Sepia fan so I was almost entirely certain Levi would not care.

"I prefer not to think about how uncomfortable 'panties' would be to wear." He said with a smirk that I was starting to think was the only way he knew how to smile.

"You could always borrow a pair from one of the girls. They would be so happy." I said with a mocking grin of my own.

"I'm starting to think I liked the polite you better." His voice was barely above a mutter but he continued with more volume as he rejected the idea like I needed him to. "I would also prefer not to think of all the diseases I would contract from such an action." At this Levi reached into his pocket and pulled out a case of some sort. It was a box really, flat and made of metal. From this box he pulled a cigarette and all I could do was stare at him in confusion. "It's been a long day." With that explanation the idiot pulled out a lighter as if he were going to ignite said cigarette.

"Whoa, wait!" I cautioned loudly, causing him to grimace at me.

"If you are going to blurt out the ramifications of cigarettes or tell me anything about cancer I will shove my foot up your ass faster than you can inhale my second hand smoke." His glare was really something else and for what felt like the millionth time in the two week span of our friendship, if that's what he considered us, I burst out laughing. "Is there a reason you always laugh at me?" He sounded genuinely irritated.

Without answering the question that was just waiting to open a can of worms I gestured lazily to the smoke detector right above my guest's head. He raised an eyebrow at me. Just one. God damn diva. Suppressing another giggle I sighed, "They are sensitive. Smoking is only permitted outside."

"Then come outside. You're like idiot repellant." He didn't really ask so much as demand so of course I protested.

"Hell no, it's cold as balls out there!" While not about the topic I should complain about it was a nonetheless accurate enough objection.

"Interesting choice of words. It leads me to wonder whose balls you have touched and why they were cold. I could always light up in here and then you would actually be forced to go outside, right?" _Why_ did I like this guy?

And of course I ended up going outside with him. And of course no one bothered him. I was, in fact, grade A retard repellant. Levi did tell me a rare bit of personal information though. He didn't smoke often; only when he was very _very_ stressed out or incredibly annoyed. Today, he assured me, was both. I couldn't get anything else out of him though so instead I changed subjects as snow drifted in a harsh wind off the banks on the roofs.

"What are you going to do next week?" I figured if I asked nonchalantly he would tell me right away but that was not happening.

"Next week?" He was so good at playing the uninformed idiot that I almost believed him. Unfortunately I paid way too much attention to the man and he gave his amusement away with a quick upward quirk of his lips. It lasted less than a tenth of a second but unless I was hallucinating I saw it. But I still played along. It really was more fun that way. Or at least that is what I told myself.

"A week from today is Christmas, Levi." The smile on my face quickly fell as he flicked the butt of his cigarette into the snow beside the deposit receptacle. There was a look I could not quite describe on his face. If I thought it was possible I would equate it to pain, but it didn't seem possible for him to be in so much pain that it showed when he never displayed anything of note anyway.

As if to distract himself, he nodded to Melissa and her cohorts crowded around a snowed in bench wearing heels and jeans with too many holes to be practical; smoke puffed from half of them while the air turned white from the cold as the other half of the group exhaled in time to the girls who were actually smoking. "They really are stupid sluts."

"Did you ever notice you always have something to say about other people." I pointed out, it's not like I was defending Melissa and crew but the habit did strike me as odd coming from the person who told me not to care what people think.

"What's your point?" Levi glanced over at me as he crossed his arms.

"You have never said anything about me." I tried not to sound curious but I knew he would catch it.

"A friend has told me many times that it is frowned upon to insult people you do not hate being around so I have refrained." He watched my face carefully for a moment; I looked away before he continued. "What does it matter? Is it so great to be considered beautiful by others? To be admired?"

I could feel his eyes on me but I just looked out somewhere over Melissa's left shoulder. I wanted to reply. I wanted to tell him the truth; that yes, it was great to be admired. I wanted to ask him what he knew anyway but even without looking over I knew he had that same odd expression on his face. I could hear the pain painting his words red.

When he continued there was acid in his tone. "The unfortunate thing about beauty is that being considered beautiful changes the average person into something they ought not be. The allure of being considered attractive to people can often take the things that were good about someone and warp them. Confidence becomes pride. Charity becomes condescendence." Another pause followed that and I still had nothing to say. The acid left his voice though and he sounded…lost. "It is rare to find a truly good person who is also pleasant to look at. I've met one and still can't place her worth."

I wanted to cheer him up, awful as I was at such things, but an emotional Levi wasn't something I knew how to handle. It's not that I didn't want him showing another side of himself. I just had no experience in how to help. So my dumbass made a joke.

"Are you gay, perchance?" Thankfully he was neither offended nor was he dwelling on whatever it was that made him change into that sorrowful person I was not used to.

"Does it matter?" The nonchalance in his voice was bravado but I had to give him props. He ranked up to an A list actor that day. "Would being gay make me less interesting to you? Perhaps I should get you a list of my past partners if that is the case. It is quite long and a rather scandalous read if you are into that kind of thing." I chose to blame my blush on the cold wind.

After a while he answered my initial question. We were climbing the stairs when he paused and looked down the two stair difference to me. "I'll be here throughout the holidays." He admitted as if he were commenting on drying paint, as if it wasn't important where he would be or who he would be with on a major holiday and was boring to contemplate. "I have a few friends coming over Christmas day but hopefully they won't stay long."

"I suppose you'll be on my couch all Christmas Eve day then?" Again he raised that one brow at me but I couldn't bring myself to laugh in his face as I thought of the odd, heavy expression he wore earlier. "It's not like I have anywhere to go so for me it's like any other day."

"You are getting too used to me." It didn't quite sound like a complaint though Levi let loose an incredibly long sigh after he spoke.

"Pfft, I've known you two weeks New Guy. The novelty will wear off." I smiled, "Besides, I never make close friends with the crazies. Someone eventually moves or gets annoyed. There is always drama because everyone here is a gossiper. It's not worth it. Now you, I don't know your diagnosis, but you're at least OCD. You are the biggest clean freak I have ever met. That means you're a crazy like the rest of us so I can't be friends with you."

"So you're saying I am a shiny new toy?" Levi asked. He tried to sound annoyed but I knew from the barely held back smile that he found it funny.

"Maybe not shiny…" I teased. I have never teased anyone in my life. Why did I feel flirty? This guy was not someone I should be attracted to. He was also becoming more of a friend than I needed in a place like this. That was what was so weird. I didn't _make_ friends. I just didn't. So why could I not get that image of his face filling up with pain out of my head.

A small look of agitation passed through his eyes which, after a good eight days, I learned to watch for reactions more than anywhere else. I never had the courage to ask why but there was always a time in our conversations that Levi just became annoyed. I figured it was me in some way but would always rationalize it away with the thought that if I pissed the guy off so much he would stop coming by. And again it mattered way too much.

_Is it even normal to fall for someone in less than two weeks? No, I am not 'falling for him' it's a harmless, meaningless crush based off the fact that he talks to me. I don't even think he's attractive…well there is…no, not going there. He's a weird twerp._

We both walked back into my room, Levi in the lead like he owned the place, and again he asked, "Why do you always laugh at me?" He plopped onto the couch, putting his feet up as if the damn thing could possibly be comfortable.

I had to think on how to answer that. I mean, I knew the answer but I didn't know how to explain it without laughing. "You are just so dramatic." At that he raised a single eyebrow again and it set me off. As the giggles subsided I pointed at him from where I sat on my bed. "See, that! That right there! It's like you're always on a stage. You move dramatically, you make dramatic gestures. And to be honest it just throws me off."

"Throws you off?" His voice sounded a bit angry but I could only guess at how he was really taking the criticism. Maybe he really was mad.

"I think it is because I really am not used to you. You put off a certain vibe; a fuck the world and everyone in it sorta feel. But then you do something with that slightly sassy, dramatic flair of yours and… has anyone ever told you that you act like you should be a rock star?" It sounded left field, even to me, but it was the only way I could think to equate his eccentric behavior. I could see it, hundreds of thousands of people cheering his name and he just stood there, glaring at the crowd and perhaps throwing out an insult that they ate up like a bunch of little masochists.

"Are you sure you don't need meds?" It was Levi's not too subtle way of telling me I was being ridiculous and that I should have shut up three sentences ago.

"I'm just saying you… hey where are you going?" While I began talking, Mr. Attitude swung his legs off the couch and stood up.

"I have to go buy presents for those friends I mentioned tomorrow. If you can refrain from being as ridiculous as you were just then I'll bring you along." At my confused but excited look Levi explained his motives and crashed me down a bit. "I don't feel like coming home with more than presents and bringing you along will make the less desperate tramps leave me alone. People do assume way too much after all."

"Grade A idiot repellent at your service, sir!" I tried not to sound like I was holding back a pout but I still sounded petulant as fuck. In response Levi smirked at me before heading next door, leaving me to my own devices.

It felt like ages ago but the Sepia Vlogger was still on my computer screen after I shook the mouse to wake the hulking machine back up. I just wasn't in the mood to do anything but sleep now, though, so I bookmarked the page and turned on some music before passing out.

* * *

**A/N: I realize the story line is probably really fast but I decided I didn't really want to write another thirty chapter story if I could avoid it. For that I apologize. I am just trying to get to the meat of the story, though I might go back and loosen things up a bit after everything is said and done. If it is going alright though for all y'all, please let me know. Much love.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"So they put cameras up all over the complex but they don't have _any_ in the med room?" I was on the phone with Lily even though she was probably just sitting across the hall pouting. She hadn't come over in a week and after a life time of beating around the bush she made it clear that she was protesting.

"_There aren't any in the stairwells or the elevator either."_ Lily's voice crackled a bit because neither of us had very good phones. I swear my flip phone was from the 1800s. Hers was not much better. "_How's your new friend?"_

And thus the topic my friend was protesting came up. I don't know whether it was because she didn't like Levi specifically or if she was less than thrilled about me making friends in general but I had gathered that Levi hanging out with me was unacceptable in her mind. _See, this is why we can't have nice things. _I told myself. _People with territorial issues over friends they make in the wacko basket are exactly the reason I don't make friends here._

"I guess he's ok, not positive. He generally has a stick up his ass though so as ok as he can be I am sure." Was my response. I was still trying not to overload anyone, aside from Levi, with my sarcasm and overall negative outlook on things in general. Levi, who was turning out to be a better therapist than the one I _paid_ to see, told me I would most likely mellow out after I aired the stagnant bullshit. I asked him why he was still a prick at that point and he simply shrugged and told me he was still trying to cleanse his own mind of all the stupid he had seen.

"I heard that." My door swung open and there stood Mr. Stick himself.

"_Busted." _ Lily snickered from her end. "_I bet he is so pissed!"_

Levi rolled his eyes indicating he could hear the surprisingly youthful woman. Snatching my phone from me he said in his blunt way. "Brat, the Shitty Woman has to go now." As he tossed the phone back to me he said quite clearly, "If you don't hang up I will moan the entire time we are on the bus, regardless of whether you are still on the phone for the whole ride or not."

The last thing I heard Lily say was "_Moan? What are you going to do to…_" and I slammed my phone shut because the look on Levi's face made it incredibly clear that he would follow through.

After ten minutes of standing at a ridiculously shaped bus stop in freezing conditions and winds that were supposed to slowly escalate throughout the day we were headed to one of the three malls. Levi was playing music through large, old looking headphones which were hung around his neck so that I could clearly hear the music playing as well. Suddenly, amongst songs from bands like Sleeping with Veils and Pierce the Siren I heard the beginning beats of an older, raunchy pop song and I swear my head turned so fast that my neck cracked three times and I am pretty sure I just slapped my companion in the face with a dread.

"Is that…Is that Buttons?" I tried not to sound judgmental but it was definitely not what I was expecting to hear on _his_ iPod.

He looked down at the screen and smirked, "It appears to be."

"Why do you…" I paused, wondering if I _really_ wanted to know.

"Some people, usually women, prefer better to music. Not many people approve of sexual activities to rock and roll. Well not many easy people." And just like that I became hyper aware of how close we were, sitting on these bus seats side by side even though there were only two other people on the damn thing.

Panicking slightly I thought, _why are we so close, people are going to think…_ And then it hit me. _Oh yeah…I am idiot slut repellent. _As I thought this, Levi began to hum the song and I somehow figured it wasn't because he liked the melody. He was actively torturing me.

"Levi?" I tried to sound and look as menacing as possible as he turned his head to look from out the window to me.

An offbeat, "hmm" was his only response.

"If you don't stop I will rip out your vocal cords." I don't think the threat was all that effective and I attributed to the heated color rising to my face.

"Look who's getting flustered." He had, if possible, an even bigger smirk on his face and for about two point five seconds I allowed myself the thought that he was actually pretty fucking hot. "But, trust me; you would hate yourself for doing that particular action."

It almost felt like I should read further into that but instead I took it baseline, stating, "Yeah losing your sarcastic diatribe would be horrid. The absolute end of me and all that I am. Really." To that he gave the first real smile I had ever seen on his face but even an idiot, let alone a fantasy filled romantic like me, could see the sadness laced there.

"You really are getting too used to me." The song changed to something by Four Days Grace that fit his sudden somber mood as Levi turned back to the window, shutting me out cleanly. Fitting for a clean freak really.

Time passed at a pace more suited to snails stuck in molasses but we remained silent; the only sound between us being the steady flow of music both melancholy and merry and sometimes neither playing as a constant source of distraction from his clunky headphones. There were times when I would fidget with the sleeve of the old wool coat I bought from Salvation Army last year even as it hung over my hand, usually preluding a glance to Levi where he sat, glaring out the window at the snowscape that covered the otherwise dirty city as if he could melt the snow with his annoyed gaze.

After a ten minute wait downtown the bus bound for our destination rolled up, giving us temporary refuge from the now howling wind and the beginnings of snow. Twenty more minutes drown in the silence and huffs of failed attempts to speak brought us to the mall's bus terminal.

* * *

"I don't get it." I finally exclaimed as we exited a CD store where the third girl of the afternoon had slipped Levi her number.

"Which is it that confuses you, the lack of any purchases thus far or the overabundance of contact information?" For the third time that day Levi balled the shred of paper, a receipt this time, and threw it into a garbage can as we passed it.

"Well I mean it's _you_. What is so alluring about _you_?" The words blurted out bluntly did not sound cutely confused but almost jealous.

"Well these girls are attracted to me for another reason, I am sure, but perhaps you should start by figuring out why I am alluring to you." The words were spoken with such common sense and as if they were so common place that if someone were listening; it would be almost jarring to realize Levi was pointing out that he knew I had this crush on him.

My first reaction was defense and with that in mind I stammered, "I am _so_ not…" but he just gave me a bit of a glare, the kind that said he didn't care to be lied to, and so I kept my bullshit to myself.

"As for these girls," Levi continued as if nothing had happened, "You can think of it almost chemically. Think pheromones. Easy people attract easy people. It's an instinct that ensures a good time with no complications or commitments. Besides, rejection hurts less if you know you're only missing out on one night in the first place so…_fuck_." Levi stopped, almost midstride, as a trio of men walked out of the hallmark in front of us.

The group turned our way and they also seemed to freeze. As one, they shifted theirs eyes to me, peering curiously from slightly behind Levi's left shoulder, and I swear I smelled burning ozone. One man, who appeared older than the others with a haircut similar to Levi's, though he seemed to be desperately growing it out and a small sneer, took a step towards me and another, whose long blonde hair was held in a ponytail, grabbed hold of the guys arm as if to hold him back or at least remind him that they were in public.

"It seems the pull of being a lone dog finally slackened Levi." The words were civil enough, you could almost imagine a friend saying them in a joking manner, but the tone he used was so menacing it felt oppressive as if the air were getting thicker. "She would be so proud." The sneer on the man's face deepened, becoming almost unbearable; even more so because it was directed at Levi.

I didn't know who _she_ was or even who these three were but I could figure out who they thought I was. _Polite Riley engage._

"You misunderstand, I'm just…" The man turned to me with such a dirty look of anger and hatred that I faltered and even took a step back. No one wouldn't.

"Nobody was talking to you, you dirty little slut. Hanging out with this _thing_ will leave you'll end up just like…" and before whoever he was could finish Levi was moving so fast I almost couldn't keep my eyes on him as he flew at the man, punching him in the jaw so hard I thought I heard something crack.

Levi just shook his hand out as the unknown tumbled to the ground and back a good foot. The scariest thing about the action was Levi's still stoic face, the impassiveness etched even in his eyes; eyes that never left the instigator.

Straightening slightly he spoke in a cold, detached voice. "I don't plan to commit such a sin, but either way I don't see how it's your concern." Turning slightly towards me, Levi's features and voice still seemed like water trapped under layer upon layer of ice. "You're pretty worthless idiot repellent, aren't you?"

I almost felt like crying, or rather, I did feel like crying but didn't want to show weakness. Not to these men. Not to Levi. Not to anyone. Instead I did the next most mature thing I could think of and ran towards the bus terminal. As I left I heard Levi snort, as if he were _amused_, and one of the other men speak to the third saying, "Come on Gunther let's get Oluo out of here."

Levi didn't come after me. I don't know why some idiot part of me decided he was gonna turn into dapper Mr. Give-A-Fuck but he certainly didn't. I stood at that bus terminal until the place closed and Levi never came out. Figuring the bastard got arrested for assault after all I took the last bus out but I felt like a sheep without wool, all cold and lonely without comfort. It was pretty fucking ridiculous.

A part of me briefly wanted to know what that guy was so riled up about. I wanted to know who they were talking about, what happened to her, and what it had to do with Levi. Was it his ex? Did he beat her or something? Cheat on her? We were almost at the stop in front of the home when a scenario that should not have surprised or upset me rocked me to my core. What if, instead of getting caught up with the cops, he was with someone? A girl, or guy considering, who was willing to entertain him for a night with no complications or commitments.

I don't know what prompted the idea or why it was so horrifying to me but once the idea struck it rooted, digging into my mind like a sliver I couldn't pull out. Every attempt only sunk it deeper and by the time the bus pulled up to my stop I had pictured a dozen different situations all leading to Levi's bedroom.

As I got off the bus the driver gave me a look that seemed to indicate the growth of a second and third head. Bringing a hand to my face curiously, I could feel fresh tracks of tears showcasing my thoughts and emotions, my weaknesses, to the world. Taking a moment to dry my face, thought nothing could be done about my surely bloodshot eyes that would be screaming 'hey look at me I cried, did you look close enough? I don't think you did' I walked past the wrought iron gate that guarded my home, or more like guarded the world from my home, and into the courtyard. Levi was there smoking a cigarette. He was alone, sending anyone who got to close a glare that, if looks could kill, would be covering passersby in flesh eating slugs.

When I passed by him through the first set of double doors Levi didn't glare. He looked right through me. But as I opened the second set he flicked the rest of his cig into the snow and followed me in.

Walking faster than usual, I headed to and up the stairs; Levi following in silence, his boots thumping softly with each step. He continued to walk behind me past his door and to mine before I got the courage to hazard a glance over my shoulder.

He wasn't glaring. He didn't look sad or mad or annoyed. He didn't show anything but a cool exterior that was as impenetrable as marble. I didn't say anything and neither did he. Instead I turned to face forward again, opening the door which both of us walked through.

Once inside, Levi spoke in that same icy, unconcerned way as earlier. "You stayed there all night." It wasn't a question.

"I waited for you but you never showed up. How did you?"

"If I told you I fucked some slut in the food court bathroom and she drove me home would it get you to shut up?" I felt my eyes go wide and my mouth form an astounded 'o' before I could stop myself.

Then anger struck. "Actually that's one of the two options I came up with on the way home. The other had you in handcuffs. And you are the one who followed me in here. It's my room I will talk if I want to, ass hole!"

"Not only would you not put it past me, you actually thought of it yourself?" His voice was quieter but still held as much emotion as a block of ice.

"Well I certainly don't see why you would lie about it and I figure if a woman's, or man's for God's sake, price for a ride home was a ride on you I don't see you turning it down. You have never hid the fact that you're rather fond of sex." I was so angry that as I closed my eyes I could see streaks of white through my otherwise black field of vision.

"What about me, in the two week period of time that you have known me, has led you to believe I am trustworthy?" His voice became haughty, his tone arrogant. "Do you have any idea how hopelessly stupid you sound claiming that you know anything about me? About what I _hide_? You don't know anything; you don't deserve to know anything. Who could you possibly be to me to know what I hide?"

I opened my eyes to study him. Our eyes were the same color but right now his hid behind black bangs and mine were in the open, framed by brown dreadlocks. But beyond that, beyond the one inch height difference, beyond the similar slight builds, I saw him. It might not have been the clearest image and I knew it was heavily biased but I saw. He was closed off and pushing people away. A couple dramatic and sappy metaphors whipped through my mind but for once I ignored them. Instead I focused on two thoughts. _He is forcing himself to live like this. He is forcing himself to hurt._

I don't know the reason. Maybe it's something I don't deserve to know. I might not ever have the right to know _anything_ about him. But I realized it didn't matter if I knew what happened or who that girl was. The obvious thing to me was that no matter what it was Levi was consumed with guilt. And that mattered to me. How had I managed to care about him so thoroughly in just this much time?

All this time I considered myself normal, I told myself I was not crazy, but wasn't this attraction proof of insanity?

_He's pushing me away anyway, that punk ass little…_ And another revelation hit me like my mind was a wife beater, _I have been too_. I insulted him with every thought and I refused to really think on the few compliments that popped up. _Everyone is here for a reason. _It meant more than just the philosophical bullshit that people assumed when you lived in a place for loons.

With these new thoughts I smiled.

Levi dropped his act and looked at me in shock before falling back into another habit. "What?" He sounded annoyed, his arms crossing and his feet planting a bit firmer.

"So you're staying here again tonight, right?" I was still smiling as if I won some bullshit lottery.

Levi paused. It was a guess but I thought maybe he didn't really believe in this alone nonsense full force and he also didn't want someone to casually fuck who would be out of his life before he woke up. I don't know if anything about me and Levi would ever become 'us' I just knew, even if it was only with the part of my mind that belonged in a romantic comedy, that if Levi really was going to push me out he would have. He wouldn't have followed me into this room and we would not be arguing. He had no time for things that did not matter. No room for mess and clutter in his life. Tonight specifically, those men brought up something that put Mr. Piss-off on the defensive.

In a way I had my proof right there. He paused. He didn't take the immediate out. He has spent more than one night on my couch out of sheer laziness so it's not like I was offering something new he could exploit and he knew he could just snort and walk out. Now it was all down to his desire to be alone or in company. In answer he stared at me for a long moment before flopping down on my couch like I was crazy to assume otherwise.

"You're not going to ask." Again the statement that was worded like it could be a question. As if Levi ever asked when he could command.

"Don't care; not interested." I echoed the words he used two weeks ago and felt it was kind of pathetic that I remembered.

"You're a shitty liar, Shitty Woman."

I sighed. "It's not like I need to know to be around you and I guess I can agree that it is not something that I have earned, deserved or have the right to." I shrugged, still standing near the door.

"Just shut up and turn off the lights. Being held up by security guards was boring and tiring." His eyes were already closed.

"No more than the food court bathroom rendezvous I assume." I said archly. "Did you at least have fun?" The majority of me was sure that there had been no bathroom sex if only because Levi would have an aneurism over how disgusting the public restroom was but it couldn't hurt to check, even though I kept reminding myself over and over that I had no claim on the guy.

Levi opened one eye, raising he eyebrow above it. "And here I thought you were getting used to me. Clearly you are not close enough to detect my bullshit. If I had sex I wouldn't have been so pissed off all night. Now turn off the God damn lights, Shitty Woman!"

I did so muttering that I had a name and witnessing a nanosecond flicker of a smile.

* * *

**A/N: Well a bit of a notice here I suppose. I read on terms and conditions something about using real people and how that's not allowed so I tweaked band names. I figure I will put the real names here in case anyone wants to look music up.**

**Pierce the Siren = Pierce the Veil**

**Sleeping With Veils = Sleeping With Sirens.**

**Four Days Grace = Three Days Grace.**

**And the song Buttons that was mentioned is by the Pussycat Dolls.**

**In this chapter is a look at the first characters from SnK aside from Levi. Oluo might seem a bit OOC but just wait to find out why.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was well after midnight when the Shitty Woman finally fell asleep, her breathing slow and even and calm. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness of her room well enough that I could discern shapes and darker than black shadows coming from those shapes. It wasn't the lack of sight that kept me awake in this person's room. Many things worried me in life and many things haunted me but I was not afraid of the dark.

Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the known.

When fighting wasn't an option anymore, when fists could not solve the burden weighing me down, I lost my ability to reason. And now this. With a promise not to do anything craven to her still in effect I had no obvious means to counter the blister forming in my heart.

It hurt as it bubbled and expanded all the while pushing the puss and pollution of infection from that life pumping organ like I could somehow be healed. Eventually that bubble would burst leaving a hole of equal volume in its wake; a hole that could only be filled by an emotion that I did not deserve. After all, some people did not deserve fulfillment and if I could not love _that_ woman I should not be permitted to love any woman. If I could not be satisfied by _her_ love I did not have the right to anyone's love. The Shitty Woman was no different.

She reminded me she had a name earlier but names were too familiar. Too close. I barely called my most treasured friends by name anymore. I had no need for closeness when I only destroyed beauty; the sun that burned off Icarus' wings.

And yet, I could not push her away, this shitty woman who clung to my thoughts like dust on velvet. The only thing I could think was to force her to run and run she had…right back to me. That smile. How could someone smile in a situation like that? That small knowing smile that seemed to understand exactly what I was doing even before I realized my own actions.

And that stupid offer. Stay the night? I had in the past like it was nothing but never after so thoroughly trashing her emotions. I treated her like dirt, going so far as to make up some bullshit encounter in a bathroom, and she just smiled and let me sleep here as if she knew I didn't want to leave. The me that didn't deserve to love or be loved did not want to be alone. Pathetic.

_I will make her run. _With that in mind I slide as soundlessly as possible off the couch and slipped my shirt off. I promised her I would not do anything but honestly who could sleep with so much clothing on. I knew for a fact she wasn't wearing any pants anyway. _Too trusting_.

She was sleeping curled up on the wall and I was sure she would stay against that wall, on the far side of the bed, all night but waking with me so close would piss her off. She would yell and kick me out and tell me to never come back. Problem solved.

But as I slid between her comforter and fitted sheet, her regular sheet having been kicked down to the end of the bed, the girl who flinched if I touched her too suddenly and protested me leaning in too close, as if she were a God damn virgin or something, actually moved towards me as if seeking my warmth. As if she was seeking me.

This wasn't going to work but as sure as I was terrible I came up with a reason to stay like that. She curled up beside me, her hair in that ridiculous style that made me think she was dirty at first was scratching against my chest as her cheek came to rest above my heart, her left hand curling just below my right pectoral. _I should move_. The thought was a constant droning hum. _I should move. Get away. Don't make things worse. _Instead I lay there willing my heart to beat slower or even to stop all together as I unsuccessfully fought the urge to wrap my arm around her.

Two opposing thoughts filled me one angering me and one warming me for a different reason.

_This was a mistake. But at least she won't be gone in the morning._

* * *

Riley's Point of View

I woke up the next day with the feeling that something was gently wrapped around my waist but quickly forgot the sensation as I mumbled contently about being warm before snuggling closer to the source of said warmth. The surface under my cheek and hand was warm and smooth and while I couldn't understand why it slowly rose and fell regularly. I was too comfortable and drowsy to really care.

"If you're awake now get the hell off of me. I am not your damn pillow!" Levi's voice seemed to be echoing from above my head as whatever I was laying on rumbled leading me through the quickest game of connect the dots ever as I shot away from him in shock and confusion.

"What in the _hell,_ Levi!" I admit I shrieked like I saw a mouse.

Levi paused as he seemed to do more often now before deadpanning in his usual stoic way, "I have told you before I wouldn't do anything."

"Explain me waking up like _that_ then!"

"You did that yourself and really, what man would push a girl away when she was actually trying to be close?"

"I. Was. Sleeping!" I was trying very hard not to shout but I wanted it to be very clear that I was unconscious at the time.

"Which means you really wanted to be close. Don't be."

I was unsure of how to reply to that so I just rolled my eyes, acting like he was being over dramatic again.

After that our day progress normally, or rather as normal as could be expected in a T.A.P. There was still the random guy shouting at the voices in his head and the old lady begging everyone and their god mother for cigarettes but Levi just sat on my couch and I just messed around on my computer. There was no mention of the unusual wakeup call or Levi's terse warning. Even with all this, things seemed off.

Levi seemed less amused in his responses and at times, when I got the chance to look close enough, there was something almost like anger in his eyes. Or disappointment.

At first I thought that maybe I was reading into it too much. Maybe I thought I was close enough to Levi to understand things, arrogant as that assumption would be. But this continued on until Christmas Eve Day which, as was offered, Levi spent on my couch.

"This could be worse," he commented a little past ten that night, though whether he meant the Punk Goes Christmas playlist I was forcing on him or the day as a whole was up in the air. I wasn't really sure because we proved to have similar taste in music aside from Sepia.

"Well aren't you a bundle of Christmas spirit?" I snapped. Twenty minutes ago the jerk decided to point out a smudge…on my _ceiling _and I was now standing on a chair on my tippy toes armed with a soapy sponge.

"I think you got it," he told me as he eyed my handiwork from his spot.

"Good, now help me down!"

"Pfft, you're short as hell but even you can step off a fucking chair." He rolled his eyes before really looking at my mildly freaked out face.

"Big steps scare me." I informed him as he actually got off his ass and walked to stand in front of me. I looked away because hell was this embarrassing but an amused snort had me redirecting my attention to the prick. He had another smirk on his face and it made me look away again, this time because he really was attractive with that expression.

Without another word and with no warning whatsoever, Levi placed a hand on either side of my hips, causing me to flinch in surprise and before I could protest he lifted me off the chair. It was most definitely not the help I was expecting, nor was I expecting Levi to lean in and plant a quick, soft kiss on my lips but that happened too. Least of all was I expecting for him to not only pop, but completely decimate, the happy little bubble of _oh yay_ I got from the action by looking incredibly pissed for all of four seconds before losing all emotion in his face and voice again as he abruptly said goodnight and stiffly walked out the door.

_What…in the fuck?_ I just stood there in front of the chair he helped me off of, staring at the door with the sponge clenched violently in my hand. Thoughts akin to running after him and perhaps playing 'how many punches does it take to kill the asshole' flitted through my mind but my pride, which seemed to be rearing its tacky golden head a little too much as of late, wasn't going to allow that. The guy wasn't my boyfriend and he sure as hell was not my lover; he had no claim on me and I would be delusional to think I had any on him.

But he knew how I felt, he made that clear the other day in the mall. With that thought a small pebble lodged itself into my mental gears until the gears jammed and anger erupted from the sparks and flying parts of the once well-oiled machine that combined my thoughts and temper into logic and order.

I couldn't think. That asshole certainly didn't bother. Not about my feelings, not about his actions. He did what he pleased. What really got to me was the fact that I could do _nothing_ to affect him. He obviously didn't give enough of a damn for my actions to mean anything.

I tried to focus on something else but when a Christmas Shoes cover came on I got an idea. Levi hated Sepia, and while it had already been established three weeks ago how little me blaring the band affected him I thought it might make me feel better. Walking over, I locked my door but seeing as how Levi was the one to teach me to unlock the doors here with a butter knife if he wanted to get in he would. From there I got dressed for bed in my habitual tank top that was three sizes too big. The last thing I heard over Sepia's vocalist singing about not giving a fuck was something like furniture scraping across the floor.

Three hours later I crashed out of dream land to the sound of glass shattering. My initial, shocked reaction was that Levi was actually throwing a hissy fit but other thoughts kicked in when I heard what song was playing.

_Always,  
Always just out of reach from my,  
Over frustrated,  
Shameful hands.  
And I never,  
Never expected that I would ever,  
No never take for granted your precious time._

_To your grave I spoke,  
Holding a red,  
Red rose.  
Gusts of freezing cold air,  
Whispers to me,  
You're gone._

A week after the stupid truce I called, Levi walked into the my room while this song was on and scoffed.

"_Do you know what it's like; losing someone? Or are you listening for the unfulfilled voice again?"_

"_Everyone knows loss you ass." _For a while that day I explained about a close friend who took her own life. "_She died four years ago and I still think that anyone I see with long straight blonde hair might be her."_

The look on Levi's face at the mention of suicide was something I could never forget. He didn't look sad or annoyed, he had such a look of longing and at the same time a morbid curiosity it was almost chilling.

And that's when I put it together. The sound of shattering glass, a song about death and regret, and above all, Levi had been off.

"Shit!" I ran to my door like there was a fire under my ass, still only clad in a shirt that was way too big and without any pants, stopping only long enough to grab a butter knife in case the jerk locked his door. All that kept running through my head on repeat, like a song I didn't want stuck in my head, was that something was _wrong_.

Butter knife at the ready I grabbed the handle to Levi's door, surprised when it gave way, turning so quickly that I felt a sharp pain shoot up my arm as the knob jarred to a stop; but when I tried to open it the door stubbornly stayed closed.

I screamed his name. I probably wasn't keeping a low profile right now as I pounded on my neighbor's door with barely any clothes on but it didn't matter.

"LEVI!" There was no response so I began to push on the door, remembering the sound of moving furniture before I fell asleep. Each scrape of wood against linoleum now felt like a small victory.

Minutes later, though it felt like hours to me, I was able to squeeze inside though a giant dresser still blocked my path. Levi was sitting on the bed staring with glazed, unfocused eyes at a long, wicked shard of glass which he held in his left hand. I called to him again as I clambered over the dresser thinking this had better not be a joke. For once I wasn't even bothered stepping off so high up, my only concern lay with getting to Levi who wasn't responding at all.

I was a good three feet away from the idiot when the hand holding that surprisingly thick shard rose, holding the glass parallel to his carotid artery. I didn't have time to think; all I could do was react and while part of me was sure Levi would stop at the last minute and smirk telling me I was a foolish shitty woman every part of me was filled with this strong urge to protect him.

With those feelings of anger, fear, and anxiety bubbling around my heart I lunged myself at this idiot that I really was too involved with and I prayed. The scream of pain that erupted from my mouth as the shard of glass stabbed into my arm was a clear indication of my success. And really it's surprising what a shard of glass embedded into one's arm does to a person because I, the girl who always held back what she said and always kept the so called status quo developed the inability to shut up.

I don't even know what I said just that it was weeks-worth of emotion and that I meant every word. I wasn't angry. In fact I got the distinct impression that I was pleading with him though he just looked at me in shock the whole time.

"Riley…" It was the first time he ever called me by name and at that moment, delirious from pain and relief, with my arm bleeding down the collar of his light blue shirt while a certain lightheadedness grasped at me it was music unlike any other. "I get it. Breathe. I need to move your arm so I can call someone to help."

It was odd to me that Levi sounded so calm. He wasn't angry or worried or sad but he wasn't that ice cold stranger either. At my nod Levi slowly lowered my injured right arm from around his neck as I gritted my teeth, every small jostle making me want to scream again. Without looking over at me he pulled a small flip phone from the pocket of a jacket hanging over his closet door and used the first number on speed dial.

"Erwin…I don't have time for your stupid holiday greeting Shitty Eyebrows…No, it's not me…Just bring your shit would you?...Yes it's an emergency why else would I call?...Yes my room…I told you not for me." He ended the call quickly before disappearing into his bathroom only to return with a wet washcloth.

"Erwin?" I know there were more pressing matters to talk about, mainly things that involved me getting stabbed to save his neck from the same injury but we would get to that.

"A friend. He's got enough medical training to patch up your arm. He's sewn me up after a knife fight or two before." Levi busied himself by gently placing the washcloth under my arm; he wouldn't look at me.

"You're not going to tell me off?" I didn't exactly mean to ask that but once I did I realized I really was afraid at how angry he might be.

Levi changed the subject slightly instead, saying, "I wasn't expecting you to come. I wasn't expecting anyone really. I only moved that dresser because it seemed like a good idea three hours ago. I thought you were going to come nag me." Levi paused before looking me in eye, his were a bit concerned but at the same time he was trying to hide behind apathy. "Did you mean what you said?"

I looked down, feeling worried. "I hope I didn't say anything rude or weird or anything, I don't even know what came out of my mouth. But for what it's worth I know that whatever I said was sincere."

"Well," Levi said with a humorless chuckle, "We are all here for a reason." And it might have been me indulging in romantic fantasy but I don't think he meant here as in the T.A.P.

Before I could respond the door slammed open in a rush and a tall man with blonde hair and ridiculously groomed eyebrows walked in with a small duffle bag across his chest. Upon spotting us his eyes widened a bit before a professional sort of common sense took over.

"Levi," he said calmly, "I am sure there is an incredibly good reason as to why a half-naked young woman is sitting on your bed with a shard of glass sticking out of her arm. Care to inform me?"

"I'll explain later, Shitty Eyebrows, just help."

I felt myself flinch as this new guy grabbed my arm so he could inspect it, muttering as he did about missing veins and arteries. Just then a particularly loud song began to play from my room. It was Sepia's first recording. At the sound of the intro Erwin looked up in shock, his eyes going past me and straight to Levi.

Levi was glaring at him like he was trying to make his friend spontaneously combust. "Don't say unnecessary things, Shitty Eyebrows." He warned, leading me to guess that Erwin knew why Levi hated Sepia so much.

"You still haven't told me why you hate them so much." I spoke more to distract myself than because I was expecting an answer.

"I don't hate Sepia," Levi finally admitted but I was more confused than before as he continued. "I just don't like listening to them."

"But isn't that the same thing. It's a band. The purpose of a band is to play music. If you don't like listening to the music they play how can you like a band?"

"You ask too many questions, Shitty Woman?"

Erwin's raised an eyebrow at that. "Shitty woman?"

"According to Levi. My name is Riley." The self-introduction seemed to be necessary seeing as how Levi wasn't giving any names.

"Erwin." The taller man said more to be polite than anything as his eyes honed in on the bloodstain slowly sinking into Levi's collar. "Levi," he tried again only to have the raven head sigh and shake his head.

"Tomorrow. Just patch her up for now. I'll explain what happened to you and the others and I will explain why to her tomorrow." The tone Levi used didn't really offer much room for debate. He was firm and unyielding.

"Miss Riley…" Erwin's voice broke through my dazed thoughts and I glanced over at him. He didn't sound worried but he sounded a bit too professional and it was annoying. I mean, I am not one to believe that whole if you're his friend you are my friend nonsense but… "Riley?"

My head snapped up again and Erwin gave a professional smile that only seemed a little strained. "I'm going to pull this out and look for any chips. It will hurt a bit but bear with it."

Before I could reply, the makeshift doctor yanked the damn thing out of my arm swiftly before holding my cut open with a pair of tweezers as he eyeballed for chips. To say it would hurt a bit was an understatement but just as quickly the tweezers were pulled away and the blonde was pushing at the wound with gloved fingers. Without any warning Erwin stabbed a needle with some kind of thick thread through the edge of the wound and began to sew.

I think I invented new swear words over the next ten minutes.

Once the cut was sewn, Levi went to the nightstand across his room and pulled out a bottle of contraband in the form of aspirin. He swung over to the fridge for a bottle of water before handing me four tabs of aspirin and the water. As I took the pain medication I realized I was tired. It was as if the energy that filled me at the sight of Levi sitting there prepared to end it left and took everything I had with it. My energy was a gold digging divorcee. No pre-nuptial, just exhaustion. I did find the energy to protest when Levi shoved me over to make room for himself on the bed; his bed.

"You staying here tonight is not an option and I refuse to sleep on the couch in my own down room." He told me tersely. "Now sit there, I need to talk to Erwin for a minute."

Levi stood back up and walked out the door with his friend. The last thing I heard before I passed out was, "That's the second time you have said my name today." Erwin sounded surprised but pleased.

* * *

**A/N Sorry this took so long, and I know Levi is probably seeming really OOC for this chapter but I think the explanation justifies the actions. **

**Songs Used:**

**There was brief mention of a song by Dope called I Don't Give A ….**

**And the song that had lyrics in this chapter is:**

**A New Hope by Broken Iris.**

**Review if you want, but thanks for reading either way!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Just a warning that this chapter may have some triggers for people. I will try to be more careful noting this in subsequent chapters.**

Chapter 6

"That's the second time you have said my name today." Erwin's smile was getting on my nerves but I knew his pleasant doctor act would let up when there was no one listening. As if on cue, the door shut and the Shitty Eyebrows dropped the smile and instead gave me a long calculating look.

It was times like these with that look in his eye that I remembered exactly who Erwin Smith was and what he had gone through. What we had gone through together. I didn't believe in ranking friends, hell I didn't believe in friends. But if I did, he would be the best one I ever had. Needless to say, I knew that when he looked at me with that long, judging but thoughtful gaze he at least had a few things on his mind. And I never did like what the punk had to say.

"You haven't told her anything have you?" Erwin paused but he wasn't stupid, he knew the answer to his dumb question and he knew that I was aware of that. With no answer forthcoming he sighed heavily. "That makes you twice the idiot. You are always so sure people will run,"

"They will." I interrupted.

He continued like I hadn't spoken, "But then you get close to this girl without telling her a single thing. And attempting…" I opened my mouth to lie but it was a pointless gesture as the Shitty Eyebrows grabbed my shirt in one fist, pointing at the bloodstain with his other hand. "Explain it then. I know something happened tonight, and while I won't reduce myself to guessing I know it sure as hell wasn't because she played _that_ song."

"Tomorrow." I wasn't going to repeat myself and the other friends coming tomorrow would need to be told too.

Again Erwin sighed as if he couldn't understand me. "Why did you follow me out, anyway? You knew what I would say."

I didn't want to say it. It was so foreign, but just because Erwin was always there. He was always willing to drop everything and come just like I would for him. I never thought to say it before. This woman was making me soft. "Thank you."

It wasn't the most gracious expression of gratitude but the man in front of me looked shocked before his face fell into a pattern of discomfort. I knew this would be awkward. "Explain it thoroughly tomorrow, Levi." With that he turned and headed out for another couple hours of rest.

When I got back in my room Riley was already fast asleep so I took off my shirt briefly regretting the fact that I should still wear pants and slid into bed beside her. For the second time in as many opportunities the little chit wormed her way closer to me and, if I looked past the dreads making my chest itch, it was the most comforting thing I had experienced in years.

My initial reaction was to move away. To use her as much as I could and then drop her. But her words seemed to have shocked that way of thinking into submission. If she really meant those words she deserved to know what brought about the situation that forced her to say them so pleadingly.

* * *

Riley's Point Of View:

I woke up out of a dead sleep to a sharp, biting pain in my arm and the feeling that I was entangled. It didn't take long for things to sort themselves out in my head and I quickly remembered the events of last night. I was in the process of deciding exactly how I was going to make Levi pay for this shit when a groggy voice softly spoke somewhere above my head and I felt the cliché butterflies in my stomach feeling. _Why in the HELL does he have to sound so sexy when I am trying to plan his demise?_

"Go back to bed, Riley." _Okay, so if this was a forum for one of the manga I read someone would be mentioning exploding ovaries._ The thought almost made me laugh but before I could I felt that same tangled feeling as something tightened around my legs. It felt warm and soft but there was a cutoff and from there the only thing pressed to my leg was cloth. And cue freak out. I wasn't tangled with a sheet or cover. I was entwined with _him_.

My mind did one hell of a revolution as pointless information about his sexual proclivity and the fact that we were not dating so why the hell was he so close collided into each other spreading panic in the crashes wake. As I tried to get away Levi just sighed.

"Hold still before you knee me in the balls, Shitty Woman." He sounded less groggy and more irritated now. "It's your damn fault we ended up like that so fucking relax." I was still trying to get away when I felt his hand clamp down on my thigh and I froze. "Relax." He repeated before slowly pulling away from me. "Better?" He asked me and while I was expecting him to sound sarcastic or condescending he actually sounded sincere. My response was to nod and take a deep breath. "Good, now go back to bed; it's only four in the morning."

After a few panicky minutes I calmed down on the opposite side of his bed and fell back to sleep unaware that my body would just bring me right back to him.

It was a much more reasonable hour for the common population when I woke up a second time; considering it was 11:30 now. I was once again pressed against Levi like a leech and I really was beginning to think this was my fault but I comforted myself with the thought that at least this time we weren't laced together so thoroughly. I tried to pull away from him but when I unwrapped my leg from his Levi opened one eye, making it very clear that he was not sleeping, and wrapped the arm around my waist a bit tighter.

Speaking in a voice that I would call normal for him, bar the fact that he wasn't as deadpanned, instead of the groggy just woke up voice I heard last night, Levi demanded, "And where are you going?"

I thought for a good twenty seconds about all the rude ways I could tell him it was none of his business but I shut myself up as I tried to pushed away from him and that sharp pain shot through my right arm again. I don't know what a normal person would want in this situation. I don't know that someone considered normal would try to kill themselves. But if it were me I would want _someone_ to be around. I didn't know about Levi though. What did someone who went through personal relationships like he went through bleach desire when he was upset? Was Levi upset? Was he over it? Did he want me around? Was I just the nuisance who stopped him?

With all these thoughts in my head I just stared at him for over a minute of silence before I remembered that he asked a question.

"I was going to shower and do all the hygiene habits of a healthy person." I tried not to sound too unlike myself but I think the concern was still obvious and if it was, he noticed it.

Making a face Levi pulled away from me before saying, "Good, your breath is killing me, God damn."

_What an ass!_ Was the first thought I had but then I just smirked and retorted with, "Yeah and yours smells like daisies and sunshine Princess."

"Just go," he snarled. Climbing out of his bed with a small bow, as if to say 'by your leave' I scampered to his door only to hear Levi clear his throat. It only took a few seconds for me to realize I was _still_ without pants. "Second drawer, right hand side."

In confusion I looked over my shoulder only to see Levi nodding at the dresser Erwin had easily pushed to the side last night. Inside the second drawer on the right hand side was a pair of pajama pants neatly folded on top of a pile of similar clothing.

"I'll be sure to wash them before I give them back."

"Don't bother; you probably suck at such things." Before I could retort to that the idiot smirked again and reminded me of the smudge that he pointed out last night.

"That and this are two different things," I complained quickly. "You're the weird one for noticing that mark in the first place."

"Just hurry up and get going, Stink Breath."

In the end I couldn't think of a reply to that so I stalked off in a huff.

From there I took a nice long shower made overly complicated by my efforts to keep my stitched and bandaged arm dry, dried my dreads thoroughly, and got dressed in clothing I normally thought too out there to wear but that I enjoyed more than any other kind. Only after all that did I remember that I never watched that Sepia fan's Vlog from a week ago.

To a fan, the news on that episode was exciting in a life changing way. I didn't have anyone else to share this news with so I flew out of my room and into Levi's. He wouldn't care and might even get angry but I had to tell _someone._ Bursting in without knocking, because lord only knows he was already asleep again, I couldn't help the excitement that had me jumping up and down. Levi was sitting on his bed, an amused look on his face.

"Levi, Levi, Sepia got a record deal! They are playing a debut concert in New York on New Year's Eve!"

"Are they really?" He drawled. I nodded emphatically, this was big news and it took all my effort to not dance around happily. "And why are you telling me?"

I felt a little less excited at that, he could at least humor me, but I explained anyway, "I don't have anyone else to tell."

There was a snicker from further into the room and I turned, nonplussed, to see three people sitting there. Erwin was easily identified from last night but the other two were new to me. One, a woman with brown hair in a messy ponytail and square framed glasses, was still smiling at me indulgently while the other was a man with facial hair and the biggest nose I had ever seen.

"So, you're a fan?" The woman asked, her eyes glinting excitedly.

"Mhmm, I think they are amazing!" I grinned hoping that she was someone I could talk to about my favorite band.

"They?" She had an impish grin on her face that seemed fun. "You don't believe that rumor that it's one person?"

"Impossible!" I might have spoken a bit louder than I intended but at the woman's confused look I continued; trying to make sense as best I could. "If one person was playing all those roles they would have to be bipolar or something."

"More of this shit?" Levi snorted.

"Well think about it! The drummer is energetic and upbeat, and I would say she was a girl. It's how she plays. The bassist is definitely a guy. He has a disciplined feel to his playing but at the same time he has gone against the grain, he doesn't follow any set rules about his music; he doesn't box himself in by convention to achieve what he wants. The second guitarist and pianist is the same person and he is seems like a quieter person, you can tell that he's loyal and cares a lot about people. And then the lead guitarist, well, I bet any amount of money he's also the vocalist."

"Why?" This woman had so many questions, but she sat there, leaning forward with a huge grin on her face clearly interested.

"His guitar has the same feel as his voice…like he is…"

Levi cut me off. "You act like you know them."

"Pfft, it's impossible to know who Sepia is," I told him firmly. "They don't _want_ to be known. I mean they probably have no choice now but they used to go through all sorts of lengths to remain hidden and keep their privacy."

"What were you saying about the vocalist?" The guy with the nose asked.

"Oh, um…well…" It was difficult to for a sentence with the stranger staring at me so intently so again Levi interrupted me, answering the question in my stead.

"She thinks he sounds unfulfilled." He looked amused. "Well, Shitty Woman, I wasn't going to get you anything for Christmas but considering," and here he looked pointedly at my bandaged arm, "but first I promised explanations. I will start with why that happened last night."

I nodded before looking for a place to sit, the way Levi was acting something serious was going down and I felt that before long my feet would slide from under me. Levi solved the dilemma for me by gesturing to the bed next to him.

"This is also an explanation of why I am here," he told me bluntly. "A year ago me and these three idiots used to go to a lot of shows. I had people I could consider friends, or at the very least people who didn't hate me, but I still didn't get into relationships, preferring only those that lasted until the sun came up.

"There were a few women who tried but I was better known for rude responses or, if they were attractive, using their affections to my own gain. There was a girl we ran into almost constantly back then, named Petra. She and I would talk about bands and music but not much else. She was the kind and gentle sort who didn't bat an eyelash at anyone no matter how vulgar or disgusting they were but she never swore herself.

"A week before Christmas we were all at a show when Petra came over to me. She looked nervous, like one of those girls who would ask me out. Not only did she confess her feelings, she told me she had a future planned for us, down to how many kids we would have, their genders, their names, how they would look. She said she wanted to devote herself to me.

"Normally I would have been mean. I would have called her crazy and told her to get away from me but I didn't. She was the darling of the scene and at the time all I could think was to avoid drama for once. I told her that my average response would be to use her, sleep with her, and then never talk to her again but that I didn't want half the people I knew wanting to kill me over her. She gave a smile like she understood and then calmly walked away.

"A week passed and on Christmas a trio of her closest friends…the ones you met at the mall, well they came over asking if we felt like some debauchery. You know, snowballing couples, knocking over snowmen, spray painting cuss words in peoples' lawns. Agreeing we all hauled off, swinging by Petra's apartment but when we knocked no one answered."

I felt my breathing become a bit harsh and worried at Petra's confession but now my hands flew to cover my mouth. It couldn't be…

Levi just continued as if he didn't notice my reaction. "Oluo had a spare key for emergencies and let us in. The place was full of black flies, swarming with them, and the apartment had the worst smell I could imagine. We followed that stench to her bedroom. Petra was hanging, bloated and blue from her closet. Her friend, Erd, immediately called 911 while Oluo stood in shock, the other one, Gunther, walked out. Meanwhile, I was drawn to a letter sitting on her bed.

"The letter was addressed to me and said that if she couldn't live with my love she didn't want to live. If she could not give me the devotion she had she did not want to be devoted to life. She blamed me in that note and after that I decided that since I could not accept her love I was not allowed to accept anyone's love. If I could not love her I had no business loving anybody." Once finished Levi just sat there. I don't know what he was expecting, maybe for me to tell him he was awful, call him a murderer of something. Instead I stood up from his bed, planting my feet firmly in front of him and, gritting my teeth against the oncoming pain to my arm, I slapped the ever living shit out of him.

Before he could so much as blink I grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him hard. None of his friends intervened but considering they _let_ him think this way for a God damn year I was pissed at them anyway.

"You stupid, foolish, gullible, shitty little punk!" I shouted in time to the human metronome I made him into. When I stopped shaking him, more because my arm was killing me than because I wanted to, he looked at me slightly dazed. "No one in their right mind would off themselves over a play boy. She either wasn't right or she was _hoping_ you would reject her so she would have what she considered a good reason. What kind of ego maniac thinks he is such a hot piece that a girl would actually kill herself over his rejection? _Seriously_? What because a God damn note said so? Don't believe all the lies that you've been told!"

Levi was looking at me as if I just defied gravity or something. At the same time he looked annoyed though I don't know if it was because he actually listened and realized he was an idiot loyal to an ideal that wasn't remotely necessary or because he didn't want to hear it.

With a sigh I got to the next matter at hand. "So what was so important about last night that you…" It hit me. "Oh. Fuck you pal. Really? Because of _that_? You have some fucking nerve." I turned, ready to walk out but let out a yelp as Levi grabbed the wrist of my injured arm and pulled me back.

"You're going to go back on your word?" The phrase that I would imagine the idiot saying teasingly or like he didn't actually care but wanted to hear me sputter a denial instead sounded serious. It was like the concept was heart breaking to him and I knew it had to do with whatever it was I said last night.

"I still don't know what I said, Levi but I need a second before I punch you in your stupid face and pull my stitches or something. There is only so much hurt I can put on you considering I had a shard of glass stabbed into my arm. And to be clear right now, it's not that I regret anything about last night but it doesn't mean I have to be happy about it, got it?"

"Um," Erwin interjected calmly, "what did happen last night?" The two behind him seemed to be trying to hide smiles unsuccessfully.

"I kissed her," Levi explained while watching my eyes. I knew he could see everything there. The annoyance, the hurt, the concern. The caring. His eyes flickered over to Erwin and the grinning duo. "And then I stormed out." Everyone stopped smiling. The man who doctored my arm covered his face with his hand. "She decided to play fucking Sepia as loudly as possible and at around one A New Hope came on. All I know is that I slammed the biggest breakable thing in the room at our shared walled. I blacked out holding the largest shard of glass from the wreckage."

Sighing I took over the explanation being as detailed as possible though I was in such a panic not much was clear. As I finished up by bringing Erwin into the picture I gestured at the bandages on my arm.

"Why didn't you just grab his wrist?" The woman, whose name is still didn't know, was looking at me like I was an idiot.

"At the time I wasn't even thinking but in retrospect I probably realized that Levi is stronger than me. He could have easily shoved me aside or stabbed himself even with my hindrance." I really hoped that made sense.

"You really care about him." Erwin's statement shocked me a bit. Did he really think there was any other reason I would do any of this?

"That's the problem though, isn't it?" I tried to tell myself the waver in my voice was anger or that I was trying not to laugh but I was shit at lying. "If I didn't care things would not have progressed to the point they were at last night, right?"

"Uh," Nose Guy said with a pronounced sniff, "wouldn't that be because Levi l-" The woman punched him in the gut, effectively silencing him.

"What Mike is saying is that _your_ emotions didn't cause anything." Erwin said softly, as if he was starting to warm up to me. "You'll have to forgive Levi; he's not very good at…"

"Speak for yourself, Erwin." Levi barked, shocking his friends, it didn't take an idiot to understand that Levi didn't call them by name much anymore, but if I looked close enough I could delude myself into believing I could see a blush on the normally cold man's face. "Anyway…the four of us are going to New York to visit family for the New Year. Your gift is that you can come along and I will pay your way…If you want."

Levi must have noticed my hesitation but I wasn't expecting him to figure out why I was torn. He sighed like I was ruining his life regardless of having saved it. "What music hall?" He asked as his friends gave him a weird look. As I told him the venue, having memorized it the moment I heard it, Levi gave a small smile. "Erwin, the Shitty Brat still works there right?"

I felt my breath catch. _Is it possible to see Sepia? The tickets are sold out now so this would be the only way_. "I think so, yeah. You're going to call in a favor?"

Levi's smile turned into a smirk. "He owes me so getting a ticket for this Shitty Woman shouldn't be an issue. If she can remember that breathing is important." I had been holding my breath the whole time. "I'll also call those two. Their clothing is similar to what she's wearing now and it doesn't look half bad on her so it might work for them to put something together."  
"Uh… those two?" A part of me was sure I didn't want to know.

"You'll see." Levi answered laconically, only adding to my nerves.

"So," the only nameless person in the room practically purred, dragging out the syllable happily, "is your girlfriend coming to lunch with us?"

I'm pretty sure I turned at least partially scarlet at the noun but Levi just looked at me with not small amount of consideration.

"She probably should eat something. How long has it been since you've had a decent meal, Riley?" It was probably the use of my name but everyone was just gaping at Levi. I felt my own eyes widen so I really couldn't criticize.

"I had some dinner last night!" I objected.

"You ate a Hot Pocket…" Levi rolled his eyes. "That is not a meal."

"Yeah, but that's not the point." I complained.

"Oh? Interesting. What is the point then?" He challenged that same attractive smirk on his face.

"Who said I was your girlfriend all of a sudden? Don't go deciding things on your o-" at that Levi leaned in close to me. There was almost no distance between us and I could feel his breath fan across my face as he slowly exhaled. Smirk turning into an actual smile, Levi closed the small gap between us, his lips pressing to mine chastely. When I gasped that changed as he traced my lips with his tongue before pulling away.

"What was this point of yours again?" He murmured.

"That you can't just…" Again Levi was so incredibly close. _Is he being _playful_? _

"I can't what?" His hooded eyes slowly glanced between my eyes and my lips, one of his hands rested on the mattress beside my left hip while the other cradled my right arm, his thumb gently dragging up and down the hidden wound.

"But you said you couldn't…" Levi's eyes narrowed, becoming serious as he pulled away a fraction.

"You truly don't remember your words." He sighed. You have until New Years. If you can't remember by then I will tell you in a way that will make you cry. Until then I am going to act as if you know what you said and there for understand why it's ok. If you like at a later date I can get a complaint box for you, but until then me and the shitty trio are going out for Chinese, I believe Shitty Glasses over there suggested a place down the road."

"Let me go get my wallet." I felt like I didn't have a choice but to give in but I swore to myself I would do everything possible to remember what it was I said that changed Levi so completely last night. Again, Levi grabbed me by the wrist.

"I'm paying." His voice was back to its deadpan quality.

"But…"

"I assure you I can afford a third rate restaurant in a city like this. You better get used to it because I'm not letting you pay for shit at least until your arm heals. Consider it payment." And thus the relationship between me and Levi started without any sparks or drastically romantic gestures…well aside from me saving his life and saying some words I couldn't remember that clearly had a strong impact…and really, Levi explaining what happened was romantic as far as Levi was, I mean in a sense.

Even though he shattered it last night that little bubble of _oh yay _was back. I was in too deep with this guy already but really I was worried. If he was concerned about people running then wasn't he a runner himself? There were things he didn't know about me…what would such a clean freak do with my dirty laundry?

**A/N: I hope this is ok….Lots going on but I feel alright with this chapter. Lemme know what you think if you want…either way thanks for reading so far. More to come soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Being Levi's girlfriend was different than I expected. The surprise was not a bad one as far as such things go and to be completely honest I was happy with how things turned out. In my head I saw Levi as a detached boyfriend. A part of me figured he would talk to me less and become overly interested in getting in my pants.

The fact of the matter was that he and I spent about the same amount of time together though he would randomly leave every day for long hours only to come back either extremely annoyed or with a small smile on his face. I didn't even want to know.

We were more physical, but in little ways. We kissed, we held hands. Sometimes he would pull on one of my dreads to annoy me and I would swat at his bangs in retaliation. He didn't make demands and as far as I knew he wasn't planning to ambush me one night. Instead the few nights we did spend together so far were mostly filled with cuddling, though there were a few intense make out sessions.

Aside from all that, 'detached' was the least accurate word to describe Levi as a boyfriend not because he was around and not because of our actions towards each other but because of something subtler. It was the way he looked at me. It wasn't one of those 'I love you with all my heart' looks it was more of an 'I own your ass and we both know it' look.

Normally my inner modern woman would be raging and trying to put the hurt on him for thinking that way and when I first noticed the sentiment I was ready to slap him but Levi, being Levi just looked at me as if to ask what my problem was. So I really thought about it. What was my problem with Levi acting like I was his? Not just in the modern, romantic sense of the term like a valentine saying "be mine" but in a more primal manner. That whole day, which was the 26th of December, so literally the day after he casually told me, not asked, but told me we were dating I kept giving him sidelong glances out of the corner of my eye.

Finally he had enough and just forcibly moved me so I was facing him and asked plainly, "What _is_ the problem?"

My smart reply was simply that I was still trying to figure it out. The asshole smiled and told me in a light voice, "You would understand that it was mutual if you'd fucking remember all ready." I stared at him openly, jaw working in mute attempts to convey shock, for twenty minutes after that. It was the 31st now and me Levi and the three friends of his I had gotten to know were going to New York for the next two days.

"Levi!" I whined, I wasn't prone to whining but sometimes a girl had no choice.

"You're over the age of thirteen so you are too old to be complaining like you didn't get to go play or something." His voice floated from the couch where he sat reclined to me where I stood at my closet.

"I don't know what to pack!"

"Just wear something comfortable for today and pack anything you like. My old neighborhood in East New York throws a block party every year on the first, which is why we are staying until the second, but those two idiot brats will probably take a liking to you and have you covered for it." Again with the vague mention of 'those two'. "I don't know why you waited so long to pack, Erwin will be here any minute."

"So we are riding with Erwin the whole way?" It didn't sound too bad since the lunch we all had on Christmas the would be doctor was more tolerant of me and I felt like we could actually get to be friends but I hadn't seen him in a couple days and I worried that it was because he might not enjoy my company so being in a car with him for four or five hours would be pushing any luck I had with getting along with him.

"Pfft, God no!" Levi snorted, which as far as I could tell was as close as he ever came to laughing. "He's dropping us off somewhere about twenty minutes from here. We'll be on our own after that."

"Why are you so damn cryptic all the time?" My breath came out in a huff and he snorted again.

"Because your reactions never get old. It is very telling." I could feel his eyes on me and knew that if I took any longer _he_ would pack for me and I would not like it.

Five minutes later we informed the staff we would be gone until the second and went to meet Erwin outside. I hadn't put much thought into the kind of car Erwin might drive but I was not expecting an old Saab Sonett II with so many electronics fused into it that sitting in it was like being in a space time continuum. Somehow the whole thing was refurbished on the inside but it had a rough worn appearance on the outside but the surprise didn't stop there. Erwin had his own MP3 player plugged into the dash and it was playing post-hardcore which I would not have pegged him as a fan of.

Then again it should have made sense that he and Levi listened to the same music. From what I could gather they were really close.

After the promised twenty minutes Erwin pulled into a closed off area that looked almost like a storage unit or warehouse block but instead of the usual units there were rows upon rows of garages. "Unit thirteen, right Levi?" Erwin was heading to the opposite end of the lot.

"Lucky number." Levi mumbled.

Erwin just grinned as I sat in confusion. Sometimes I really hated inside jokes. Erwin slowed to a stop in front of one of the units marked with a giant 13, allowing Levi to hop out and enter a 6 digit code on a panel to the right of a garage type door. When the door opened I felt my eyes pop and my jaw drop. Inside the garage was a Ferrari Spider that looked brand new. Everything about it, from the pain to its interior to the rims, was pitch black and it was the most beautiful car I had ever seen in person.

"What is he a drug lord?" I muttered to Erwin who just chuckled at my reaction.

"Are you coming or not Shitty Woman?" Levi sounded annoyed which was nothing new but I still worked my way out of Erwin's two door from the back seat with shaking hands. I really wasn't a car fanatic but I mean, damn.

"Had I known you would cum just looking at the damn thing I would have taken you for a ride sooner." Levi said casually, almost like he was commenting on the weather.

I scoffed, trying to at least look normal if not calm, but as I walked past the hood of the car I stopped to stare. "Is that..?"

"Hmm?" Levi hummed as he looked over the hood of the car at me.

"Is that a different kind of black paint detailing a spider web?"

Levi looked at me like I was stupid before dragging out a single word, "…Yeah?"

"On a spider?"

"There is a bird caught in the web and feathers down the length of the car, but sounds about right."

"If I say 'that's awesome' will you roll your eyes at me?" _I think I just fell in love with a car_.

"Already did." He teased. "Now come on, Hanji is probably already half way there."

"Or she has been pulled over twenty three times for speeding." Erwin called from his car, reminding us he was still there while I struggled to realize that Hanji was Shitty Glasses. "Try to remember the speed limit Levi."

"What's the point of being able to go faster than the cops if you don't use the ability?" Levi countered.

"You're too pretty for jail," I cut in at which Levi could only glare.

* * *

For three hours and forty five minutes, most of which Levi spent going over the lawful speed, Levi and I talked. It wasn't about much to him but to me it was all priceless bits of insight. Things like the dangers of Brownsville and random stories about Levi's younger half siblings. I heard a lot about his old neighborhood. His mother still lived in the building he grew up in towards the middle of East NY. I thought maybe a month ago I would have been scared to spend a day at a snowy barbeque in one of New York City's most dangerous areas but now I felt ok with it. I knew Levi wouldn't bring me somewhere I would get hurt. That thought left me feeling a bit crazy, sure, but the concept was so thoroughly embedded in my mind that it was a certainty.

Driving into traffic Levi sighed. "This is my least favorite part about Manhattan."

"Everything is so tall…" I muttered the words before I could stop myself.

"Don't be a tourist," Levi warned me. It was a full fifty-two minutes before we pulled into the parking garage under the fancy hotel we'd all be staying in. But before I could again insinuate that my boyfriend was a drug lord he just casually walked up to a reception desk gave his name and received a key. The woman also handed him an envelope with writing so big and colorful I could see it from here.

Levi pocketed the key he got and walked back to me. Handing me the envelope he continued towards the door without giving me time to see what was in it. Once we were outside I gave up on opening the damn thing and shoved it into my purse; Levi made me leave my suitcase in the car so it was all I had, and he grabbed hold of my hand almost possessively.

From there we walked.

And walked.

And walked.

Finally we arrived at a hole in the wall boutique with an exterior painted black with skulls and demons and the like in garish reds and whites. As we walked in I read the engraved metal sign hanging on the front door: Happy Berry Sadistic Plum.

It sounded promising.

"Oh my gosh a _customer!_" I heard a youthful girl call out her voice oozing enthusiasm. _Happy Berry._ I thought.

"Relax, Krista baby, it's just that pile of shit Levi." Another voice called from around a wall. "Levi you touch my woman I'll rip all your piercings out and shove them in your dick head." _Sadistic Plum._

"Ymir!" The first voice, Krista, admonished as if she were far too used to the other's ways.

"Do you even know what a dick looks like you god damn dyke?" Levi countered.

"Levi please?" Krista said softly as she rounded the corner. Standing in front of me was another blonde this time it was someone younger than me though about the same height. Krista's eyes were the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen and right now they held a sort of puppy dog expression that made me want to hug her. "Oh!"

Her exclamation startled me and Ymir came running as if she thought Levi was flashing her girlfriend or something. When her eyes settled on me she let out a bark of laughter. "'Bout damn time Heichou." She crowed causing Levi to growl. "Now get the hell out. We'll send you a picture or something when we are done but since you aren't going to the concert with us you can get the hell out."

Levi looked like he wanted to argue or at least smash the girl with some pro insults but in the end he just rolled his eyes and headed back the way he came.

"So, what's the deal?" Ymir immediately ask before the door even shut. When I stared at her blankly she reworded her question. "You dating that little shit or what?" She had a lazy smile on her face that I wasn't quite sure of. But instead of making me guess at her intentions the woman just came out with it. "You don't know anything about him, you may think you do but you haven't even identified the iceberg let alone scratched it's surface."

I just gave her a look that screamed 'duh' that seemed to shut her up. "And what, you think he knows every little thing about me and that I just confessed all my sins to him and somehow impressed him with my honesty or something? Give me a fucking break."

Ymir looked like she was about to fire back but Krista just giggled softly. "I think we are all going to get along great." She trilled.

"Definitely the happy berry." I didn't mean to say it out loud but there it was.

They both looked at each other in surprise for a moment before breaking out in laughter. "I told you people would get it!" Krista said happily. "We are going to give you the best we have!"

"Stupid Levi calling in a favor." Ymir complained with a teasing pout. "If anyone asks, you better remember where you got the clothes."

I was confused until Krista brought me out of the little alcove like entrance and I was brought face to face with the best selection of clothing ever. They had a bit of everything from punk to steampunk to goth to loli to cyber punk. Everything.

"We made everything here." Krista said proudly and I just stared in wonder. "Come on come on!" She cheered before pulling on my arm a bit too roughly which caused me to gasp in pain.

Ymir was immediately on the scent and dragged my loose sweater sleeve up to expose the bandage that was still necessary. "That asshole hurt you?" She didn't say it like a question but I decided to treat it like one.

"No, it was because of my…" I started but Ymir cut me off.

"Typical victim ideology. It's your fault my ass. That little two-bit…" And this time I interrupted her.

I normally wouldn't put Levi's business out there but I thought the truth was the lesser of two evils so, not giving a damn about my boyfriend's privacy I shouted at her. "I took the damn shard to my arm protecting his neck! He didn't hurt me because he wanted to! He didn't even realize I was there! I might not know much about Levi's past but I know he's not a god damn abuser!" Taking a deep breath I muttered, "not physically anyway. He is an asshole though."

The thing with Levi was that he didn't seem to associate with stupid people and true to that observation both women seemed to understand immediately. Ymir looked at me in shock, her head nodding as she looked from my face to my arm in rapid succession while Krista looked like she might cry. There was silence for a few nanoseconds before the shorter girl threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a bone crushing hug.

"Thank God you were there!" She sobbed. "Levi stopped talking to all of us so much after last year and a lot of us have been worried but I know when I tried to talk to him… well there is only so much you can do almost a full state away."

"He's not that approachable," I agreed softly. Krista suddenly leapt away from me, throwing her hands in the air as if she found a Blue's Clue.

"I just thought of something perfect!" I stood rooted to the spot as the midget, which I really couldn't say critically considering my own height, ran off to a roped off section that read New Items. "Well come try it on!"

Walking past all the interesting clothing I arrived at the back of the room where two dressing rooms stood alone and unused. There were mirrors on each wall of the room she shoved me in and watching them I saw her walk in after me and shut the door.

"You'll need help with the shirt." She explained thoughtfully.

The clothes fit like they were made for me and I stood for a long moment in the mirror just admiring them. The skirt was short, only to mid-thigh but it was made from layers and layers of leather scale type cutouts. The shirt was an honest to god corset, black like the leather skirt with metal framework spanning across it like a ribcage. Inside that rib cage was a very real looking heart embroidered into the fabric underneath. Finally, considering it was winter, I was outfitted with an ankle brushing leather jacket that I sincerely hoped was synthetic. On the back of the black coat a pair of white dragon wings resting in repose and a spine down the middle that became a tail that snaked down the jacket and ended in a spade were painted in acrylics.

"These are beautiful." I couldn't help the words of praise but to me, the fact that these girls not only thought of these clothes but made them, there was nothing more praiseworthy in my mind; at the moment anyway.

"Let's show Ymir." Krista chirped as she opened the door only to find her girlfriend right in front of the door, hands on her hips. Ymir lightened immediately though and begin to eye me critically.

"It's a surprisingly clean fit," she muttered as she paced around me in a circle. "You have really good proportions, you know that?" It was a bit weird hearing that from a girl who was already in a relationship but considering how protective she seemed over Krista I figured she was going somewhere with this. "Well, anyway let's go outside and take a picture for Levi so he can see what he's missing tonight."

Outside there was little to work with but there was a streetlight and a fire hydrant within close enough proximity that even though it was now dark out posing on said hydrant was feasible. Being very careful not to flash anyone I lifted one leg onto the arm of the hydrant and leaned against my bent knee in such a way that the corset was still visible.

Ymir walked to my side just a bit to get the skirts details in the picture and I turned my face to look into the camera. "At least try to look sexy." She instructed teasingly and so, looking dead into the camera I tried to imagine what I would want my face to convey if I were seducing Levi. If the look on my face could show the want I felt, the timid fear that want provoked, the worry but trust I wanted to express I thought perhaps whatever my face held for the few seconds it took for the picture to snap might have held all of that.

Ymir just stood there. She had beat us all to the punch and gotten ready for the concert before I was even dressed and Krista was just now walking out in a cute little goth loli dress that was all frills and ribbons and provocative cuts. I thought perhaps the darker girl was looking at her happy berry but when I really focused she was staring dumbfounded at her phone, which probably still held my picture on it.

"Krista baby, come here real quick," she called and the bundle of fluffy clomped over in platform combat boots. "Look," she commanded softly, handing the phone to her partner who did look and almost dropped the phone in the process. I thought perhaps I made a funny face or that I looked ridiculous in some other way but Ymir deftly took the phone out of the girls hand and casually sent the photo as a message to my boyfriend before handing me the phone.

The girl in the photo was not me.

That girl couldn't be me. She looked beautiful and classy and proud and at the same time she looked incredibly sexy. Her face held a wild need carefully held in check by a cautious apprehension as if she couldn't decide to take what she wanted or run away in hopes that her lover would follow. But it was me. She had the same grey eyes though hers were wide and alluring, and the same brown dreads but somehow they made her look primal and desirable rather than unkempt.

Before I could say anything a message popped on the screen as the phone shook and a ringtone came on. _"Quit it Ymir, it's very difficult to do the work I am doing with a hard on."_ I couldn't tell if I should be laughing or not but I felt my face heat up all the same as Ymir plucked the phone from my hands. She, of course, laughed her ass off.

"It's decided then!" She declared. "You are going to be our model!" I was still gaping at her, astounded, as she hailed a cab and pushed me into the yellow slab of tacky on wheels.

When we arrived at the venue there was a line so long it went down the block and there were hawkers trying to sell tickets for seven hundred a pop. Some people even bought them. Ymir and Krista separated from me as the lines forked into three different lines each with a ticket guy or girl at the end.

"Um, excuse me?" There was a soft voice behind me and I felt a tap on my shoulder. As I at first looked over my shoulder and then fully turned around a gaggle of girls looked at me excitedly. "Where did you get that outfit? It's amazing!" The soft spoken girl got louder and more than a couple heads turned out way.

Remembering my promise I said, a little louder than necessary, "I got it at Happy Berry Sadistic Plum here in Manhattan."

The girl immediately whipped out her phone. "Can I take a picture and tweet it? It's just…you look…wow."

I smiled and nodded. I was supposed to be their model anyway so I should get used to pictures right? There were several other people taking pictures and as the girl who tapped me on the shoulder asked to get a shot of the back of my jacket I saw several flashes go off now that I presented the others a different side. It was weird to me; people taking my picture because they liked my outfit, but as far as they knew it was one of a kind. Besides we were all Sepia fans so it was like a community. With that thought in mind I bore the paparazzi like flashes with as much grace as I could muster until I arrived at the ticket stand.

Pulling the envelope I assumed was my ticket out of the pocket inside my new jacket I finally opened the damn thing and handed it to the girl. She was around Krista and Ymir's age and had short straight black hair and grey eyes. Around her neck was a long red scarf. With a sigh she turned to the man in a Security jacket behind her and said in a rather annoyed manner, "Jean can you go get that idiot brother of mine?" As 'Jean' nodded and ran off she looked me and said, "Could you step aside. I need to take care of paying customers."

I wanted to argue but there was really nothing I could do but trust Levi. The photo girls handed their tickets over one after the other and shouted something about a mosh pit before the entrance to the venue swallowed them whole. Three more sets of enthusiastic fans passed me before another young person, this time with brown hair and rather deep green eyes, ran up. He was also wearing a Security jacket. Upon spotting me the boy slowed from the full on dash he had going on to a more reasonable pace before stopping in front of me.

"Uh, hey! I'm Eren, Eren Jaeger. You must be the one Levi asked me to get in." I didn't know what to say to that so I just went for the easy out and nodded. "Lemme just see your ticket though. It's not that I doubt you I just need to cause I have to."

Somehow that made sense to me and I held the ticket out for him. I am guessing it was different than other tickets though I don't know how since I didn't catch a glimpse of anyone else's.

"Alright, follow me. I will get you to your seat."

I started at that. "I thought this was a no seating venue…" I hedged nervously.

"Eh, that's mostly true but there is one seat in the whole place and I don't know how Levi managed it but he got you into that seat. He has a lot of connections though so I'm sure it's pretty simple." And with that we were weaving through crowds of fans who were all getting hyped and chanting "Sepia, Sepia," over and over. After a sea's worth of excited men and women ranging through all ages we arrived at a gated off set of stairs that led into darkness.

"Oh, it's Eren." A tall bulky guy said with enthusiasm. "Gotta show me the ticket even if you seen it, you know the rules."

"Yeah no problem, Reiner. Here!" The kid handed the somehow special ticket to the guy who peered at it closely in the dim lights.

"Alright. Hey, have you actually seen Levi since he got back? I saw Erwin briefly but he said he was running late for something. He seemed hyped," the guy trailed off thoughtfully, his expression confused.

"Nah, but he said when we got off work to get a hold of him and we'd all get breakfast." Eren grinned at that before gesturing me through the gap Reiner made in the gating. "This way, watch your step its dark 'til you get closer."

And so the kid led me right up next to the stage. There was a couch sitting there. A backstage couch. I felt faint for a second. I would be this close to Sepia. The moment only lasted a moment before an old bald man who smelled vaguely of alcohol came up and cuffed Eren in the head.

"What the hell Pixis?" The kid loud mouthed. "She has the ticket!"

"Oh, I don't doubt it. At least Reiner would be smart enough to tell it from a forgery. That was for not introducing me to such a pretty girl." He didn't say it like a creeper, and I got no stranger danger vibe from him. It was more he was commenting on his grandkids girlfriend or something.

"Sheesh, always hitting me. This is the girl Levi asked me to get in." He was almost adorable with his pout.

"Ah, I have heard about you. Not from Levi himself, of course, but Erwin has mentioned your name a few times. Riley, right?" When I nodded he beamed. "Well I don't know if anyone has said it straight out and knowing those guys they wouldn't think to but, thank you for stopping Levi."

It was then that I realized no one _had _thanked me. The closest I had gotten was Krista's reaction but still no one said Thank You. The smile I gave this old man was genuine.

"Ah," he said as if he just realized something himself. "The show will be starting soon so I have to get to my post. I'll be back in a bit though to watch, if such a pretty girl would have my company."

"I would be honored." I told him. And really I felt I would be. I didn't know the guy but he seemed like a good person and he seemed to care enough about Levi to offer thanks for his life. Before I could think more on it though, sound came from a stage that had been pitch black all this time. The opening notes to a song that I wasn't too fond of anymore. Sepia's last recording. A New Hope.

The voice singing still sounded so sad, as if he had pain fresh in his heart and as fans began to scream and the chorus was laid out in that soft, beautiful voice the lights flashed on and I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing.

Behind the drums was an energetic and upbeat Hanji. The bassist was the disciplined but determined Erwin. The second guitarist was playing the keyboard right now; the kind and loyal Mike. And finally standing in front of the crowd, eyes closed as he played his guitar by memory stood Levi singing his heart out; singing the song he would have ended his life to. The song that must have been written for Petra.

As the song ended the crowd lost it but all I could do was stare in shock. And then embarrassment hit like a hockey puck to the eye. _He sounds…unfulfilled._ Those words came from my mouth to the man I was speaking about and I didn't even know it. Levi's words came back to me too. _I don't hate Sepia. I just don't like listening to them. _And when I threatened to rip out his vocal cords… _you would hate yourself for doing that particular action. _

I was so fucking embarrassed I didn't have time to be mad. But still this was a once in a lifetime situation, being backstage during the first concert Sepia ever held so I swallowed my emotions and enjoyed myself.

Levi was exactly how I pictured he would be as a rock star and as the first song came to an end he leaned into his microphone to abuse the crowd.

"Shut it you little shits, I can't even hear anything with you twerps going off." That just sent the crowd into a tizzy of cheers and shouts of 'Sepia!' "I was told I have to introduce everyone so pay attention, I am only doing this once. The guy with the wicked eyebrows is Erwin Smith, the spaz on the drums is Hanji Zoe and the guy twiddling his thumbs pretending to be useful is Mike Zacharius. And me, I am vocalist and I play guitar. The name is Levi. Now," and before he could say more there was a wave of cheering and screaming and random people confessing their love for the band or any one of its members. "This is why we can't have nice things, don't you agree Erwin?"

The blonde nodded slowly before glancing at a wrist watch. "You have two minutes," he said into the microphone.

"If you ass hats want to actually listen we have a new song…" And again the roaring, but it was much louder this time; I almost couldn't think properly. Levi just stood there with a smirk on his face like he owned the crowd, the building and everyone in either. "If you want to hear it you have to let me talk first." Silence.

Levi took the microphone off its stand and began to walk backstage as he explained. "The song you just heard was written because of something that happened both to someone I knew and to me. This next song is the only one we have ever performed that I didn't write." He walked past me with a small grin and a wink as he held his finger to his lips. Grabbing an acoustic guitar I had not noticed the man walked back on stage. As he placed the microphone back on its stand and tested the acoustic to make sure it was in tune Levi continued his story, though I had a feeling I knew what this was about. "The song we just preformed was written when I was in a bad place, fuck knows I am still in a bad place but better at any rate…oh shut up with the cooing Jesus. Because of the events that lead to it and my own bullshit I was about to do something too foolish for words. I was saved that night. From myself. These are words that a certain Shitty Woman told me. She can't remember them. I guess I made her panic. But it is officially the New Year so I am keeping my promise. This is called Right Here."

The sound of the acoustic guitar was a stark contrast to most of their music and the people in the crowd just stood there in silence.

"_I can see every tear you've cried__  
__like an ocean in your eyes__  
__All the pain and the scars have left you cold  
__I can see all the fears you face_

_Through a storm that never goes away__  
__Don't believe all the lies that you've been told"_

I couldn't remember at first but as the song progressed into the chorus the words began to come back to me and I didn't even bother to hold back the tears.

_I'll be right here now__  
__To hold you when the sky falls down__  
__I will always__  
__Be the One who took your place__  
__When the rain falls__  
__I won't let go__  
__I'll be right here_

As Levi sang I noticed a different tone. It was far from being whole and happy but he wasn't lost at least. I let his voice crash over me as I soaked in the words I spoke that dark day._  
_  
_I will show you the way back home__  
__Never leave you all alone__  
__I will stay until the morning comes  
__I'll show you how to live again__  
__And heal the brokenness within__  
__Let me love you when you come undone_

The chorus hit me again and I continued to cry. Sometime before the end of the second chorus Pixis leaned in and said over the sound, "I give you permission to go over to him after the song if you want." But he was gone again before I could even turn away from Levi.

_When daybreak seems so far away__  
__Reach for my hand__  
__When hope and peace begin to fray__  
__Still I will stand  
_

_Right here now__  
__To hold you when the sky falls down__  
__I will always__  
__Be the One who took your place__  
__When the rain falls__  
__I won't let go__  
__When the rain falls_

_I won't let go__  
__I'll be right here_.

Taking Pixis' hint I felt myself on my feet and walking before I could think about all the people just beyond the stage or the fact that they would see my tear stained face. Levi seemed to know I would come and just swung his guitar behind his back as I ran to him. The crowd was still and quiet for a moment before another cheer resounded.

"Shitty Woman," Levi clucked his tongue. "I told you I would make you cry." I didn't respond except to shake my head against his chest. He was so warm.

Levi just tweaked one of my dreads and I heard from the crowd a loud and excited girl shout, "Happy Berry Sadistic Plum!"

And Ymir's subsequent shout of "Hell yeah!"

Levi pulled away and gave me a smile that had me worried for whatever he would say next. "Hey," he said loud enough for the microphone to pick up his voice. "You look lovely and all but…get the fuck off the stage Shitty Woman." _Nothing says 'I love you' like vulgarity._ I thought but instead I moved away from his only to sock up in the arm. "You punch like a pussy."

"Should I kick you in the balls instead?" The words were a bit louder than I intended and they too were caught and amplified. The crowd let out an 'ooooooooo' in unison.

"If you do you'll be wishing you hadn't, but seriously go back to your seat woman." And without further notice I slunk back to where I was to enjoy the rest of the concert.

* * *

**A/N: Holy shit sorry this is so long. K so I hope you enjoyed their debut and the addition of more canon characters and please if you have a moment go listen to the song so you can realize how perfect it is.**

**Songs Used:**

**Right Here by Ashes Remain**

**(Mention of) A New Hope by Broken Iris.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The concert lasted well into the early hours of the morning and breakfast with the crew, who all happened to be close to the band, was cancelled not only because everyone was too tired to think straight but because fans were everywhere. Not only was the word Sepia cheered almost constantly but fans of each individual member seemed to be competing to see whose name they could shout the loudest. Levi's seemed to be winning but Erwin's fans were pretty damn loud too.

It took close to an hour to move through the pack of rabid teens and tweens gathered in a giant clusterfuck just past the back door as we moved towards a tricked out jeep with the most vibrant paint job I had ever seen. Not only was it yellow and red and orange and the most neon green man ever created it seemed to have glow in the dark paint as well.

"Levi~" Hanji cooed, "You're sitting up front with me right?"

"Fuck that, make the Shitty Sniffer deal with your ass." Levi snapped.

"Are you suggesting that I sniff Hanji's ass?" Mike asked with such a good straight-man act that I thought he might be asking sincerely for a moment but the man just got into the front passengers seat and shut his door.

Levi opened the door behind him and gesture for me to get in and as I did I heard a few girls from the pack a few feet away grumble or sigh happily. There were more grumbles than anything but I tried to ignore it all. Erwin got in on the other side and I was sandwiched between the two best friends as Hanji adjusted her glasses and slipped into traffic. Well I say slipped in but really she just laid on the horn and slammed her foot on the gas with a demented chuckle that was nothing if not terrifying.

Scared as I was at the woman's driving habits the others in the car just took it in stride. Levi even yawned, and not one of those 'I'm pretending to be nonchalant about this to avoid pissing my pants' yawns but an actual, 'I am bored and just want to get some rest' yawn.

"So, which room are we meeting in?" Levi asked after a second yawn.

"I was thinking mine," Erwin informed them.

"Let me get this one to bed and then I will be right over," Levi compromised. "We only have one key."

"That's fine it won't take long anyway, we are all going to the party tomorrow so we'll need our sleep." Erwin gave Levi a look that I couldn't interpret even if I studied the silent language these two used on a daily basis.

* * *

At four in the morning I was shaken out of a deep sleep and, even though I was slowly getting used to waking up to Levi I had never been more relieved to have him beside me. My heart was still racing and my palms were sweaty from the terror of a nightmare that only seemed to get worse with time. I thought I was done with it but now Levi was seeing me like this for the first time. No one had ever witnessed me after that particular dream and while I tried to stop the reaction, my breathing became heavy and wild and I began to shake.

While I don't know whether it was fortunate or not, Levi's first reaction was to hold me closer. His fingers wound around my dreads and his legs tugged at mine. At first it increased my horror to the point where I was sobbing even though my entire body shut down and I couldn't move to get away but Levi just held me and whispered two words over and over slowly in my ear.

"In."

"Out."

It didn't make sense at first and was causing me more fear than anything but then he whispered another word just once before continuing. "Breathe."

"In."

"Out."

As Levi continued to chant the instructions I let the two words fill my mind so that nothing else mattered. My breathing slowed considerably; it became more even, and after several minutes I was able to wrap my arms around him. I wasn't very good at seeing in the dark, but I thought maybe he looked concerned.

"Sorry," I said as I loosened my hold on him. "You weren't supposed to see that."

"You do realize I am not an idiot, right Riley?" Levi's voice sounded light, casual almost, but it was only that way because he was hiding the things he truly felt.

I nodded before saying softly, "I know." Panic began to boil in me and I closed my eyes.

"You know," He sighed, "but you still try to hide the fact that _something_ happened to you. I am not going to try to guess what it was but I still wish you would just tell me. What are you so afraid of? Why can't you just…" But he finally seemed to notice my shoulders shaking as I tried to hold in the sobs. Muttering about not being good with words after all Levi gently shoved me onto my back before hovering over me. "Are you afraid of me?"

It seemed I took too long to respond because Levi crushed his lips into mine. There was no gentleness, no hesitancy. He was rough and thorough, biting at my lower lip; forcing me to gasp so that he could massage my tongue with his. There was no battle for dominance like some romance stories talked about; there was no attempt from me to take control at all. I was his. Levi's hands roamed to the hem of my shirt before he grabbed at the fabric as if he was trying to focus on something, anything.

He pulled away as a soft whimpering moan left my throat.

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked again but this time my head shook in a distinct no as I fought to control my complicated breathing. "Good." The word came out as barely a breath and I almost didn't realize he spoke at all. I desperately wanted to see what face he was making but in the dark of the hotel room I couldn't even see the outline of his features. Speaking louder Levi leaned in closer to my neck. "Hold still." The words were still quiet but definitely audible.

Before I could even acknowledge those words Levi bit into my neck almost hard enough to draw blood. Without speaking a word he licked at the bite mark before sucking on my skin. Now, I had never gotten a hickey in my life so I don't know if this was something that _should_ feel good but as Levi continued to make the bruise deeper and deeper in color I felt fire igniting in my belly. I'm not sure why, but I whispered his name and I felt his lips twitch in a smile.

As if he was finally satisfied with his handiwork Levi licked my skin one more time before curling up beside me. "Go back to bed Shitty Woman. You can tell me what happened when you're ready. You can tell me why you haven't at that point as well."

And so I forced myself to relax by counting by twos until sleep took me knowing that Levi never slept before me and I always woke up after him. It was like he didn't know how to trust anyone with his vulnerable sleeping form.

* * *

The party was starting in forty-five minutes and I just stood in the mirror staring at myself. Krista and Ymir stopped by and had been playing dress up with me in the hotel bathroom for an hour already before they decided on what I would wear. I told them it didn't matter but they responded that I was HBSP's official poster girl so I had to look good at all times. I thought it was ridiculous.

I was standing there in white skinny jeans that made me so very happy that my period wasn't due for another two weeks, a black tank top that fit a bit too snugly for my own self-consciousness' sake, and a fish net mesh kind of over-shirt made of white and silver fabric tied together. Over that was another leather coat that went to my waist line and had a worn appearance to it.

I came out of the bathroom for the last time and immediately reached for my scarf only to have Levi snatch the fabric away from me.

"Pfft," Ymir snorted before chuckling. "You didn't explain _anything _to her did you play boy?"

I looked at her in confusion but Krista cut me off before I could even ask by explaining as she tied her hair up in a ponytail. On her neck was a dark bruise-like hickey similar to mine. "I don't know how much Levi has told you, but this will be my first time going into East New York too. I grew up in Chelsea before my father renounced me and made me change my name. After that I met Ymir and she told me all about everything. Everything about that place. The Titans. Everything about the Scouting Legion." The words just confused me but Levi leveled her lover with a look and Ymir shrugged before taking over.

"Sorry, _Heichou," _she drawled the word and like last time, Levi growled at her. "She needs to know some of it or she'll just get hurt over there. That place, the East New York neighborhood is full of violence but one of the worst gangs there was known as the Titans. They slaughtered people indiscriminately…for fun, just to kill. Men, women, children, people who were in gangs and people who weren't, no one was safe. There were some smaller gangs that the Titans obliterated just to show how big they were. It was nuts."

"Don't say it like it's a god damn fairy tale, bitch." Levi snarled.

But Ymir was getting warmed up it seemed. "There was this family that lived in the middle of East New York; there was a mother, and four children. The children all had different fathers…"

"Ymir!" Levi barked, and the girl backed off.

"Anyway after a pretty bad wave of murders and the destruction of a lot of smaller gangs people started getting angry. A group of four people decided to change the situation about the Titans. They are The Commander, The Scientist, The Tactician and Heichou, mankind's strongest. These four went through Brownsville and East New York going from gang to gang either sorting out truce after truce or committing a lot of violent acts until everyone decided to work together. It's only because of the elite force they created…'the Scouting Legion', that the Titans were obliterated and the crime and murder dropped at all."

It sounded like a fairy tale after all. When I just stared at the girl as if to say '…and?' she continued her explanation. "Two things. Any member of the Scouting Legion that earned the right will be wearing a patch or article of clothing with a symbol I am sure you have seen." At this she pointed to the patch on her jeans. It was two crossed wings; something called the 'Wings of Freedom'.

"That's Sepia's trademark…" I managed to say but Ymir just shook her head.

"Sepia uses it because they are the four people who made it in the first place but it wasn't originally designed for Sepia." Before I could do more than process that Ymir went on. "The other thing you need to know is that the place we are headed to has a lot of frisky guys that like to snatch up girls that don't belong to them, 'specially pretty ones like my Krista, so what we of the Scouting Legion tend to do for these things is mark our territory so to speak."

I whirled around to glare at Levi but he just gave me a look as if begging me to complain about it. My anger deflated immediately.

Levi just smirked at me and said "Sorry for the poor timing last night." He did not sound apologetic at all.

It was only after we all got into the cars we would be taking, with me in Levi's Spider, that it hit me. 'The Titans were obliterated'.

My head snapped up and I immediately sought Levi's eyes. He sighed and pulled off to the side of the street. With the car parked he turned to me and asked, "Finally figured it out?"

"What did she mean, 'obliterated?'"

Levi rolled his eyes and as easy as breathing admitted, "We killed them. They had the cops in their pocket and the government didn't give a shit until things were too far. We were given a year to handle the situation, complete with license to kill by the FBI and so we killed them all. Do you know what Heichou means?" When I shook my head slowly he told me. "It is short for Heishichō which means Leader of the soldiers. The rank is Japanese. I could take on more enemies than an entire squad and get away with less injury. As Ymir said, Heichou is the name given to mankind's strongest. I have so much blood on my hands that I could run them under scalding water for fifteen years and it would not be enough. And yet a little girl like you isn't afraid of…"

"I'm not going anywhere." The words were out of my mouth without any thought but that seemed to be how I conveyed things I really meant. For a moment I thought he would tell me off for being idealistic or he would ignore me as something trivial.

Instead Levi stared at me for a long moment and then he laughed. Honest to God laughed. Not a snort of amusement but an actual laugh. He must have seen the offended look on my face because that outright laughter toned down into a chuckle which abruptly stopped as Levi turned to the rearview mirror to stare at his own face in confusion. It was only then that he explained.

"I didn't laugh because I thought what you said was funny. Instead it is life that is funny." Levi paused, putting a bit of thought into his words. "Part of what makes Erwin as good a friend as he is will always be that we respect each other enough to not bullshit each other. I can tell him anything straight to the point and he will respond as he sees fit. When we made Sepia with those two cock sucking squad leaders he told me something I didn't agree with. It was the first time we hadn't agreed to something in some way, shape or form.

"He told me I would find someone who would change me." Levi smirked at that. "I told him he was an idiot and he called me a bastard and we fought it out. The day I moved into that god awful place I met you he told me 'this change is not what I meant, figure it out or you're going to die like this.' After what happened with Petra I refused to let people into my life because I felt that if there was going to be another casualty it would be my own.

"And then I met this stupid nut of a woman who had the boldness to walk around in an unlocked room half naked but the cowardice to be mad when someone caught her. This woman who spoke as if she knew things about people she had never knowingly met but got everything about them right. I still don't know how anyone could get that much from my damn voice, and I still don't want to know. This woman would choose to run away from someone in a crowded mall just so she could hide her tears. She trusted too easily and got hurt quickly. She's a ridiculous fan girl who's terrible at pushing buttons.

"I met an idiot woman who knew nothing about me but still fell for the things she knew; even when it was supposed to only be bad." Levi took a deep breath before admitting, "I never felt more relieved in my life than when your scream snapped me out of it that day. There are a lot of bullshit theories about this world that I don't believe in. Equal right to happiness, perfection, God... They are all concepts I will never be able to believe or adhere to. But I can compromise on one. Even though no person can be perfect in this world maybe someone can be perfect _for_ someone. Because I swear even when you're pissing me the fuck off, you do it perfectly."

Levi looked for a long moment at the car parked in front of us before pulling the car back on the road. "And Riley?" He sounded more serious now than when he did through everything he just said and somehow I knew he was actually less so, "Try not to tell Erwin I laughed. The man has known me for ten years and thinks I am incapable of doing so. It would break his cold, black heart to know that I can. To be honest I had forgotten how."

I grinned at that. "You do realize that telling me that only means I am going to let him know as soon as I can right?"

"Of course." He drove another mile and a half to a small park where a giant party was already in full swing. Music was playing everywhere and dozens of grills were fired up and cooking all manner of barbeque. "Welcome to the annual Snow Barbeque of East New York and Brownsville."

I reached for the door but Levi locked it. "I won't be with you the whole time as there are things I have to do while we're here but I will be close enough that if you need anything you call my name as loud as you can and I will be there. Even if you think you are over reacting or someone just looks at you funny. If it is someone scaring you or trying to touch you scream the name Levi-Heichou. They will be the stupidest fuckers alive if they aren't gone by the time I get there. It's a party so no one should be starting shit but even so. Come to the trunk for me real quick."

As we got out of the car Levi popped open his trunk and pulled out an item I thought I would never possess again. Strapping one on each of his hips, Levi handed me a slimmer version of his weapons. He was about to strap it onto my waist but caught the look on my face.

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow, still holding the sword with one hand. "Don't tell me you actually know how to use one of these?" The sword in his hand was a finely made steel katana whereas the ones at his hips were double edged.

"After I moved away from home I took martial arts classes. I practiced a specific sword style for years but once I moved into the T.A.P I wasn't allowed to carry my katana nor was I allowed to have it in my room."

"Huh. Maybe we will go a couple rounds if you're up for it. I am always looking for new blood." Levi smirked and for once I returned the expression.

"If you find the time for me." I told him casually. The truth was that for a long time I planned to use the swordsmanship I learned to kill the people who wronged me but after a while I became complacent. Putting down my sword and no longer practicing all the time saw me lose the bloodthirsty need to see those people breath their last. It was something I hadn't thought on in some time and now I merely saw it as a way that I lashed out against my own pain.

Levi handed me the sword and watched me strap the sheath to my hip. As we walked towards the party he smiled. "You carry it naturally."

"So do you," I teased.

"Yes, but I actually used to kill with these." At that my head whipped around. "What? You thought I used guns?"

_Yes, yes I did._ "What are you a God damn samurai?"

"No," his smile turned into a smirk. "I am the Captain of the Legion. Guns would be way too much of an advantage."

And as we melted into a wall of party goers I thought that maybe I had been underestimating how much of a bad ass Levi was.

* * *

**A/N: So I debated long and hard how I would add the Titans in here and certain other elements that will come later and this was the idea I liked the best. I am trying to figure out if Levi is too OOC here. I don't think that he's heartless but just hides his heart, sappy as that sounds…I mean all the people he cares about are in a branch of the military with the highest mortality rate…so I think he might make sappy statements only to cover it up with a vulgarity of some sort to hide how much he cares.**

**Next chapter look forward to the Snow Barbeque and other fun things. And maybe some of you can tell me what you're thinking…don't make Fallingwisteria do all the hard work now yall!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Levi was immediately swarmed by a great many attractive people and I just stood there feeling a bit dumb. "Levi-Heichou come dance with me." One floosy purred but Levi just detached the girl's arm from around his waist.

"I don't feel like partaking in any dancing sluts like you could offer today."

They just wouldn't stop though and kept trying to trap his limbs with their own. "You're always so cold." Some hood rat tramp cooed, "Let me warm you up."

Finally I had had enough. Shouldering through the bimbos I shoved the clingiest one off Levi in a casual manner that suggested I was sweeping dust rather than moving something truly noteworthy. Levi just smirked at me before hanging an arm over my shoulder.

"Took you long enough," he drawled.

The girls just stared as if they were witnessing Armageddon and I could feel their eyes like daggers at my back but I just sighed theatrically. "I'm starting to think I should have marked you last night."

Levi just rolled his eyes. "You could have tried. But you wouldn't have succeeded."

"Speaking of trying but not succeeding," I glanced up at him in humor, "Do you actually dance?"

"From time to time." Was his casual response. "Should I even bother asking if you know how? You got flustered listening to Buttons so I can only imagine moving in time to such a song…"

A couple of the people surrounding us giggled cutely and a few men who seemed interested in Levi covered smiles with gloved hands. I was fuming. A part of me wanted to drag him to the closest set of speakers and show him I could in fact dance but with so many people watching I just stomped off, several of his admirers cat calling as I went off.

* * *

Levi Point of View:

Watching Riley stomp off was unnecessarily frustrating but the more I thought about the less enjoyable it would have been for her to just drag me off to dance. Any slut here could do that. No one but Riley could make me follow them through a crowd of people to make sure she didn't get into anything dangerous. And Riley didn't know the dangers of this neighborhood or who to avoid or anything at all really and she was now angry so she would probably be reckless and not abide by the instructions I gave her.

Sure enough the idiot had run off into the unofficial turf of the Garrison. The Garrison was a shoot off of the Scouting Legion that was supposed to keep the relative peace of East New York but instead spent most of their time getting drunk and getting laid with or without the use of date rape drugs.

"So, pretty thing," some obnoxiously tall and built guy grabbed at Riley's wrist as she stormed by. The guy saw the mark on her neck and snickered. "You know, some people are getting friends to mark their necks so they aren't bothered. Who gave you that?" His pointer finger brushed against Riley's neck and I felt like I was about to explode.

Riley froze before jumping back as if she were struck. I was half hoping she would do something stupid like try to fight him just to give me a reason to think she wasn't all I thought she was. Instead she shouted my name as she was told to. The guy laughed at her.

"You got some balls, chick, but there's no way that fag ass bitch would settle for anyone. He'll fuck the brains outta anything with two legs, sure, but ain't nobody alive important to that guy." He chuckled. "I'll have to teach you some manners, using such a bold face lie." The Garrison member wrapped a swift arm around the waist of the woman I had _clearly_ marked and pulled her in closer.

I was so mad I couldn't make my legs move, but as more Garrison members closed in Riley screamed "Levi-Heichou!" It was such a strange blend of past and present that energy seemed to unlock my legs. Adrenaline I only ever felt when fighting against those asshole Titans made everything a blur and before I could even think both swords were clear of their scarabs and I had ducked under the drunkard's arm my swords crossed in front of his neck.

Of course anyone calling that particular name brought attention and just about everyone not half deaf was surrounding the place in seconds even as the idiot gangster held both hands in the air in submission. It was like he thought he had a choice on whether he would live or die. But just as I moved to cut his fucking head off I felt a small fist bury itself in my shirt under my unzipped jacket. I was lowering the weapons before I even noticed what I was doing.

That hand was reminding me that pointless deaths were dirty and disgusting and as Riley took a deep breath I remember the exact words Erwin used all those years ago. 'One day it won't be hate that motivates you. It won't be apathy or anger, indifference or even fear. One day you will find someone whose love will change you.'

* * *

Riley Point of View:

Levi relaxed his weapons and I took a deep breath; I had forgotten how to breathe as he held those swords against the man's throat. I had never seen someone so ready to kill another human being. It made my resolve to end the lives of my tormentors clearly weak.

The man seemed to have enough sense to stand very still with his hands raised, almost as one would deal with an angry animal and after a time Levi completely relaxed and the guy started backing away. Someone much older than the big bulk of muscle made his way over from the grill.

"Hannes." Levi nodded.

Cutting straight to the matter on his mind the man nodded before saying, "It's not like you to stop your blade once you deem someone a threat. But then again it's been years since you missed the party last year. What did the boy do? I'll see to whatever punishment he may need after the barbeque."

Levi stepped aside and I found a great many people looking at me. They all had a badge somewhere on their clothes similar to the Wings of Freedom but instead it was a sword with roses. The man who seemed to be in charge or at least have some form of authority, Hannes, looked surprised and I would give my left arm betting it was because he also thought Levi incapable of feeling possessive of someone.

To add to the shock and confusion of those around him Levi ground out quite simply, "He touched something that was mine." Hannes looked back at the guy with an expression that clearly questioned the man's sanity.

"I thought she was lying." The brute muttered but if I heard him I know Levi did.

"Well now you know," Levi sneered. Levi turned to the left and caught someone's eye. At his nod, Eren darted up and saluted by bringing his right fist up over his heart while his left arm hugged the small of his back. "I have to get going for that damn meeting, can you bring her to where you lot are? She's too stupid to stay out of trouble on her own."

Eren looked at me puzzling before his mind connected enough dots and he all but shouted, "Sure Heichou. Come on, you can help us cook. We are in charge of burgers this year!" Following behind the young man I took the time to notice that no one else was wearing swords. Confused I asked why Levi and, by association, I was allowed to wear weapons.

The kid grinned at me in response and lifted up his light coat and shirt to reveal an impressive glock hidden neatly in his pants' waistline. "Everyone here is packing. It might be a party but most of the people here are gangsters acting on a very fragile truce, mostly just for the day. You don't want to be the one idiot without a piece if someone starts blasting your crew. That's why you don't really see any kids. Well except child soldiers who are immersed in the urban war, but really those guys can't be considered kids anymore. Levi, well he's never used a gun. To be honest that makes more than enough sense when you watch him fight. I swear to God above I have seen him block a bullet with his sword."

"Yeah but why do I have one then…" My hand came to rest gently on the hilt of the katana Levi lent me as if to say I didn't really mind even if I was questioning it.

"Kinda like status. Some people might not be smart enough to put two and two together but if a commoner marries a king she still wears a crown right? Not saying you're a commoner or married to Levi but it's the best I could think of." Eren scratched his check with a hesitant finger.

"I knew what you meant kid," I was trying to ignore the sinking suspicion that Eren was less fond of me than he led on. I thought long and hard on what Eren's analogy could mean if I read into like he was trying to stop me from doing. It would at least mean Eren thought of Levi in a high position and that I was not worthy. On a whim I asked, "So is Levi really that great in bed or is he all hot air?"

"He's the best I've ever…" Eren jerked to a halt and whipped his head around to meet my eyes. He looked panicked. All I could do was laugh. Before he could dissemble I intervened; the kid looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"Look its cool. I have known the whole time that Levi is a man whore for anything he deems worthwhile…whatever standards he might use for that grade. You don't seem like a home wrecker or anything and even if you were if Levi wanted to cheat he already would be. No hard feelings on my part." Green eyes widened in a display of disbelief and I chuckled again as we walked into a chaotic mass of people who could barely be twenty a piece all trying to cook burgers.

It was only after an hour of helping what seemed to be the cadet ranks of the Legion that I was really able to understand anything about their past and it's almost militant system or what their task had been. Most came from other or had other family in gangs that had been destroyed by the baddies known as the Titans. They had been young; some not even legal adults at the time. I learned horror stories about Titans taking complete control of water and food supplies in the neighborhood. They would kill people completely at random, sometimes even going so far as to kick down random doors to houses and murdering anyone inside.

Eren and his adoptive sister, whose parents were killed much earlier, were hiding between a couch and a wall when a Titan killed his mother by snapping her spine and exsanguinating her as he cut mark after mark into her flesh. Their friend Armin, who lived with his grandfather, lost that only remaining family member because the kind old man was at the wrong place at the wrong time as a group of teens were shot down outside his bookstore. There were more stories that blended and coalesced into a congealed mess of cooling corpses, shed blood and unshed tears. Amidst the tragedy and pain there were other stories too.

Armin, Eren's sister Mikasa and Eren himself were new to the Legion when a horde of Titans cornered them. Eren fought tooth and nail but froze when a Titan held a gun to Armin's head with the taunt of, "Move, I dare ya." Before anyone, friend or foe, could blink there was a sword slicing through the back of the gunman's neck. He didn't even have time to realize what was going on let alone pull the trigger and just slumped over dead. The sword wielding gangster didn't just kill those Titans; he slaughtered them.

Most of the cadets had seen Levi or, in very rare cases, Erwin in action saving not just the lives of their comrades but other gangs' members and 'civilians'.

It turns out that most of the four founding members who now performed together as Sepia had 'squads' while Erwin did not in lieu of commanding the whole force and each squad had a set function. Hanji's squad, for example, was in charge of technology and even went so far as making homemade explosives and contact poisons that could be coated on a bullet that, upon entering the bod y, would kill a man even if he was shot in a non-fatal way.

Apparently Armin was on her squad at first as one of the major brain powers involved in most schemes within the squad. After a time though, Mike, who ran the tactical division, managed to rope the kid into his wing where he created battle plans and helped to pair forces among other such maneuverings. It was only on accident that the Legion learned how to really put the genius to use.

Armin took time out of seasoning the beef for the burgers to tell me himself about how he was walking home after a minor raid when a group of seven titans found him. Eren had been down the road but as he took off at an insane pace to get to his friend the Titans all pulled out guns as they got out of their still running car. Eren wouldn't have made it if he could teleport. But Armin just gauged the situation and pulled out his cellphone, which he had heavily modified down to the chips and wiring. He used the smart phone to hack into the fancy high tech SUV's chipset and forced the car to think it was in drive. The car slid in between Armin and the group as they opened fire and somehow the idiots kept shooting until a bullet nicked the fuel tank and caused a massive explosion that killed all seven while Armin hid behind a dumpster in a nearby ally.

A lot of questions and strategy evaluations placed Armin into the final squad to work his magic against the masses of Titan scum.

That last squad was Levi's squad. They were the top of the top named the Special Operations Unit; tougher than nails, stronger and more deadly than any force of nature, and cleverer than anyone had a right or need to be, they got the hardest jobs done. The Special Operations Unit fought the strongest opponents and took the least damage. They all had extremely high kill counts and were the top most wanted dead and Levi was their leader for a definite reason.

Eren was about to go into detail for more important, less known information when Jean, another member of the Legion, slapped the back of his head and jerked his thumb towards Armin. Seeing the look of confusion on my face the taller guy explained his actions.

"Armin live streams his life onto the web. He has a lot of nutty, religiously dedicated viewers so anything he hears is pretty public. It's his way of coping with what his life has become." The thought fascinated me. Sure there was no privacy but having viewers made his life seem important and worthwhile.

Then again, "So don't tell him about the wild sex dream I had? Oh and I better not tell anyone with him around." I was messing around but the lot of them stopped cooking to stare at me in interest. I laughed for a good long time at that only to be interrupted by a snort of derision.

At first I thought it was Levi done with whatever meeting he has to go to but the sneer on Eren's face dispelled that theory as much as the kid's sister popping her head up from behind the grill to rip whoever it was a new one.

"You still copy Heichou even after everything you have done to him?"

"I thought you hated him, Mikasa?" A familiar voice rudely reminded the girl in the long red scarf.

"Blaming him for what _she_ did isn't right no matter how I feel about him personally."

Oluo stiffened. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Do you?" In hindsight I should have thought through this whole 'getting involved' thing but like any other time I could remember the words just slipped out.

"He killed my best friend!" At this shriek and the angry bristling of the young punks behind me I channeled my own inner jackass and snorted in a highly amused fashion. Everyone just stared at me.

"Your best friend killed herself. Over a guy. At guy, mind you, that everyone knew full well was a poster boy for one night stands. How in the actual hell is it Levi's fault that he didn't love her? Would lying to her have been better?" I spoke as if I found the whole idea laughable but really I was angered to the point of seeing red.

That anger dropped to a chilling calm when Oluo pulled out a gun and aimed it at my head. _Check – but not checkmate._

As the overbearing idiot cocked his firearm I made my own move and, at speeds I had never attained in practice, I unsheathed my sword and cut the gun in half with the fastest Battoujutsu I could muster. The gun in question was sliced fairly cleanly in half just in front of the trigger. Behind me I heard the sound of several guns being prepared to fire. As I looked over my shoulder everyone looked just as shocked as Oluo did.

I flicked the blade, as was habit, before sheathing it. The thought that if I wanted to I could kill this pest shocked me less than it should have. Anger wasn't coursing through me so contemplation of murder wasn't excusable, though, too be fair anger should not make it okay to envision someone who irritates you bleeding out in the snow underneath your boot. _This is why holding a weapon is bad for me._ I had a lot of rage.

Thankfully the other two people who tromped up to start shit with the ass seemed to register the fact that a handful of people still had guns out and dragged the idiot away. The silence lasted longer than I thought my current companions were capable of but there seemed to be something grave about holding items made to kill for them too because they all seemed reflective instead of exuberant.

Levi finally showed up ten minutes later. He took one sweeping glance at everyone before meeting my eyes. I looked into his for a few seconds before, against every command I gave myself, I glanced down at the half of the gun still sitting in the snow guiltily.

"I saw it, Shitty Woman." Levi drawled. "Who pulled a gun on you?"

"Don't worry about it, no one got hurt," is what I told him instead of answering. Most of me was under the impression that Levi wouldn't do anything as stupid as avenging my honor or whatever but a small, annoying worry thought that perhaps he would. I saw a flicker of hurt pass through his eyes so fast it might have been my imagination and I cracked immediately. With a sigh I explained. "It was the stupid loudmouth from the mall. I spoke out of turn and he pulled a gun on me so I cut it in half." I refrained from bragging at how my sword went so fast it cut a _gun_ in half.

Levi did not look amused at the revelation that I provoked an attack. "Oh? And what did you say to him? He's a disturbed, ornery man but he wouldn't just want to shoot you."

I didn't want to repeat my words or even sentiments to Levi when he blamed himself as much as Oluo blamed him the last time I heard anything about what happened. I didn't think throwing me into the equation would absolve that guilt.

He seemed to get of waiting for an answer because his eyes flicked among the burger cooks before landing on Mikasa, as was made apparent by her voice explaining the situation and my tone of voice before repeating _exactly_ what I said.

Levi didn't flinch or show any emotion. He just stood there for the longest minute of my life, but he slowly took a step towards me as he wrapped a gloved hand through my hair and yanked on it. I was about to inform him that such an act wasn't what I would consider punishment when he leaned in, his lips on my earlobe, to whisper, "Thank you." Straightening he said more loudly, "Try to limit any defenses of my honor, integrity or whatever else to situations that won't get you killed."

My response was to smile cheekily at him. Feeling excited at the success in my attempt to save my own life, if a bit belatedly, I demanded to know when he and I would be fighting to which Levi jerked his head to an open area next to a chunk of party goers. Erwin was standing there checking a blade of his own.

"Me that that asshole do this every year like we are a goddamn circus act or something, so you can be my warm up." At first I wanted to feel insulted that I was only considered good enough to be warm up but I reconciled myself with the thought that he didn't even know I could use a sword until today. The entire crew at the grill abandoned cooking to follow us and a great deal of people swarmed around as Levi nodded at me before unsheathing his weapons, one in each hand. I wasn't sure on any necessary formality so I just took the sword he lent me, sheath and all out of the holder around my waist. I held the sheath in my left hand, hovering my right over the hilt before shaking my hand to stop it from shaking though whether or not it really was excitement like I told myself was anyone's guess.

My boyfriend turned sparring partner looked at me in confusion.

"Are you sure you know how to fight with one of those?" He asked rudely. At my serious nod he drawled, "You may want to take it out of the sheath."

In response I ran at him. Rolling his eyes, Levi side stepped easily and people laughed as he stood with his back to me. He didn't get it though.

Fascinated as I was at a young age by Western gun duels and Japanese swords and Samurai I found the sword style known as Battoujutsu a marvel beyond perfection and built a suitable style around several different teachers focusing mainly on quick draws, fighting for a short amount of time and sheathing the sword again as soon as possible to repeat the quick draw. Of course this meant that I couldn't draw my weapon until I had an opening because it literally was an opener and the most important move I would make in a fight.

Levi's shoulders were slumped in disappointment as he turned slowly to me, "What exactly are you...?" He never got the full question out because I used it as a distraction and aimed my opening slash, an upper diagonal cut that was incredible by my standards, right at his face. Levi bent backwards just enough to avoid the tip of the blade with a natural air before bringing himself up and into a fighting stance and swinging one of his weapons into my right side reflexively which made me turn and jump back so that I could use the metal lined sheathe in my left hand to block.

We fought longer than I thought I would manage against the person everyone raved about as the most elite which made me feel pretty pro until Erwin called out in a bored tone, "Levi it's almost time so quite fucking around." And at that order the man I was fighting changed. I never even believed in feeling someone's Killing Intent until that moment. I blinked my eyes and the next thing I knew Levi was behind me with two swords pressed to my neck, one in front and one at the back.

The katana dropped from my hand in surrender instinctually and I felt the blades slip away, one being sure to go from behind my dreads without cutting them. Turning quickly I pouted but Levi just graced me with that smirk that screamed 'I am superior' and whispered, "You have a long way to go, Shitty Woman," maybe for the crowd but definitely for his friends Levi got louder as he asked, "Still not afraid?"

A lot of people laughed, perhaps thinking that anyone not terrified of this man was an idiot or something but I just grinned ear to ear. "Just you wait. I am hiding _all_ your cleaning supplies when we get back." There were not many people laughing at that because few people got the joke but Levi's response was confusing to me.

He spoke in a foreign language rapidly but with so much feeling that I felt dizzy. I didn't recognize any of the words and had no idea what the language was so I couldn't hazard a guess as to what he meant by his words aside from those emotions so plain in his voice. Whatever it was that Levi said, it was something far more precious than 'I love you'.

Despite the fact that I was clueless to what Levi said his best friend seemed to know as Erwin came to stare at him though, to be fair, I wasn't sure if he was shocked, horrified, or awed. It could have been all three. Levi glanced at the other man as Erwin opened his mouth and the blonde seemed to rethink against commenting.

The next fifteen minutes proved exactly how much Levi has been kidding me during our fight and it proved the true extend of how out of my league his skills were. If I didn't know him I would have been terrified at the realization that I fought against a beast like that.

After Levi beat Erwin to a fair bit of cheering the party began to slowly disband as the streetlights flickered on around the small park. Levi was climbing into the surprising untouched Spider after stowing the swords when I finally had a second to ask the question that had been burning in me for a bit too long. Now I could have asked what language he spoke in or what he said or anything about the sword fight but I was an idiot and none of that was on my mind.

Instead I asked, "I thought you hadn't been in a relationship before me?" Well it was more of a statement that I tried really hard to ask instead of accuse.

"What are you on about?" He looked at me like I was crazy. "Who was stupid enough to tell you that a lie like 'I dated Levi'?"

"Well he didn't say it but I just thought…!"

Levi turned and gazed at me for a long moment before sighing as he figured out who I meant. "You're not cute when you're jealous, Riley. Eren was never my boyfriend. We were fuck buddies. The first time was because he wanted to get back at his angsty sister, who hated me, and his bigoted father who hated queers. After that it was a convenient lay back in a time that we both had too much stress to deal with. Now-a-days the fact that I am the brat's hero is a bit annoying but he's okay otherwise."

"Brat?" It was odd to me that Levi would call someone he slept with a brat.

"What you think I would screw a minor? He's seven yours younger than me. He just didn't act 18 at the time nor does he now. Hence, brat." I opened my mouth to ask another question but Levi seemed to already guess what I was wondering. "I'm twenty eight now."

"Hmmm, so you _are_ older than me. Three years." It was less than I was assuming the past couple months. "And I wasn't jealous!"

Levi just changed topics as if I hadn't spoken at all. "So, I have some people I have to check on that weren't at the barbeque." He spoke slowly, almost like he was unsure, which was odd because I had never seen him unsure about anything. "There are three children there, ages fifteen, thirteen and eleven. The youngest is going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life because of Titans but while she doesn't mind people being curious and staring her siblings get defensive. You just be you though and it will work out."

I wanted to know who Levi was checking up on but I figured it would gel in my head eventually so as the car roared to life I just kept my eyes on the dilapidated projects and dirty roads and I kept my questions to myself.

* * *

**A/N: Ok so for the record I have no idea if a katana can cut through a gun or not but she was high on adrenaline and that makes enough sense to me if it was a poor quality gun. Work with me k?**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

We drove for less than five minutes through empty streets to arrive at a slightly crumbling and garbage littered projects with a small ramp made out of slightly moldy plywood barely wide enough for a single wheelchair propped up the stairs of one of the entrances. Levi just parked in the small lot at the end of the closest building and got out with a huff. As I also left the warmth of the Spider a curtain in front of the window the car was parked by parted just enough for a small brown face to peek through. Levi ignored whoever that was and walked to the door with the plywood ramp leaving me to follow at a rapid pace to get out of the now frigid weather; the sun having set completely while we drove over.

Levi abused the door in front of him in much the same manner as he had mine during my attempt to piss him off after we first met and a small commotion took place inside. The only words I could hear were, "Keep away from the door Rose."

"Don't listen to her Rose; it's so cold my balls are going to fall off! Open the damn door." Levi shouted at the door.

"Levi!" It sounded like more than one voice shouting his name and after much rattling and clacking the door was pulled open by a girl slightly shorter than either of us who had short brown hair in a pixie cut and bluish silver eyes. She had on boyish cargo pants and a T-shirt that read 'Quit reading this it looks like you're staring at my tits' which I looked at way longer than was appropriate given her age. Behind the girl stood another with long blonde hair that curled and clung to her face who wore a pair of pink sweats and a warm looking sweater. An older woman stood with her hands on her hips and a disapproving frown at being undermined in her own home.

"If you don't hurry inside I'll shut the door in your face." The tomboy in front said with an impish grin. Levi seemed to take her seriously because he walked in before casually catching the door when it was about to swing shut before I could follow.

"Be nice you little shit." Levi warned and she blinked before a very mischievous smile spread across her face. Levi frowned as he looked around. "Did you leave Maria behind again, Sina, Rose?"

"She can roll herself in here if she wants to see you." The tomboy said with a pout.

"Rose…" Levi sighed but another voice called from a room off the right.

"Levi, is that really you?" The girl sounded excited and full of energy and a few seconds later the sound of rusty gears sounded followed by the girl's shout. "Wait! I'll be right there, gimme a second."

Levi did not wait though and instead walked past the family with a glance that invited me to follow. There in the living room sat a small girl in what looked like a hospital grade wheelchair. She had black hair that she kept in pig tails and her eyes were the clearest blue I had ever seen. It took me what most people would consider forever to notice that her left leg was missing from mid-thigh down.

The older woman cleared her throat as I turned my attention to the room I was in. There was a water spot on the ceiling to the right and slightly behind the couch and a small television that was currently off. There were three stacks of library books on the coffee table in front of the old, worn and holey couch. My gaze was making its way back to the small family in front of me when she spoke in a language I figured matched the one Levi spoke earlier.

I could only catch Levi's name but I was sure of the topic as the woman almost angrily pointed an imperious finger at me. Levi stepped between us as if protecting me and said something rapid fire in response. The woman spoke again, this time mentioning Erwin's name. She sounded amused.

I figure my face must have shown no small amount of confusion as the girl who answered the door, Rose, chuckled and translated. "She said she thought Levi would end up with Erwin."

"Pfft, a docile, biddable lover would be more suitable for Erwin I think. Could you imagine? If Levi was his boyfriend any fights they got in would demolish a couple city blocks at least." I said before I could stop myself.

All three girls' eyes widened and Levi sighed. "Riley, please don't fill my sister's minds with such pointless images."

And that is how you shock your girlfriend.

I felt my jaw work for a second and then just gave up on a reply to that. My eyes slid to the floor and a slight buzzing reached my ears. So that would mean… my eyes snapped to the older woman who smiled in amusement before speaking in a heavily accented voice.

"Levi must not have told you who he was bringing you to." Her eyes slid to her son, "He always was a cruel boy."

I took a deep breath and managed to utter, "I don't suppose you all would be so kind as to turn around for a moment or two so I can hit him, would you?"

The pink girl looked at me in confusion before saying quite clearly, "But hitting doesn't solve everything." It seemed so opposite of Levi that I just stared at her.

"I think you broke her, Sina." Levi said calmly.

All three girls laughed, Rose with a belly heaving sort of chortle, Sina giggled like a courtly woman at a royal ball and Maria laughed softly but heartily. That was when I realized the three brats were trying to throw me off.

"Oh, she figured that out pretty quickly!" Rose said as she got a look at my face.

"Brother has never been fond of idiots, Rose." Sina said with a patient smile.

"Makes me wonder how he deals with you so well, _tabernac_." Rose shot back in a huff and it seemed that Sina was very good at pressing her sister's buttons.

"It is impolite to use French when someone in the room does not understand it," Levi said demurely as if he had not done the same just before hand. Turning to me he translated, "_Tabernac_ basically means fucker."

"Care to translate what you said in the park?"

"You mean: _vous apporter la beauté et le sens dans mon monde sepia_?" Again Levi spoke swiftly but this time I caught a word I knew. Sepia. Was he talking about the band? Before I could nod that that was indeed what I wanted him to explain his mother gave a bit of a start. The three girls were staring at me like I was deformed or something.

"Levi," the older woman said sounded shocked, but I thought she sounded happy too. It was a weird combination that I didn't know how to interpret.

"Don't tell her." Levi glared at his sisters before giving his mother a slightly pleading glance.

The girls nodded solemnly and I felt like anything Levi said went with them. If he told them to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge they would have. His mother looked a bit irritated. "What are you playing at?" She asked in that same heavily accented English.

"Not yet, _Maman_. I need to be able to say it somehow, but let it be for now." Levi glanced over at me as if he expected me to demand what he said but honestly even if I did he wouldn't tell me so it was a waste of time to try.

"Leeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Maria whined all of a sudden. "Are you staying the night? We _never_ get to see you since you moved." Levi looked regretfully at his sisters and then to his mother.

"There is actually some stuff I need to talk to _Maman_ about. After that if she's ok with it then I will. If not I will come find you before I leave." Levi didn't seem uncertain if you didn't look him in the eye. "Riley, can you go with them?"

I considered his sisters, who were looking very suspicious, but nodded. Sina and Rose walked off without looking over their shoulder so I turned to Maria. Most adults would lower themselves to her level or smile or something like that, but I thought that if I were an eleven year old forced into a wheelchair through violence I would find that really condescending. She was missing a leg not a mind. I nodded once as I moved over and said in a voice not catered to idiots and small children, "Need a hand or ya got it?"

Maria gave me a smile that almost seemed perfect but I was a god medalist in pretending things were alright and before she could say anything I stepped behind her cheap, rusty foldable wheelchair and wheeled her out of the room. I don't know if her sisters figured out anything from the girl's smiles but she wasn't fooling me. That smile was supposed to mean, don't worry about me, I got it, I am independent and can handle all this shit. But the truth of the matter was that she was a little girl putting on pants that were too big for her and trying to act like she didn't need a belt.

Her family seemed closer than mine was so maybe they just thought ignoring the problem was the way to handle everything since it was what Maria seemed to want but taking an eleven year olds word for it was dumb. Then again, the girls in question were thirteen and fifteen so it's equally unfair to assume they knew what they were doing.

The girls in question were hanging out of a doorway down the main hall. "In here," Rose whispered before disappearing in the door. When I wheeled Maria in her sisters were giggling behind hands.

"We aren't supposed to be in Levi's room," Maria wailed and I tried not to jump. _Levi's room…Like his childhood room?_

My eyes darted around, and I was unashamed of my curiosity. There were a few paintings that had slashes in the canvas and a small lamp by an old futon covered in a thick, white comforter. The most telling thing in the room was a low, wide bookshelf filled with dozens of journals that seemed almost overused and hundreds of loose leaf paper covered in music notes and tiny corrections.

I felt myself move from behind the wheelchair to that bookshelf. I didn't open any of the books though a part of me was dying to see what was in them and instead I trailed a finger down the spine of one with a red and brown cover. I felt like I was as close as I would ever be to the inside of Levi's mind. I knew he wasn't the type to speak his thoughts clearly or to talk about his past so these journals almost screamed 'read me' but the romantic in me thought that if Levi didn't tell me himself, or at least give me permission, it was cheating in this game of romance.

Stepping away I heard the giggling that hadn't registered stop abruptly.

"You're not going to look?" Sina asked coyly.

"It's tempting but I try to respect people's privacy…And I feel more than a small amount of terror in intruding on Levi's secrets."

"More than you can handle?" Rose snarked.

"Aside from that, it would be impossible to hide the fact that I snooped. I don't think he would take it lightly." I sighed. "If he doesn't want me to know something then it's not my place to find out. I trust him…and having only known him a couple months that is pretty stupid." I stopped my ramblings there upon remembering that the audience was Levi's teen and preteen family. "Never mind that though."

"You're weird," Sina told me with a strange look on her face.

"I think so to," Rose agreed, scrunching up her nose.

Before I could even smile sadly in response Maria gave her two cents. "Levi is too though; I like her."

Sina and Rose gave their sister a look before shaking their heads. It was almost like they were giving up the argument due to Maria's opinion which was a bit weird to me but far be it from me to speak on things I found odd about anyone's family. It was _Levi's _family after all.

The door opened and Levi and his mom walked in. "I thought I told you little shits to stay outta my room." Levi snapped, but there was affection hiding in his voice that they heard.

Levi's mother stepped closer to me before speaking to her daughters. "Sina, Rose, Maria it is time for bed so get going. I have to speak to this young woman for a moment."

"Oooo someone's in trouble!" Rose teased before she dodged Levi's halfhearted swipe and ducked out the door leaving Sina to roll their sister out of the room and down the hall.

The woman smiled indulgently until the last of three doors snapped shut before her face dropped the act. As she stood before me she looked tired. It was the face of someone who knew that she lived in a neighborhood far too dangerous for her daughters but no matter how many jobs she took she couldn't afford to pay higher rent or get more food for the girls living in her care. It was this face, lined as it was with worry and fatigue, that angled down to look at me, a very honest relief slowly making its way into her eyes.

"My son," She spoke softly and I could hear the tears that this woman wanted to cry but wouldn't let herself shed. "He tells me you saved him. He has always had more emotion than he ever lets people know and he bears it by himself. He has been a solider in what we call the Urban War for too long and forgets that he can live even though others are lost. But, through all the things he has done, good and bad, he is my son so _merci. _Truly." A single tear slipped down her narrow cheek as she leaned forward and gave me a warm hug that almost made me cry.

"_Maman_, I'll be taking the girls to school tomorrow if you want to sleep in before work." Levi interrupted casually.

"Levi, you don't have to do that." His mother protested.

"Oh, I know. But I'm going to or those three will never shut up about not spending enough time with me. I'll take care of it and make sure they are busy doing homework when you get home. After that we will go to the buffet, I'll drive you guys home and then me and Riley will have to head home." Levi set the day out simply and concisely.

"I can't afford to bring you all to the buffet, you know that." The woman said sharply.

"Let me take care of you for once, you stubborn woman. I told you I have plans for the money I will be making soon so get used to it."

"You still won't tell me how you make this money, or what you're doing with your life." Her tone sounded more like she was talking to a friend than a son. Considering Levi's age and personality it was probably for the best though.

"You'll find out soon enough. It isn't illegal so it shouldn't be a problem." Levi yawned as his mother opened her mouth to talk. "Seeing as how we have to wake up early you should let me and my _femme à être_ get to bed." Again the French that I didn't understand. Levi's mother looked like she was going to have a fit. The weird thing was that it seemed like she was going to have a heart attack because she was happy because the shock was there on her face and in her widened eyes but she had a huge smile on her face as she kissed each of her son's cheeks and walked out of the room with quite footsteps, gently shutting the door behind her.

"You really gotta stop saying important things in a language I don't understand," I grouched.

"Do I know? And here I was going to let you read some of the journals in my bookshelf before bed but now I think we should just go to sleep. It's not really all that fascinating anyway. Just songs I wrote throughout the years." I felt my jaw drop at that. _All those books were _songs? "If you behave I'll let you bring them home with us."

"A-all of them?" I cursed myself for stuttering.

"Depends on how well you behave." Levi teased.

He smiled as I immediately got ready for bed and slipped beneath the white comforter only wearing the tight blank tank top out of all the clothes that my outfit was comprised of for the party. He slipped off his shirt and turned off the light before he got into bed with me and pulled me close.

I snuggled close with a soft sigh and a mumbled "Night Levi." And then I was out for the night.

* * *

Levi Point of View:

As the Shitty Woman snuggled up to me and fell asleep like it was the most natural thing in the world I found myself smiling. That was weird. Calling her things like _femme à être _to shock my mom felt too right to be a joke. If Riley knew that phrase translated to wife-to-be she would probably stroke out. Lord knows she would run out after not being able to deal with me long before I could think to make such a thought reality.

The woman didn't even tell me what happened to her. I said I wouldn't speculate but a part of me did anyway. I thought many things…did someone beat her? Try to force her? I couldn't imagine someone raping Riley. She was way too much of a fighter to let someone do something like that. _Whoever hurt her better hope I never find them. That is all I know._

I felt rage begin to boil in my veins at the very thought and instead forced myself to think of other things. Telling my maman about my thwarted suicide attempt and how Riley saved me had been difficult but Maman just nodded thoughtfully and told me that the Shitty Woman seemed good at saving me from myself.

I didn't tell her about Sepia yet. A part of me wanted it to be a surprise but that was probably my cruel side. Maman couldn't afford cable or internet so unless someone told one of the girls they wouldn't know for a good long time. That would change. I'd be damned if my family continued to live in this hell hole if I could help it.

First I would spend as much as it took to get Maria a prosthetic that would allow her to run and jump again. She told me all the time after what happened that she was just glad I came to save her but I saw the way she seemed to space out staring at people's legs and the way she would watch kids run outside with that ridiculously fake smile. It wouldn't be the same I know but it might make a real smile light up her face.

Next I would make Rose's dream come true. She always stated 'what's the point of living in New York if you can't see the Yankees play?' Her birthday was in the height of baseball season but even though she prayed and wished she never got to go to a game. For Rose we would be right next to the field beside the Yankees dugout. I would let her invite all her friends and we'd all eat hotdogs and fried dough. I don't care how filthy the stadium turns out to be; that is going to happen.

Sina was a bit more difficult to figure out but she was big into the glamour of fame. She would do well in a big fancy party with a bunch of famous people to schmooze with. It might have to wait until something like the Grammys or something but even if Sepia doesn't get invited I'll fucking buy tickets for her. I'll buy her whatever pretty dress she wants and pay for some big name stylist to do her hair and makeup.

And finally when I put a real smile on each of my sisters' faces I will move them and Maman out of this dangerous pit of sludge. They can move somewhere nice, any city they want, in any part of the city they want. I'll pay for the house in full on purchase and take care of utilities 'til the day I die. And if Sepia fell through I would do it some other way. The main motivation I had for being in a band was to use my voice and skills to provide for my precious people. Heh, like I would ever tell them that though.

The only difference is that I had Riley now too. Stupid Shitty Woman that she was not even realizing I was the vocalist she cooed over. Then again who thought that someone they knew was a mystery man they admired. It was reassuring that she fell in love with me before she knew. It would suck to be in so deep over a gold digger.

With a smile I thought one last thing before bed. Even though two of my sisters said they didn't I knew that all three did in fact seem to like the woman I chose.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I woke up the next morning to an exuberant fist pounding on a door that stood loosely on its hinges. The bed I was laying in was thinner and wider than my own and it was only after that realization that I expanded my awareness enough to catalogue the warm body resting beside and slightly underneath me. No matter how hard I struggled against the reaction my whole body flinched away from Levi, who lay awake, as he rolled his eyes. As I settled down a few inches away I felt my face heat up in shame.

"It wouldn't be you if you didn't do that," he told me, not sounding annoyed at all. "It was odd that you decided to lie like that while you were still awake in the first place." I ducked my head to hide further signs of embarrassment.

We lay like that for a few long seconds before another round of knocking and Levi nonchalantly shoved me to the far side of the bed before getting up and opening the door to his sister, Rose, who was wearing clothes she probably bought from the boys section and a beleaguered expression on her face.

"Mom said you and that weirdo were taking us to school." She went from incredibly happy to disdainful in half a sentence.

"You guys are ready then?" Levi just stood leaning against the door frame in as relaxed a pose as he seemed capable of.

"Of course. We have twenty minutes but none of us knew how long _she_ would take," Sina called from the bathroom across the hall where the smell of hairspray seemed to be hovering in a little cloud.

I felt no small amount of animosity radiating from the two of them which dispelled as Levi looked back at me with a tilt of his head. "If it takes the Shitty Woman that long we'll just leave her outside 'til I get back." The girls giggled and I snorted in amusement as I crawled off the futon and slipped into the pants I wore yesterday.

"I'll shower later," I said passively. "It's not like I stink, you would have said so immediately, and I don't have my scalp soap with me. 'Course if that's not okay I could find my way to the hotel on my own. The subway can't be that confusing."

Levi just rolled his eyes and the girls huffed in annoyance. "You were going to prank her weren't you?" Their brother asked and I felt my eyebrows rise. The girls looked at each other nervously. "Let me guess, something to make her itch in the body wash and perhaps oil in the shampoo?"

Rose seemed more willing to admit their plans than Sina and told in great detail what they had planned for my shower. "We were going to run the water in the kitchen so it would get cold too," she finished with another impish grin that seemed to be her reflection of her brother's ever-present smirk.

"You need to do your research sometimes." I said plainly and both girls glared at me harshly but they also seemed interested so I went into light detail about dread maintenance and that I wouldn't use shampoo because of it. "Besides, it's rude to stop in with no notice and then use the shower in someone's house. It's fine for Levi since he is family but I am just some random chick, right?"

The sound of rusty gears came from two doors down and Maria rolled herself into the hallway. "That's a fine way to think if you came here with anyone besides our brother." She said with another smile. "Levi never brings anyone here so you have to be important."

Rose seemed to jump on the fact that I was so clueless about exactly how Levi felt about me and sneered, "Yeah he even said that you bring…"

"Rose!" Sina dashed from the bathroom and slapped a hand over her sister's mouth with a worried glance to her brother. "He said not to say anything," she hissed.

Levi glared at the thirteen year old for a few moments before his face relaxed. From what I could see the anger was real but the reaction was for show. He really didn't want me to know what he said yesterday but there was no way he would let anyone lay a finger on these girls, not even himself. The beauty of this family's bonds hit me then and before any could react I dashed out of the room, down the hall and to the unit's door. There were two chain locks and three dead bolts but before I could get more than the first bolt unlocked a strong hand with calloused fingers closed over my hand.

I vaguely registered that Levi's sisters were all heading down the hall and staring at me like I was ridiculous but Levi just pulled me close as I resisted his comfort. "Your family did something then?" His voice sounded harsh as he spoke the accusation and I realized that _this_ was an angry Levi.

As tightly as he was holding me, hiding the tears that threatened to spill onto the shoulder of his shirt, I couldn't bring myself to say what happened. The anniversary of everything was coming up. The pain and feelings of hurt, betrayal, and disgust were too close at hand. I couldn't even nod my head so he knew his assumption was correct. I just stood frozen in front of the door to his family's home.

"We should get going soon," Levi sounded angry still but there was a hurt in his voice. I don't know if I was imagining it or if I was good at hearing the hidden meanings in his tone but to me I fucked up by not saying anything. Levi tilted my face from his shoulder to stare at my eyes and as I looked back in his I saw something unfathomable.

Levi was good at hiding his emotions but if you ever really wanted to know you could find it in the steel of his eyes. I had seen playfulness there and anger. Pain and happiness. But right now I could see something close to pain but it was different. I could be way off but it almost looked like he felt guilty.

Not for the first time since Christmas I thought on how toxic having feelings for Levi should be. He was a playboy by nature, he was volatile and rude. For a long time I thought negative things about Levi's character to try and brush aside the growing strength of my feelings but slowly things that I loved about him began to counterweigh the things that I tried to crowd my mind with. Things like: 'he is a playboy but he hasn't even tried anything with me because he sees me flinch,' or 'Levi acts rude to people he is comfortable with, anyone else he just ignores,' I might seem like a fangirl thinking these things but I truly believed these observations. In reality, Levi was very kind if he wanted to be kind to you. If he didn't he wasn't. The Levi most people knew would not run after a girl who was close to tears but the Levi I knew would if that girl was me.

Still holding me, Levi unlocked the door the rest of the way with practiced ease before throwing me over his shoulder as I squawked in protest. "Come on you three. Rose help Maria into the van. Sina make sure they buckle their seat belts; I am not getting tickets because of you little shits." All three girls rushed to do his bidding and had I not been facing the other way I am guessing I would have seen them salute or nod.

Levi clicked a button on a keychain and with a beep a rather old and beaten van unlocked. He opened the back door and shoved me in so that one of his sisters could sit up front. I just shrugged and tried to calm down. Three words kept swimming in my head though and it was making it hard to relax. _This is family_. Soon though, Maria was standing on one foot as Rose folded her chair and slid it to the very back of the van. The girls then hopped into the car, Rose first so she could help her sister. Sina climbed into the front seat after doing a seat belt check.

Levi drove slower than the speed limit on his way to the schools but i think that was because the van couldn't handle high speeds. The girls gabbed away with him and he showed cursory interest for their words. Fifteen minutes later we arrived at the schools in question which were right next to each other.

Rose crawled out past Maria and grabbed the chair with practiced ease before helping her sister out of the car and into the chair. Sina had crept out and was slowly heading towards the high school section with her head down when I got out of the very back of the van. She made it to the set of stairs leading to the door before a crew of older boys started following her. Half way up the stairs the boy in the lead grabbed at her.

I didn't even think about it, I didn't know if Levi noticed and I didn't know if Sina could fight. All I knew was that this was Levi's family and I wasn't going to let anything happen to her. Not something like being touched when she didn't want to be and her posture made it very clear that she was not willing in this case. I was storming away from the car past a bunch of kids who were mostly taller than me and up those stairs without thinking at all and grabbed the punk's wrist with a slight twist that ground his bones together painfully.

As he let out a cry of pain Sina whipped around, "Levi, don't worry…" but her eyes widened as she saw me standing there with the rest of this kid's crew circling me.

"Sorry." I had a shit eating grin on my face. "Is this boy your boyfriend?"

Sina looked terrified but shook her head reluctantly.

"Good, I won't feel so bad." I turned to look at the kid and had to look up. "She didn't want you touching her, punk ass. Guys these days…I swear."

The kid looked down at me before smirking. "Seems like you don't know your place, hag. Do you know who we are? What we can do to you?"

"Sorry, I am just a tourist from upstate so to be honest I could really care less who you are. As for what you can do to me; you can only do what I let you do." I looked over at Sina and sighed. "And regardless of how this little chit feels about me I can't let you do what you like to her. So, you either leave her alone from now on or I beat the shit out of you." I didn't know where all this was coming from. I knew martial arts and could probably handle this kid. I trained for multiple attackers so I could take them all on if they dog piled. In my head it just boiled down to the fact that she was related to Levi, though I could have just pointed all this out to the idiot and he might have done something it wasn't my first thought.

The kid swung at me and was immediately full of openings. I ducked his blow and slammed the heel of my hand into his solar plexus. As he fell the other kids in the circle decided to join in. In the end I didn't have a chance to see if I could take them all on because a sharp voice called out.

"Hey, what do you punk ass bitches think you're doing?" As Levi slowly walked up the stairs the kids all turned and then immediately threw their hands in the air. It was rather comical. With a sigh Levi climbed the rest of the way to us and brought a hand down to Sina's head to ruffle her hair. "Was this really necessary Sina?" He asked sounding proud and somewhat amused.

"Eh, I'll acknowledge her. She was about to fight them all at once though. You shouldn't have stopped the fight." Sina's smile was elegant but wicked and I felt myself shudder.

As my mouth gaped open Levi sighed. "Elegant Lady Sina of the Inner Guard. The Barricade, Middle Guard Rose. The Broken Outer Defense, Maria. Unlike me, my sisters bear Maman's maiden name; Wall. They are legends in their own right or did you really think I would leave my own blood defenseless without any knowledge of fighting? The group you were about to take on are Sina's own men. They are quite skilled so it is just as well that she sent the newbie after you first."

Rose bounded up the stairs with a big grin. "She's something else, coming to protect you, Sina. I guess she'll do, eh?"

With a sigh of my own I realized exactly how stupid I was falling in to this trap and threw my own hands in the air in surrender before crossing my arms with a huff. I was about to talk but a group of kids dressed in band tees and skinny jeans suddenly barreled through Sina's crew and crowded Levi excitedly.

"Hey, hey, whoa what the fuck?" Rose called out as the small group shoved past her.

"Wow, it's really you!" One kid cried in excitement.

"Holy shit! Levi of Sepia!" Another looked like she was about to cry.

As the commotion grew kids who knew Levi's legend as an Urban Warrior gathered around in confusion as kids who didn't know the violence but did know the music crowded around the vocalist like out of season locust. I was on the outskirts of the music fans when some tall wiry kid with acne turned and caught my eye.

"Guys!" He shouted really loud. "Look, look! It's the girl from the concert, the one who wrote Right Here!" And about half the crowd split from Levi to surround me.

"What was the song about?"

"How do you know Levi?"

"Did you know he was in Sepia?"

"What is your relationship?"

Thankfully the principal had been called by some honor student or other and he and a bunch of teachers came parading out of the school to break the party up. "Class is starting soon. Get to your classes."

The teachers continued to herd the students inside, one helped push Maria into the middle school entrance, but the Principal stood in front of Levi for a long minute. "Levi."" He acknowledged the younger man at length.

"Principal Shadis." Neither of them seemed overly thrilled to see each other.

"Please refrain from coming on school grounds. I thought I made that clear." Shadis spoke in monotone as if he was trying to hold back a large amount of rage. Levi didn't respond and instead gave a sardonic bow before walking past me and back down the stairs. I was still standing there when he reached the bottom of the stairs and tilted his head to look back at me.

"I mean, if you want to stand there all day," he looked amused again and I found my feet moving towards him easily. We got to the car and Levi started it up with a vicious twist of the ignition. "I really dislike that man."

I wasn't expecting him to say anything. Levi never was one to talk about what was on his mind but it seemed he didn't want me guessing when it came to that Shadis guy. I didn't want to appear nosey though and just nodded as Levi pulled his mother's beat up van onto the road. As we parked back in front of the projects after a long silent ride I decided to ask.

"Why," the question was simple only because I knew Levi would know what I was asking and who I was asking about.

We entered the house with the use of a key on Levi's keychain before he spoke. "Back then, with everything about the Titans going down, Erwin decided to recruit specific people from the public as spokespeople. They would speak on our behalf when everything was over in case the FBI who gave us the license to kill decided they would stab us in the back. Basically to say that we only did what was necessary, maintained order, yada yada yada. The Principal was one of those spokesmen."

Levi plopped down onto a couch in the living room and pulled me onto his lap before he continued. "He chickened out during a meeting we were holding, claimed that the Titans would kill everyone and that they would be handing body parts to the dead's family because that was all that was left. He said more children would end up like Maria. Before he could continue I knocked him out."

Before I could stop myself I asked, "Maria was hurt by the Titans, right?" Levi's grip on me tightened painfully but I didn't voice a complaint.

"I wasn't originally interested in the Legion. Erwin and I have known each other a long time but we didn't get along very well. Actually I was determined to kill him." I felt my eyes widen at that but chose not to sidetrack him. "It was summer and the girls were out enjoying the weather but Rose and Sina came back out of breath and in tears to tell me the Titans had snatched Maria. That was when I got my resolve to kill all the Titans. The Titans were comprised mostly of idiots that killed indiscriminately but there were some who we called Deviant Titans who seemed to be higher in rank. They followed the orders of Shifters; The Legion eventually recruited four of them. The Shifter Titans took orders from someone we called the Beast Titan.

"The Beast Titan liked to play games. I met him once…the day me and my squad killed him, and he told me that he hurt Maria to anger me, to make me want to kill his gang because it would be more fun that way. He played me and he did it by hurting my little sister. Killing him felt good. Too good. And this deed the Beast Titan did, Shadis used it to justify his own cowardice. He used her pain to create turmoil. More than that he reminded me every chance he got that I wasn't there to save her."

His arms loosened their hold on me a bit and I turned slightly to look at him. Telling him it wasn't his fault wouldn't work for this. After all he could have been out with them…if it was so dangerous he really had no business leaving them alone and I knew Levi knew that. So while it wasn't directly his fault he could have prevented it. "You made it right though. If I know anything about you at all you took his life slowly; you carved each sin from his flesh pound for pound, right?"

Levi let go of me and I wondered if he was expecting me to say something else. Before I could ask about those assumed words Levi shoved me off his lap and onto the couch and before I could feel any sorrow at it he was hovering over me as my back met with the other cushion. As always his face was calm and expressionless but his eyes still held answers. Confusion, hope, a small amount of fear.

"How are you still here?" _Oh this again._

With a sigh I explained, "A clean freak like you will be the one to run away first." His eyes widened before falling back to their half opened state. There were so many words I could say to Levi some about the past, some about the now, but instead I just lay under him on his mother's couch with a small smile.

"So it's just a challenge to see who will leave to you?" He spoke flippantly but his eyes clouded for a moment as if it was something he feared.

"No." The word held a hint of finality but I explained it anyway. "I am for you. The past that you speak of is the past that made you who you are. If I denied you for that past I would be denying you for who you are. Because I care so much about you I also care about your past. Cheesy and overly romantic as that sounds it feels that way. I am not scared of you or of anything you have done because it's you."

It was a fairly dramatic confession but for the second time since I met him, Levi laughed. He lowered his face to mine as he calmed down and kissed my forehead. "You talk like we have known each other for ages but I only found out you existed a month ago. You take all this new information about me, that I am a murderer that I have caused so much pain in others, indirectly or otherwise, and you just equate it to me growing into myself? Where the hell have you been?" He dissolved into chuckles again but it was a soothing sound.

The last time I heard Levi laugh he sounded a little crazed but this was different. I really didn't know what he found so funny about it. The question he asked, still chuckling at something I couldn't figure out, seemed off topic to me. "Riley, do you believe in God or souls or any of that?"

I am sure the look I gave him was incredulous to say the least but I figured he was leading me somewhere through this so for now it was best to cooperate. "I do and I don't. I believe in some guiding force but I can't believe in religion. Not after Lindsey." He remained silent, perhaps knowing that I would go into detail without a push. "She was the friend I told you about that killed herself. She was a good person; she was kind, funny, and helpful. Someone like that can't be in Hell, but people who take their own life go to Hell right? The God I believe in would understand someone's actions because he could understand their reasons. As for souls, I like to think human kind is more than just energy coursing through a physical form so I do believe in that."

Levi smirked. "I figured one of us would. So, you being the cheesy romantic that you are, and considering you believe in souls… Do you think that the idea of 'Soul Mates' is possible?"

My immediate reaction was to deny it. There was no way that everyone alive had one person meant for them. There were too many unfair variables. The other person could die before they even met or they could never meet. Their soul mate could be married to someone and never be with the person they belonged to. _But wouldn't that be a simple solution to explain the sudden intensity of my emotions for Levi?_ There had to be a better explanation than something as fanciful as Soul Mates.

"It's not impossible," I told him, "but it's not something I believe."

Levi's face fell just a bit. "I see. So how do you explain how perfect I find you to be and the rapid acceleration of your emotions towards me? We really haven't known each other that long. Not even a full month."

I puzzled it a moment. There was no answer to that; not that I could see. "Maybe I am just really clingy and codependent and you are actually delusional." It was a terrible joke.

Levi snorted before sitting up, his eyes trained on mine the whole time. "In my head the thought that you are eventually going to get sick of fucking around and leave repeats so often it is almost a constant thought. Everything else about me is trying to tell that thought that it can go fuck itself but it's not something simple, me being happy." Levi's rare bout of honesty fizzled out as he rolled his eyes. "Then again that could be psychosis."

Levi eyed me curiously for a moment before glancing to the door, "So do you want to see New York, tourist? We have to pick the terrors up at 3:15 but until then I can show you around."

There wasn't much contest against it until one thought stuck out. "Am I still supposed to be on my best behavior or have you decided on whether I can read your journals or not?"

"You would rather read old journals than explore a new city?" Levi looked floored for a few seconds before his face fell back to the standard stoic lines it usually adhered to.

"While exploring _the_ New York City sounds fun I would much rather explore you." I gave him a cheeky grin as Levi's fingers twitched on the couch cushion.

"Watch how you say things, Shitty Woman. I won't be held accountable for my actions if you drive me to them so quit fucking around." Taking a deep breath, Levi continued. "If it means that much to you, you can read some now and we'll take back anything you like. You did rush to my little sister's defense after all."

I was off the couch and rushing to his room as the last words excited the still bewildered man's mouth and he was close behind. "They are in chronological order," Levi explained as he saw me dithering about which book I should read first so I grabbed the first three. Opening the first one I saw small but neat handwriting that read:

The songs here in are written by Levi Rivaille.

I glanced up and over my shoulder at where my boyfriend was reclining on the futon. I never knew his last name. When I said it out loud he just rolled his eyes and corrected my pronunciation.

"Are you going to read or are you going to fawn over my last name?" He asked me knowing full well the answer. Without a pause my eyes flicked back to the paper as I turned the page. Page after page held songs and sometimes even snippets of lyrics. Certain phrases stuck out like blood stains on a pure white tablecloth.

_You told me think about it, well I did  
Now I don't want to feel a thing anymore._

Several pages later another set, this time from the end of a verse:

_Sometimes I sit and wonder  
Sometimes I feel like letting go  
All I know is no one should have to be alone._

Time passed quickly as I read from several of the journals. Sometimes I felt like the words were smashed together by a clever mind that knew what would sell but there were sometimes whole books of songs that I felt were from the heart.

The last page of the third book held a song that just seemed to scream heart felt. I didn't know what the words alluded to or what caused Levi to write it but of all the things I had read so far it was the most beautiful. Gently nudging Levi I held the book in his face as he opened one eye.

"What about it?" He asked sounding annoyed.

"Would you mind singing it? I want to hear how it goes." He couldn't see my face but I figured that was for the best because my blush was embarrassing to even think about. Levi took the book from me and eyed the song thoughtfully.

"I always figured this one would have a lot of screaming," He admitted casually. "But I can try to hold back if you really want. I'm not fucking singing every song you find interesting though. Only one. So if this is the one you wanna hear fine."

I grinned like I was getting a pony or something and he rolled his eyes again. He seemed to be making it into a habit really. "You can scream it if you like," I hadn't actually watched Levi scream a song though I had heard him do it online. I found it fascinating so the thought that I could watch him wasn't unappealing.

Levi just muttered a comment that sounded suspiciously like 'God damn fangirl' before he sat up and took a long, deep breath Before letting a scream out that carried his words clearly but roughly.

_Here you stand seething with guilt.  
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.  
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,  
The one thing that I cannot give. _

He skipped the next small section and went back to screaming instead.

_I can give you freedom from your guilt,  
With a flick of my wrist onto yours.  
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.  
I can give you death with the look upon my face. _

Levi took another breath and sang in a sad voice,

_This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,  
With no last kiss & no regrets;  
You don't deserve good bye.  
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,  
With no last kiss & no good bye._

_Here you stand seething with guilt._  
_Silence only justifies this act of cowardice._

_With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.  
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.  
Just the one composed with blood taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.  
Cry for you. Shed tears. Mourn. Wish the end. _

At that point he collapsed back onto the futon leaving the song unfinished. Before I could even ask he said simply, "The parts I left out are supposed to be performed by a girl. Well at least that's how it plays out in my head. It isn't a song Sepia can do anyway…we don't have a cellist and I refuse to play music in a way other than how I originally dreamed of it. Now go back to reading and wake me up around three would you?"

The books held feelings of sorrow and loneliness and the overwhelming desire to be found. The more I read the more I wanted to completely embrace Levi; not in some cheesy 'it will be alright' hug but just to be completely engulfed. He wouldn't be alone if I was there with him. He wouldn't have to feel loss or fear. But as I read it became more and more obvious to me that Levi wasn't someone who accepted others easily. He was too used to being left behind and being dropped and left alone.

In the books there were a few diary entries. Most had to do with the Titans and losing friends, or rather subordinates. There were some entries about Eren that were…graphic…and I really don't think I could look at the kid without thinking about Levi's complaints in regards to the brat's ass. But then on the inside of the back cover of the fifth book I read something that made my head snap back to Levi who was looking at me with one open eye like he was waiting for it.

_It really doesn't faze me killing men who are fathers. They are still Titans. And how can being a father matter to me in regards to who I kill when my first murder was my own dad?_

"I was wondering when you would get to that." Levi rose onto his elbow and gave me a very level look. "Are you going to ask?"

The first initial shock was wearing off and I felt my breathing slow down and my eyes relax. "Would you tell me if I did?" The words were calm and mellow. This was Levi. I didn't know what reason he would have but it would be a damn good one. If he said there was no reason it was because he wasn't going to tell me.

"It will sound like an excuse." His words were a prelude, a promise that there was no excuse for killing one's own parent and that he had no intention of making one up. "You might not have caught it but Ymir said at one point that my siblings and I all have different fathers. Each one walked off before their child was born but the day after Maria came home for the first time from the hospital a man who looked like a much older version of me with brown hair and green eyes broke in looking for Maman.

"I was seventeen at the time so Maman left me to take care of the babies while she went to get some food since we were running low. This man, he demanded to speak to Maman but as I kept explaining that she wasn't home Maria woke up and began to cry. Rose and Sina ran into the room and the guy became enraged. He started speaking in French about how Maman was a whore of a woman and that none of her children deserved to live. He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at Maria while Sina and Rose ducked behind the couch.

"I tackled the guy and we grappled. After a few minutes he pulled the trigger but I had forced the gun towards him. He shot himself below his jaw and the bullet lodged in his brain. Sina and Rose were traumatized and wouldn't enter the living room for a long time but slowly they forgot about it. Of course the police were called and I was processed but I was found innocent on grounds of self-defense. Everyone treated me like a hero for a while but it didn't change the facts." Levi gave a small shrug and pulled his cellphone out. "It's three so we need to get going."

I didn't have a moment to talk to him about it until we were on our way home from New York much later after a loud and exciting buffet dinner and a few heartfelt goodbyes. Levi's mother demanded at some point during dinner that I call her Maman and Rose, Sina and Maria took turns clinging to me as we got our plates of food. I'm not sure how much was an act on those three's parts but they seemed to be ok with me now.

Levi was pushing his sports car over one hundred miles per hour half way home when I sighed and said in a quiet but emphatic way, "I am glad you're alive Levi. Through everything you have experienced and even all the lives you have taken or been responsible for ending in any way…You are still alive. Thank you for letting me know you."

I felt like a terrible cheese ball and thought perhaps Levi would laugh again but instead he slowed down and gently pulled off to the side of the road. We sat in the artificially heated air in silence for a long time and I thought that maybe he was trying to think of what to say but Levi just gently took my hand in his and placed them both on the gear shift before he pulled back onto the empty interstate.

We got home hours later and Levi followed me right into my room for the night.

* * *

**A/N: I am going to try to get into Riley's past next chapter so be prepared. As for this chapter I revealed something I wasn't sure I would put in yet, mainly about Levi's father, but I hope that's not terrible. And now for the list of songs:**

**This is in order of lyrics mentioned**

**King For A Day by Pierce the Veil ft. Kellin Quinn**

**Alone by Sleeping With Sirens ft. MGK**

**Short Stories With Tragic Endings by From Autumn to Ashes.**

**As always I highly recommend these songs to anyone looking for new music. A warning though: The first song and last song listed do have screaming so if that's not your cup of tea you might want to refrain.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I feel I should warn but ~POSSIBLE TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER~**

* * *

Chapter 12

Levi's Point of View:

January went by in a wave of band practice and casual dates that usually ended up ruined by some tweaked out fan or other. The clothing line lesbos came and did some photo shoot with the Shitty Woman and now they had ads in magazines and online. At least they were making money now and didn't have to live off Krista's father's blood money. They were great pictures in any case, I still had the one from the night of the concert on my phone. Riley seemed like a natural.

Now it was the night before Valentine's Day and since the first of this short, dumb ass month Riley had been acting strangely. She would daze off with a horrified look on her face and there were times when she would pull the shorter dreads framing her face in to hide. At first I thought she was fucking around and being an idiot. I wouldn't put something like that past her. But then a week ago she woke me up in the dead of the night because, cliché as it sounds, she was screaming bloody murder. When I got to her room and threw the lights on she was thrashing in her sleep. The useless oxygen thieves we call staff didn't even bother to check on her. Nobody else did either.

We played some stupid game called twenty questions the next night and every night this week to distract her. If either of us took too long answering one of the pointless questions we had to say something embarrassing about ourselves, but so far neither of us needed a penalty. Tonight we were running out of lightweight questions.

"Favorite family tradition." Her voice wavered just a bit, reaffirming my suspicion that something was fucked up about her family.

I didn't think long because I didn't want to incur the penalty. "Every Easter Maman would dress the girls up in frilly dresses and we would play some egg hunt nonsense. The eggs were plastic and inside was shit like jelly beans and little peeps. One had a five dollar bill in it. I never really looked for the eggs but it was fun to watch the girls have a good time." Pausing for a minute I figured I might as well take a stab at whatever this trauma was. "Least favorite family tradition." Why didn't we form these as questions?

The Shitty Woman froze but it was her idea to play this shit so she was sure as hell going to answer. "Every Valentine's Day my mom would throw a 'Singles Appreciation Party'. There was a lot of sex, drinking and drugs. She probably still throws it but I wouldn't really know."

Another few rounds of less important questions passed where I had to answer things like, 'favorite song to sing' and 'favorite thing to do' which I answered with 'anything' and 'fuck' to which she rolled her eyes. Thankfully Riley fell asleep quickly, probably because she hadn't been sleeping well and was exhausted, and I was able to slip out for a moment.

Once out of the 'apartment' I called the best, and only, hacker I knew. Despite my displeasure the little shits of the cadet crew decided that Sepia needed a roadie crew and traveled to live in this god forsaken city instead of staying in New York City…fucking pesty shits. It was beneficial right now though.

"Arlert I need you to look something up for me." The kid was smart so he didn't bitch and instead calmly asked what I needed. "There is a party in this city on Valentine's Day that is marked by sexual activity, drugs and alcohol consumption. I need you to get an address. I have some unfinished business there."

"_I'll look right now; you probably don't even have to hang…oh. Here it is. 'Single's appreciation party'? They aren't exactly hiding it are they… It's on Windburrow house number is 167. There isn't any R.S.V.P which is good, but it starts around noon. What exactly do you need to go there for? It's pretty raunchy stuff they even…" _But I hung up on him. I had the info I needed and knowing the smart ass he would be there with back up without me asking. If anything they would be able to stop me from doing anything stupid.

I spent the whole night awake, watching over my idiot girlfriend to make sure she wouldn't jolt awake and kick me again. She seemed to have really good aim when it came to slamming her foot into my junk. I was still hesitant to think of her as my girlfriend though. She was such a flight risk and she seemed equally convinced that I would ditch her. There was also the unfortunate dilemma of my mind insisting that she was more than that. How much more could you get besides girlfriend anyway? That was a stupid question, especially considering my failed comment about soul mates. I don't even believe in souls so how the fuck does that work?

Riley woke up a little after eleven which gave me some time to work with.

"Come on Shitty Woman," I said as I shoved her out of bed. She looked over her shoulder at me with an affronted pout but I just climbed out of her bed with a grunt. "It's Valentine's Day. I'm supposed to take you out on some sort of date or something so get dressed." Before she could ask or argue I walked out and to my room next door.

A scalding hot shower and ten minutes of plucking a pair of worn jeans, a band tee and a leather jacket out of my closet later and I opened my door to see her leaning against the wall with a frown. She was wearing some concoction by Krista and that bitch Ymir that made it very difficult to ignore the cleavage and proportionally longer legs that peaked out. I was sitting here trying not to make a move on her and the idiot consistently dresses like _that_. It was such a problem.

_At least I know how to walk without drawing attention to the fact that I have a hard on._ I sighed and she turned, giving a little happy bounce that I don't think she was aware of but did not help anything. _Idiot_.

"Where are we going, Levi?" Her voice didn't betray any suspicion and I almost felt bad for pulling this on her but she wasn't going to tell me what happened between her and her family so I would just ask them.

"It's a secret so keep your damn eyes closed." I didn't need her jumping out of the car.

I didn't know where the hell Windburrow was so when we got into the sweet ass car the record company gave me…yeah fucking gave me, I turned on the GPS and told her if she opened her eyes I wouldn't talk to her for the rest of the day. That should get her to obey.

The damn TomTom brought us across town to a middle class family neighborhood where a massive party was already underway. There was an extremely intoxicated couple dry humping on the front lawn and several girls dancing in little more than lingerie by the front door of a pale pink house with a mint green door. I didn't want to be here, though a year ago it might have been up my alley, but I was tired of Riley skirting around whatever it was that had happened to her. In hindsight there were way better ways but I admit to a rather large and thought blocking rage.

I got out of the car and walked around the front of it to open her door. Before I could tell her to my chit of a girlfriend opened her eyes and just fucking froze. She wasn't even blinking but her breath came faster and faster.

We were parked in front of a house three doors down and there were some rocker chicks laughing away at the idiots on the lawn of 167. Normally I wouldn't pay them any attention but one broke off and half stomped half ran up to me to grab my shoulder and roughly spin me around. Her eye makeup made her look like a raccoon.

"Why the fuck would you bring _her_ here?" She roared as if I had committed a crime and I was more than a little impressed considering I was glaring at her like I could set her on fire with my eyes. "Have you lost your mind? Hasn't she told you what they _did_ to her? Get out of here before they see…"

"Hey Kiersty, joining in this year?" A quad of guys of various builds swaggered over like they were tough shit. They all looked way too old to be swaggering; perhaps late thirties early forties.

"Oh!" One near the back sounded like he found a million dollars. "Is that little Riley back there?"

I felt my fist clench but another was speaking. "Oh, yeah it is isn't it? Who brought our toy? Was it you?" The guy folded his arms and leaned back to observe me.

_What the hell?_

"Hey man, thanks for bringing her, it's been a long time since her mom had to drop her off the menu."

_Menu?_

"It's just as well though. She turned into a dead fish the last couple years."

_Dead fish? As in…_

"It was great when she was younger though. Remember that first year? Who got the high bid on that?" The girl Kiersty was backing up slowly heading towards the car where Riley sat shaking and hyperventilating. _High bid?_

"She was eleven right? Aw man, her screams were delicious…and the way she struggled? I got off just to that."

_What?_

"No! no! Stop! Don't come closer, I don't want it." The guy closest to me called out in a ridiculous falsetto before breaking out laughing and it all fucking clicked right there.

I let the rage sink in like it was an intimate friend. There was a moment of calm before I was airborne, launching myself at these sick excuses for men. I told myself I wouldn't be satisfied until I had ripped every inch of flesh from their frame and force fed their dicks to them while I ground the muscles along with the bones those muscles clung to into powder slowly. Before I could blink I was on the ground in a hold that I knew very well.

That hold told me that Erwin was there and he was saving my ass from spending a long time in jail. Most times as this man folded my body like a pretzel against my will I would calmly accept that I wasn't going anywhere for a while and calm down. This time was different though. These men fucking violated Riley. They _paid_ to sleep with her against her will. They hurt her for years. She was eleven when it started. Fucking eleven. I didn't care who was in my way. I would kill them and anyone who tried to stop me.

And then I met her. It wasn't like we were introduced but a tall, graceful woman with long brown hair and big blue eyes walked over with the elegance of a highly paid whore and looked down her nose at me.

"Normally I would charge you for the use of my daughter but she managed to escape these yearly parties, though paying to have her testimony viewed as the delusions of a lunatic was not cheap." She turned away from me to the men I planned to brutally maim and then kill. "Come, boys, I have a niece from North Carolina with a low bid. She isn't as young as you like them but she is new." And with that they walked away.

It was only then that I really took in the ragged, harsh breathing of the girl still sitting in my car. I heard some scuffle and Hanji shouting in surprise before that other girl began to coo like she was talking to a child or a hurt animal.

"Hey, Riley~! You remember me right? It's Kiersty. How about we get in out of this cold and I'll get you some orange flavored hot chocolate and some Oreos, just like that time in the middle of the night. Remember I found you in my Playskool house when I let my dog out. You remember Scruffs right? Come on. Can I touch you now? Okay, here let's get inside."

I watched the girl gently guide Riley towards the brick house we were parked in front of before turning and glaring at me with such a fierce expression that I almost forgot my anger. Erwin was still pinning me to the ground when the chit, Kiersty came back out and stomped up to us.

"You're not fit to drive right now so you can sit in my living room and explain to me what the _hell_ you were thinking bringing her here." Erwin let me up and followed me into the house. I was vaguely aware of Arlert following us in.

The first question I asked as soon as I came in was, "Where is she?" Riley was nowhere to be found and for a moment I panicked.

"She is somewhere she feels safe. The whole neighborhood knew what was going on but that woman has the authorities in her pocket. Free access to an eleven year old prostitute seems to grease the palms of our dear police chief. The first year she was sold she ran away from home. I found her in the play house out back when I let out my dog. I was thirteen at the time. My parents found her asleep in my room that morning and called the cops when she explained what had happened to her but they just explained it away as delusions and brought her back home. When she was sixteen things got dicey for that woman and her system so she had to send Riley away to live in a mental health ward. Now explain to me why you would bring her back here. She had to have told you, right?"

I balked at that. She had to have? "She never told me. I only knew something happened. She mentioned this bullshit party as her least favorite family tradition and…"

"And you thought bringing her here would get you answers? How self-centered can you be? Let me guess, it never occurred to you that she flinched whenever someone stood too close or touched her because she was viciously raped for five years? What, you thought she was an overly sensitive virgin or something?"

But I was no longer paying attention to this Kiersty bitch instead my mind was in the past. I did assume at first that Riley was a virgin. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that till today. There was something I was missing though. She had plenty of chances to tell me and really how was I supposed to guess _this. _So why not say something.

"_A clean freak like you will be the one to run away first." _

Fucking shit. A clean freak like me…the bitch thought she was dirty. I couldn't help myself, I laughed. That was it, all this time? She thought this would change things. After all the dirt she had on me…this which wasn't even within her control…this would end us?

Erwin was looking at me like I lost my mind which reminded me that only Riley even knew I could laugh. That idiot. I stood up swiftly and ran for the stairs with the new chit and the Commander behind me…as if they could catch me. There was only one door shut so I burst through it to see Riley curled up in a ball on the floor. There was an old greying Labrador with a torn ear gently nuzzling her leg.

The two inconsequentials following me stopped in the door or rather Erwin stopped in the door and held the other bitch back.

* * *

Riley's Point of View:

I didn't want to think about it. I was slowly coming back from a massive panic attack and all I could think was that Levi knew. He knew _everything_. I heard him laugh downstairs, that same crazed laugh like the first time, and I hid my face more tightly against my knees. When fast footfalls pounded up the stairs I held my breath but that didn't stop Levi from bursting into the room.

"You stupid fucking bitch," he shouted at the top of his lungs. I wanted to cry. I had been so happy the past couple months. I didn't want him to ever find out because I knew this would happen. I just sat there curled in a ball and told myself that whatever happened I would take it sitting just like this. "You honestly think that this changes anything?" _Wait what?_ "You think what? That you're dirty? That someone like me who can't stand filth would just drop you like a snot covered rag? Did you really think that?" I couldn't move. I think this is what shock is.

"Levi," That was Erwin's voice. _When did he get here? _

"Shut up Erwin." Levi roared. "Do you honestly think you are the only one here who looks at someone and sees who that person is and not what their past is? Do you really think…" Levi stopped pacing right in front of me, knelt down in front of me and pushed my knees down. Straddling me he grabbed my chin with his fist and practically screamed in my face. "_Look at me when I am trying to tell you I love you, you damn foolish Shitty Woman!_"

And I did. I looked right into eyes that filled softly with tears that wouldn't spill over; eyes that were usually so easy for me to read but that were currently so full of emotions I couldn't describe that I felt lost. I felt the weight of him as Levi sat back on my thighs and took a deep breath. "Stop being an idiot." He told me plainly. "And stop making me shout. I think I know a little bit of how you feel when you have to tell me you're not going anywhere now."

Levi leaned down and softly kissed me as what he just said sunk in. _I am trying to tell you I love you._ I gasped against his lips and Levi chuckled. "You always are a little slow aren't you?" Before I could reply whether it be to his question or his confession I watched Levi stand up and offer me a hand. "Come down stairs. I tend to horde favors and I have just the right person to call one in on."

I just sat there, unsure. It could be a dream. I didn't think Levi was cruel enough to trick me quite like this but that also wasn't impossible. Eyes blinking rapidly I pulled my knees back up to my chest. There was no way. Any time someone heard what happened I was too dirty for them all of a sudden. No one wanted to be friends with someone used that much. No man wanted anything to do with second hand goods.

Levi looked down at me for longer than I thought he had patience for before he stooped down and dragged me up. His eyes, grey and cloudy like a storm, closed for a moment as if he were praying for serenity and when he looked at me again he whispered very softly, "In your deepest pain, in your weakest hour, in you darkest night; you are lovely. It's fine that you've dealt with it for so long, but if you can put up with my shit, I can put up with yours."

And of course that was Levi's way of saying it was alright. He can only be soppy for so long in a month. But even then he could say the sweetest things. With a smile and a nod I let him drag me down to Kiersty's living room where the girl and what seemed to be her house mates were trying not to look curious.

"I'm not going to apologize for yelling at Levi of Sepia!" Kiersty said vehemently. "I don't care who he is she shouldn't be here. Ever."

"Fangirls?" Levi asked with a smirk as he surveyed the room. Before anyone corrected him he pulled out an old phone that I hadn't ever seen before. Flipping it open he held down the zero button until the phone beeped.

"I should have known." Erwin said cryptically but even Armin was looking in confusion as Levi held the phone to his ear.

"Connect me to Hitch." Levi said into the phone there was silence for a moment as whoever was on the other end of the line responded but it obviously wasn't what Levi wanted to hear. "Look, we all know they give the stupidest rookies phone duty so I will say this as clearly as possible so even someone of your field scores can understand. 'Get Hitch on the phone or your life of paperwork and pencils will become one of chains and knives,' do you understand me? No I am saying if you don't I am going to torture you in my spare time. Who the hell do you think it is? That god damn office has caller id right? Yes I know it just says Four." There was a clunking sound like the person on the other end dropped something heavy or perhaps fell over.

"You could just say the rank, Levi." Erwin said thoughtfully but his friend just stood there on the phone as it filled with static as the rookie ran off in terror.

"Levi…" I began but a new voice shouting from the phone interrupted me.

"_Heichou, what's cracking? I heard that band finally got off the ground! Do you have a stalker or something?"_

"Hitch, you like slaughtering worthless pigs right?" Levi said in a smooth and dangerous voice.

"_Yeah, they give the best squeals. What do you have in mind?"_

"I got a whole department in this damn city for you to pick clean."

"_Oh where are you and what is the premise. You know I've usually got free time, me and Marlowe can be right over."_

"Like I am going to give my location on an open airwave. I know you're tracking this phone so get here. You have thirty minutes." And before the woman on the other end could reply Levi slammed the phone shut and placed it on the coffee table. He looked down at it and huffed. "That woman can climb as many ranks as she wants, she is still a hopeless idiot."

Erwin gave the man who had just spent quite some time yelling at me a sidelong look. "She really means something to you if you are getting those two involved." The bassist said with a small smile.

"It's this or I go slaughter everyone in that 'party' myself. I figure you would rather have the proper officials take over considering mass murder is not good for the bands PR." Levi looked around with a sigh. He told me a few weeks ago that the general consensus is that his fans assumed we were friends and nothing else. Levi told me that Sepia's manager, some guy named Dallis Zacklay, wanted to keep things to that assumption for now so while we went on dates it was mostly things that friends could be seen doing together since Sepia's fame seemed to have sprouted overnight and the less complicated things could be the better. Of course that was thrown out of the water into freezing air when he screamed his feelings for me with fans in the room below us.

Levi looked at each of the girls before saying in a borderline seductive voice, "You'll all be keeping this a secret." And as they all simpered and smiled at him, well all of them except Kiersty, Levi walked over to me where I had backed up to the wall and leaned in close; his left knee pressed into the wall between my legs. Whispering so softly that nobody would hear, he explained, "I am not getting anyone killed though if I had my way none of them would survive. I am less able to do as I please these days; we really should have met sooner."

And then he kissed me much to the displeasure of his fans. Kiersty huffed in annoyance. We stayed that close for ten minutes before Levi suddenly swore inventively and whirled to face Armin who held his hands in the air, terrified that Levi was going to end him for some reason.

"Arlert…" Levi couldn't seem to form the words he wanted and I couldn't quite piece together the reason for his rage.

Erwin also looked over to Armin in confusion but quickly deduced the problem as he face palmed with a huff. "Armin, you should leave before they get here."

The younger blonde looked at the two of them and then down at the chest pocket on his shirt. He gasped and slapped a hand over a boxy lump there and ran for the door. That was when I remembered what it was that Armin did to cope with how his life had turned out. The little shit recorded everything.

"Fucking great!" I groaned.

"Wait…" one of Kiersty's housemates looked with excitement at where the kid sat moments before. "Armin Arlert as in _the_ Armin Arlert. The Friendly Neighborhood Hacker?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "You know him?"

"Oh my God. I was just in the same room as a legend!" The girl spun around in a circle of joy.

"A legend?" Levi asked sounding more than a little amused. "That brat?"

"How could you knock him! Armin Arlert is the best hacker of our time. The work he did against the NYC crime syndicate four years back… there are rumors of his work that are still being proven. He is revolutionary. He is brilliant. He…"

"Wet himself on the first mission he had in my squad." Levi interrupted smoothly causing the other girls to stare at him in shock while the Armin fan cooed about how cute it was that he was human. Levi sighed.

"Levi, you should watch what you say," Erwin muttered so softly that I almost missed it; everyone else seemed to have.

And then even more time passed. Levi spent it all right in front of me, blocking the window across the room from view. A little after one someone tried to open the locked front door and Levi groaned, muttering something about having to work with idiots as Erwin went and opened the door.

Walking through the door was a slip of a girl with short flaxen hair and hazel eyes who appraised the room with a smile that seemed more lewd than happy and a relaxed posture. Behind her was a straight backed man with a bowl cut and brown eyes who eyed everything critically. They were both wearing jeans and a sweater each.

The woman was the first to speak. "Oi, Heichou, what did we drive all the way here for? We had to sit in traffic all the way from Buffalo – do you have any idea how many whack jobs are on the road right now from Buffalo to _here_?"

"Well there are two less than there were now that you're here." Levi drawled easily.

"Oh, you can make a joke? Or is this to tell me the apocalypse is nigh?" The girl continued. She sounded a lot like the voice that was shouting on the phone to Levi forty-five minutes ago. "If you dragged me here to witness the growth of your harem or something, count it as two favors."

Levi just snorted before the man spoke up, his tone nervous but serious. "Hitch, I think we should get the facts instead of assuming things."

"Can I ask who it is you called to my house for whatever it is you're planning? I won't have criminals in my house so if you plan to do anything illegal…" Kiersty's words cause me to flinch slightly as Levi cast her a small glare before rolling his eyes.

Hitch just giggled almost hysterically. Calming down she sneered, "There wouldn't be anyone in your house right now if you didn't want criminals in here. Aside from the petty larceny of one Miss Delush over there in the corner, the arson of the girl Jackson on the couch here, the electronics debutant Stevens illegally downloading music on a constant basis and you yourself consistently breaking into the residence of 167 Windburrow the only person in this whole room has not down _anything_ illegal is the dreaded girl behind Heichou over there and considering the dirty laundry we found on the way here I can guess why she is little miss innocent."

"Oh, so you did look it all up? Is that why you took longer than the thirty minutes I gave you?" Levi flicked his glare to the woman and it took me a minute to process but…

"Buffalo is an hour away…" The words slipped out of my mouth and caused Hitch to burst into laughter again.

"Oh, this one is pure alright. Well aside from the prevalent Child Sexual Abuse forced on you…I suppose that detracts from overall purity…" Hitch gave a cheeky grin to Levi as if to further point out that she was pushing his buttons. "He expected us to speed dearie. As to who he called we are the good guys, don't worry."

The man who, as of yet, had barely spoken bowed to the gathering of people and gave a more formal introduction. "I am Agent Marlowe Freudenberg and this is my partner Agent Hitch. We used to work with Temporary Agent Levi, code name Heichou, four years ago and have earned a certain amount of personal debt to him as a result of those days. We, that is to say Hitch and I, are stationed with the FBI in the Internal Terrorist Detection and Elimination Division. This is all, of course, classified information and if you speak on it there will be dire consequences." Again the guy bowed and stepped back behind Hitch again.

"Atta boy Marlowe," Hitch crowed as she turned and slapped the other agent on the back which he bore with a forced smile. "Now, Heichou, I take it you really want the people who wrong the little dearie punished and not the cops in their pockets, right?"

"That or you grant me one of those useful license to kill shits that I had before so I can end this all myself." Levi face twisted into a snarl.

"You would kill the little dearie's mother? That's pretty harsh. Wouldn't she hate you for that?" Hitch leaned in with a large shit eating grin.

Levi didn't even look at me nor did he hesitate at all in his answer. "Her death would be slow and painful and I would not allow her an ounce of solace whether it be fresh air or the oblivion of the unconscious. If she wanted to, Riley could hate me but I don't see that happening. I've watched the Shitty Woman writhe in terror in her sleep and scream so loud I thought _I_ was going insane for a week now. I would enjoy torturing and then killing the woman who put her through hell even if I never saw Riley's face again after."

Hitch just snorted in amusement. "Never thought an infamous womanizer like you had the ability to fall in love. Guess you're not a sociopath after all, huh? Me an' Marlowe planned it all out on the trip over though so unfortunately you can't get your swords wet today. Wouldn't go over well with yer fan's though eh?"

"Tch," Levi still had his back to me and I wondered if he was nervous that his words just now angered me. He was good at putting on a tough act, I would give him that, but I was learning quickly that that didn't mean he didn't have a bevy of emotions.

We stayed in Kiersty's house for another four hours as Hitch called the police station and, after giving her rank and affiliation, manhandled them into showing up. After that Marlowe pulled out a small transmitter / receiver box and began to record any phone conversation within a set mileage. Before long the Police Chief called my mother and told her they had no choice but to come investigate so she should hide everything.

Not long after Hitch popped out of the house leaving her partner in charge of more recordings as she busted the bad cops with a dramatic flair I felt would be more appropriate for the movies. More FBI agents came and took statements around the neighborhood and also took my testimonial.

As an added bonus I mentioned that there were several cops in the precinct that took time with me as payment for neglecting to report the various evils of my mother's party. Levi casually walked up and broke the Police Chief's nose before Erwin had him on the floor again.

We were in the car heading home when I finally broke down again but Levi calmly pulled over and let me cry. I wasn't sad and I wasn't having a panic attack. I was just so fucking relieved. I didn't realize we were almost home until I stopped crying.

"Levi," he looked over at me with the regular smirk.

"If you say thank you I will spank you or something." His warning was a bit startling because I assumed I would be treated with kid gloves or something but I really should have known better.

"Well that's all well and good," I said with an indifferent shrug that I didn't feel. "I have a favor to ask when we get home though, so you might want to delay any spankings."

* * *

**A/N: in case you are worried it's not over yet but I am debating on actually writing certain scenes or leaving it to the imagination as I originally posted this as M for the darker adult themes. We'll see though. Please let me know how I am doing…if you want! I do understand the allure of being a silent lurker believe you me.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

We pulled in to the parking lot of the T.A.P around five. No one was outside smoking and the Program seemed to be throwing a Valentine's Day party of their own in the community room which was just as well because it allowed us to sneak upstairs and escape the notice of the crazies turned groupies that seemed to flock around Levi these days. There was a mound of chocolates and bears and cards outside the room next to mine that Levi just ignored, choosing instead to follow me into my studio almost lazily with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slightly hunched.

We didn't talk as our shoes thumped to the floor or as we drifted to sit on the bed. I wasn't sure if it was because he was starting to go into some kind of shock from the past he so recently learned of or if he was expecting me to start hyperventilating again but when we did recline on the bed Levi only lightly held me instead of the complete physical contact I was so used to these days.

Wriggling around in his arms I looked him in the eyes and smirked in a way more suited to his attitude.

"What?" He sounded like he was resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"You're surprisingly gentle when you want to be," I observed letting my lips roll into a more natural smile as he scoffed lightly.

"You mentioned a favor," Levi reminded me in a not at all subtle attempt to change the topic.

In response I leaned in and kissed him. Normally he instigated any skinship and I willingly went along which generally led to rough kisses and pulled hair. This was different though; soft and gentle. It was the kind of kiss that made your heart swell with the warm feelings that neither of us was fond of experiencing. I thought perhaps Levi hated these kinds of kisses it certainly didn't seem natural to him, feeling him tense up like a cashier getting robbed proved that a bit too soundly, but as things progressed I don't think hate was the right word.

We parted when Levi realized his hand was resting on my inner thigh under my skirt. "I am asking you to take all the memories I have that taint this day and replace it all with thoughts and memories of you. And I am asking, as a favor, that you be gentle." I couldn't bring myself to speak any louder than I was already, a mere whisper seemed too loud right now but Levi heard.

He didn't speak. I don't think he really knew what to say, but the look he gave me spoke volumes of understanding and pain and, though I wouldn't have noticed or thought it before he yelled it at me earlier, the look spoke of just how much he really did love me. There was a small glint in his eyes that told me I was asking for a lot.

Levi unwound his hand from the dreads I knew he hated and instead grasped at the ribbon the laced the back of my corset like shirt. When he finally spoke his voice was husky and lower than I was used to. "I generally have a strong distaste for being gentle in anything. One of the many reasons I don't make a habit of sleeping with any woman who couldn't be considered a whore. In any case," he pulled on the bow at the top of my shirt and began to unlace the ribbon slowly, "It is you, so I can try very hard, for now, to not ravage you until you are senseless."

As he pulled off the corset Levi smirked for a moment before pulling me in for another mind-blowingly gentle kiss. He was holding me close but his shirt was irritating me. How could cotton be so raspy? My mind was shooting off a thousand different warnings about not trusting him and that only pain, both physical and emotional awaited me after this, and many other things that had the potential to throw me into a panic but my hands seemed to move on their own and tugged at the damn fabric. Levi pulled away; arching a single brow in a way that used to make me laugh but at the moment flashed so many thoughts about control through my mind that I almost stopped for a moment to ponder exactly how in control of every part of his body he was.

"Oh," his tone was teasing. "Is my shirt bothering you? Should I take it off?" But before I could reply Levi was shifting me, laying me back on the mattress to pull of my skirt. "I really suggest you tell me to stop now if you plan to at all. I don't think I will be able to simply stop and I don't want to have to torture myself over your shitty indecisiveness later."

"Its fine," I don't know where that courage came from but it seemed effortless. I realized at that moment that I was just laying on the bed, clad only in a really unfashionable pair of underwear and Levi still had all his clothes on. _The injustice._ "So, when do I get to take your clothes off?"

"You would take too long, Shitty Woman." Levi answered simply before standing up and walking towards the door. "Stay right there. You will not like the consequences of moving." And just like that he was gone.

Because the walls were so thin I could hear his door open and then shut and I heard him walk over to the opposite side of his room to rummage in a drawer of some sort. Not even a minute later he walked back in and shed his shirt and pants until he was standing in his trunks next to the bed.

"Dating you has led me to become lazy about keeping normally essential things on my person." He flashed the condom resting between his fingers before crooking the first finger of his other hand in a wordless command to come over to him.

As I obediently sat up and scooted towards him Levi took my hand and placed it on his surprisingly hard dick through his trunks. I suppose my shock reflected easily on my face because Levi rolled his eyes. "It's been so long that seeing you in even mildly sexy clothes gets me hard these days. It might have to do with me wanting you so bad that there have been times where I considered saying 'fuck it'. I have thought about bending you over random counters a little too much.

I slid my hand up slowly, enjoying the way it made Levi shudder, until my fingers could dip into the waistband of his underwear and slowly take them off. As he stepped away from the article of clothing I kissed his hip, my fingers gently caressing his length hesitantly at first until his hand clasped roughly around mine, coaxing me to go faster and to grip more firmly.

"I have to be gentle," he purred, "You do not."

After a moment Levi pulled my hand away and slid on his condom with the ease of great practice before crawling into bed. Levi pulled off my underwear as if he were running out of patience and burrowed his face into my chest almost like he was looking for a distraction and he licked and nipped and kissed and sucked while his hand began to massage between my legs gently. I could feel his lips curve into a smile as my breath hitched and a low moan left my throat a moment later.

Two of his fingers slipped inside me and I felt my body tighten around him.

Levi pulled away to look me in the eye, his were cloudy and hazy with lust that paralyzed me for less than a second as I reminded myself who was on top of me. This was Levi. Levi was safe.

True to his word Levi slid into me slowly, softly, and gently. I moaned again as he settled deep into me before extracting himself just as slowly and that's when I decided I didn't want Levi to be slow and gentle. It was Levi, the man who threw out insults as proof of love, the man who kissed me like he was dying every time. Gentle and sweet did not describe Levi, and it was Levi who was chasing the demons away.

He paused, seeming to notice the change in opinion, before he slowly thrust back into me, leaning in to whisper in my ear. "Make up your mind Shitty Woman. Do you want me or this gentle shit?"

I felt my face light up like a god damn disco ball before he move his hips just a bit and I couldn't keep the word "you" off my lips. When Levi pulled away he had that wide 'I'm superior' smirk on his face before he began again with vigor.

My whole body rocked with his as he drove into me again and again. My abdomen felt like it was screaming 'fuck you' really loud but everything else felt amazing. I lost my senses when Levi moaned my name in a loud, deep voice. I could only think to shout his in response before I lost it completely. I dipped back into reality at the sound of something smashing into the wall across the room and then I wasn't thinking any more. Everything was about Levi and how it felt to have him thrusting into me fast and hard and rough. I felt his teeth graze my neck and chest dozens of times and I knew on some subconscious level that there were long scratch marks down his back.

"Levi," If I had a moment to care I would hate how needy that name sounded on my lips, but Levi's whole body stiffened before he relaxed completely.

Levi pulled away from me and out of me completely before curling up like an oversized cat next to me, his arm gently encircling my waist.

"Go to bed Riley." He told me, his voice still rough. "God, you're going to be the death of me."

The last thing I could recall was the comforter at the end of my bed dropping on top of me and Levi resuming his place with his arm around me.

* * *

Levi Point of View:

After waiting for Riley to fall into a deep enough sleep I very quietly got out of bed and crept to her bathroom. Not for the first time I was glad that I kept small bottles of shampoo and body wash in her shower. It was odd though because for the first time in my life I was showering not to remove the feel of whoever I was with at any given time but just to wash the sweat off my body.

As I showered I thought. This woman really was going to be the death of me. I had never lost my cool like that, moaning like a god damn no experience teenager or something. It was embarrassing. From the get go I was never affected like that no matter the partner.

_Is this what it means to have an emotional connection to someone?_ The thought stayed on my mind until I was drying off and slipping back into bed. Really the sheets were a mess so showering wouldn't have mattered in the long run. If I was honest with myself, a trait I normally maintained at least in my thoughts, I was just in need of a moment of separation to get in control. I was just getting comfortable when a knock on the door to my room next door made it abundantly clear that the fiasco that was entirely too public thanks to Arlert would not be waiting any longer.

For the first time I cursed the band and being famous in any way, shape, or form. It was such a fucking hassle. I was guessing Erwin was there at the door because there was a soft squeak of rubber sole on the overly shined tile and a new volley of knocking, this time for this room.

It really was unfortunate because I wanted the Shitty Woman to get some rest but she stirred at the polite notice of intrusion. Because whoever it was would not be waiting for permission to come in. I had just enough time to cover Riley with the ugly comforter she loved so much before the handle turned and Zacklay walked in with a frown which quickly became more pronounced as he took in the clothes scattered on the floor and the smell of sweat and sex still lingering in the air.

"I was told that video was not a hoax but it seems you have a lot of explaining to do Levi." The man was entirely too familiar.

"Are you really suggested I would fake something like _that_? I thought you were at least functionally intelligent." I counted the narrowing of his eyes as a point in my favor. I was so far in the lead anyway that it was almost pointless to keep track.

"Considering the reprehensible things I know you are capable of its not shocking," Zacklay said with a sniff but it wasn't a blow at all, merely a statement of fact that he shot out in retaliation. He was capable of better. "You're little act is all over the internet and on news channels nationwide."

"I'm still lost on the whole 'act' part." I told him casually and the guy lost it.

"You're sleeping with her!" He shouted. "If any of that was true not even you would…" Riley flinched next to me while I just snorted in amusement.

"You don't know her at all," I told him as if knowledge of the Shitty Woman would explain everything which, considering the circumstances, it probably would.

Zacklay just sat there sputtering in anger until the woman in question decided to speak up.

"Must be nice, Mr. Manager, not having something that you want overwritten in your memory." Was it right that I was so amused that she was needling him? "I asked Levi to sleep with me so that I would remember this specific day of the year for something good instead of what I normally think of when waking up on the 14th of February. Forgive me if that interferes with your or anyone else's image of Levi. I honestly wasn't giving two fucks at the time."

It was at that moment that Erwin cleared his throat from his position by the door. "Levi," he inquired lightly, he seemed to have enough sense to not stare at Riley like Zacklay was doing. "What happened to your phone? We called to set up a meeting but the dial tone cut off rather quickly and hasn't rung since."

"Oh, that?" I shrugged; the picture of nonchalance. "It should be over next to the window. You called when I wasn't in the mood to answer. I was busy you see, so to show my displeasure I threw it into the wall."

Riley, bless her heart, really, looked up at me with wide eyes and breathed out the question, "When did that happen?"

My smiling reply was, "You were quite out of your senses by that point." And she giggled before snuggling against me like I was some kind of teddy bear. It wasn't unbearable. "Should I be getting dressed?" My tone implied that if that was their expectation they could go fuck themselves.

Erwin replied, probably because Zacklay looked like he was going to fry me at any second. "The record label seems to think there is a problem with not only this publicity but also with how Zacklay here has been handling it." It was very hard not to laugh at that. "They are putting three options on the table for you; you might want to make sure Riley is awake, it involves her directly no matter what you decide."

As the Shitty Woman in question poked her head out of the blankets at my side Zacklay took over with a certain gleam in his eye, like he was going to wreak havoc on my life with whatever bomb he was dropping. "Option one: you both attend a tell all interview with Mr. L.N. on his live late night show keeping in mind that your answers reflect not only Sepia but the company." I snorted at that. Since out debut last month dozens of interview opportunities had been offered from all over but I despised talk shows and their hosts and I would be damned if they got their grubby little hands on Riley. "Option two: you officially break ties with Riley and claim the video was an act."

"No." My answer was final and it didn't take more than the time to process the option to deny it as a possibility. Zacklay looked shocked. I suppose he thought that would be my go to option. What a swine.

"Option three," Erwin picked up the slack easily as if he knew my answer to the next option. For some reason he sounded heavy though I don't know if it was because it was a bad option that I would still go for or if I was being cornered into the interview. "You leave Sepia and sign off all rights to any of the songs we have performed at any point in our history as a band."

"Fuck." I was cornered.

* * *

Riley point of View:

"Fuck." He sounded more resigned than pissed. I didn't know what was so wrong with a bunch of questions but Levi wouldn't leave the band so that had to be his choice. "Are there any pointless conditions to this interview?"

Sepia's manager, Zacklay, was staring in shock at Levi so Erwin answered. "They request three songs on their stage and free range to ask anything they want. Levi," he stressed, "you know how dangerous it would be for us to get caught in a lie so anything they ask you'll just have to grit your teeth and bare it with honesty."

Levi sighed heavily, "The other choices are unimaginable. We can pick out songs tomorrow, right Leader?" He asked Erwin with an arched brow.

"Tired?" Erwin asked bluntly.

"I could use some sleep." Levi shot back blank-faced.

Erwin gave a mock salute and wandered to the door. "Come on Mr. Zacklay, we're not getting any more out of them for the time being and if nothing else both of them are stressed." Levi snorted at that but didn't contest it as the manager walked out calmly; his mouth still slightly agape.

Ten minutes passed before I poked Levi in the side to get his attention.

"Hmm," he hummed without moving from his cat like position.

"You have to do three songs." I pointed out the obvious with skill and Levi just glared down at me as if to say 'and?' "Let me do one." Levi's generally hooded eyes widened in surprise before narrowing in calculation.

"Do you mean, like sing one of ours?" His voice was hesitant and I knew he was very possessive of his music no matter who was asking.

"No," I reassured, "My own." Ok that surprised him. "If Mike wouldn't mind letting me borrow his keyboard I can even play it myself."

"…" _How could he be in so much shock over this?_

"Is it really that hard to imagine me being able to hold a note? I mean I don't have a voice like yours but I would say it's passable and even if it's not you're not the one who…" He brought a finger to my lips to silence me.

"I don't really care about your ability to sing, if you feel comfortable doing it in front of a live studio audience with people around the country watching at home it's fine. I was more curious about the song itself. Did you write it yourself?"

I blushed. Of course Levi wouldn't be worried about me embarrassing him. My ability or inability would not cause him any problems. "It's not something I bandy about but I write a couple here and there. Not nearly enough to make a career out of it and I don't really think that many of them are all that great…but something you said today stuck in my head and the words slowly pieced together."

He nodded, his chin bumping against my shoulder as he did so. "I am guessing you want it to be a surprise since you haven't offered to sing it yet." It was a statement not a question but I agreed anyway. "I'll talk to Erwin tomorrow about it but I don't see why he would disagree." There was a long pause and then Levi spoke again. "I'll wake you up before I leave if I have to. Make sure you wash these sheets tomorrow, Shitty Woman."

I just slipped off to sleep after that and it was well into morning when a gentle nibble on my earlobe woke me up. "Levi..?" I muttered knowing that of course it was him but still checking anyway. It was an altogether new experience waking up with no clothes on. A warm hand with long calloused fingers was cupping one of my breasts and breath that smelled like mint wafted from the side of my head.

"I didn't want to just disappear," Levi voice actually sounded a little shy reminding me that waking up to a partner was not something he was used to. He had never been more than a one night stand or a casual fuck buddy to anyone so the protocol was new and unfamiliar. "Go back to sleep, I will see you later."

And just like that the warm fingers and minty breath were gone leaving me to huddle under the gaudy comforter that Levi thought I loved but that I really couldn't stand but kept because it annoyed him. I was just so tired. It had to be the stress. There is no way he wore me out this much.

It felt like only a few minutes but the door swung open, slamming into the wall with vigor and an extremely chipper and vulgarly awake voice cried out, "Riley~ are you in here?"

"Go to Hell Lily, I'm fucking tired." I hadn't really even spoken to the woman in some time but this was not the best time.

"Aw, but I just now punched Melissa in the face for you! And you won't even say high?" She what? "I guess you guys really did have sex though huh? You and Levi I mean, not you and Melissa. Girl, I am giving you twenty minutes to shower and get dressed or you bet I am gonna sit and stare at you." And with that the door was slammed into the wall with the force of a hurricane again and Lily was gone.

I had no doubt she would keep her promise so I grabbed a change of clothes from my dresser and hightailed it into the bathroom, locking the door for good measure though I honestly didn't think that would stop Lily. The shower was quick and hot, my skin turned red from the scalding water as I made sure to wash every inch of skin thoroughly. I figured air dying my hair was fine since my heat was on so I took the last few minutes of the twenty given to strip my bed and rush to the laundry room, which thankfully had a free washer open. As I walked back from the closet like room to my own I saw Melissa sporting a black eye and a vindictive glare.

Lily never seemed like the type to even know how to throw a punch, much less give a girl a shiner; color me impressed. The girl, who was actually a woman slightly older than me with triplets in the third grade who were in foster care, was bulky but seemed delicate somehow with her heart shaped face and soft blonde hair and seemed to possess a child-like innocence and vitality that made others see her as too young.

When I walked into my room she was sitting on my couch with her elbows on her knees and a mildly distressed expression that I had never, ever seen on her face. She stood up as soon as the door shut and rushed over to envelope me in a hug that sent my face crashing into her ample bosom.

"Riley, I'm sorry!" She wailed and it seemed she truly was upset about whatever she felt she did. "I ditched you because of him but you don't understand…I didn't understand. I thought there was going to be drama and a blowout. I thought he was going to use you and you would cry and I would hit him like I did that bitch Melissa. But he loves you…he fucking _loves_ you and he proved that yesterday and I'm _Sorry!_"

Wait…rewind, freeze frame a second. "Do you… hit people often?" When she stared at me blankly I dissembled a bit. "I mean that's all you if you do but I just never would have thought that you were the aggressive type."

Lily laughed. "I only hit people I think I can take and never more than one at a time. A bitch has to have some sense right?" The nonplussed look on my face made her laugh again. "I just get so mad sometimes when people wrong others who don't deserve it." Her voice started strong but melted into sheepishness before long.

Then it hit me, "So what did Melissa do?"

Lily looked at the ground over my left shoulder and answered in a small voice, "She was making fun of you because of that video. She said that now Levi knew you were a slut so he could sleep with you. She was being awful and I didn't even think, I just hauled off and punched her right in the eye."

Lily still wouldn't look at me; her eyes were darting around the room like she found the walls more fascinating than any work of art to date. Waving a hand in front of her face got her attention enough for me to smile at her. She smiled back warily. "Thank you, Lily. I'm sorry for not trying harder to understand why you dropped off the face of the earth. I really thought you were mad that I had another friend or something."

"Sorry nope, I am not that neurotic about you." She said with a grin. "I do love the new clothes though…does that brand have a plus size selection…what is it anyway?"

"Uh, Krista was talking about doing plus size to broaden their customer pool but Ymir said they would need a model first. It's a brand called Happy Berry Sadistic Plum. The creators are these cute girls one is literally the happiest little berry on the planet and the other can be really sadistic when she wants so I guess that inspired the name." I took a look at Lily carefully. Krista asked during our last shoot if I had any friends who could model their other fashions…primarily teens, males, and hopefully a plus sized woman.

"_Make sure they are proportional and have a relatively symmetrical face. They have to be at least workable because honestly we can only make so much blah into cute."_

Lily was definitely a plus sized customer. Her hair was long and straight and her green eyes looked happy and secretive; like she had an amazing secret to tell. I wasn't a good judge of proportion because I didn't have a clear understanding of what they wanted but Lily was tall with long, long legs and she carried her weight with sophistication.

The best way would be to get the pair to meet Lily and if they liked her they would just ask.

"Their shop is in New York City. Have you ever been?" I asked casually. It would be unlikely to convince Levi to bring Lily with us on any trips but she might go on her own…if not they were scheduled to come for another shoot in a couple months.

"Oh, no. I heard you went for New Year's though. I bet it was a big, super huge shock to find out who Sepia's vocalist was especially since you were dating him." Lily grinned coyly and I lightly slugged her shoulder. "Admit it; you were mad he didn't tell you!"

"Pfft," I missed Lily's banter. "I was more humiliated that I said all those things about him without knowing it was him."

I didn't notice the door opening but Levi's drawl filled the silence as he walked in, "I thought it was bearable, surprisingly. You had no idea it was me but the things you said were accurate down to the personalities of my likewise mysterious band mates and their instruments but somehow it didn't seem like you knew and were courting us. You were just speaking your mind on a band you enjoyed." Levi's eyes slid to the woman in front of me, "Hello Brat. This is the first time we have talked face to face, right?"

Lily looked like she wanted to hide for a second before straightening a bit. "Yeah, I have a feeling you already know my name since it's not a secret or anything but uh, I'm Lily."

"I know. I take it you have come to the conclusion that I am not going to make your best friend cry?" Levi asked wryly. Lily had the humility to look ashamed before Levi assured her. "I get it, my track record is not something I would trust around my sisters if it belonged to someone they were dating or hanging around and honestly trying to convince this Shitty Woman against something she decides on is like punching through a brick wall. Punch enough and it might just give, but how bloody do you really want your knuckles to be?"

"Hey!" I complained with a pout.

"If you were discussing the lesbian wonders of the fashion world though I'd say Lily has some potential. Smooth skin with a certain glow to it, large, luminous eyes and an expressive face. Your proportions are workable though not perfect and Krista tends to be happy around perky personalities. It's a wonder as to how she deals with her bitch of a girlfriend." Levi's eyes slowly raked Lily in the most practical of manners as he spoke. "If you were approved for the role would you be interested in being Happy Berry Sadistic Plum's plus sized model? For a test run at least. Well, that is if you don't ditch the work like you do your friends."

That last part was unnecessary but Lily completely ignored it. Instead she looked incredibly grateful for the offer and then burst into tears before excusing herself and running across the hall to her room. Levi glanced over at me as if to denounce any responsibility for making someone cry but I smiled softly.

"Lily has three little girls that she isn't allowed to see because she doesn't make enough money to support them and being around her is confusing to them. She tries to maintain different jobs but she's a little too eccentric to keep one. She probably realizes this is a stab in the dark but the fact that there is something to stab with might have been overwhelming." I sighed; Lily never actually told me any of this but it was easy enough to figure out through veiled comments and obvious reactions to other people's stories.

"Well it's not a promise that it will woke. For all we know Ymir will hate her and convince Krista to drop her even if she originally says yes." Levi, who was still standing in the doorway, walked past me and into the room, grabbing my wrist as he went. "Erwin said it would be helpful if you did your song because it would leave us to practice the new one I am insisting on. He said that you should join us for practice tomorrow. The show we are scheduled for is in three days in New York so you have to be sure of your music before then. And of course by should I mean be there or I am roasting you alive."

Before I could respond Levi was pulling me close to his chest and kissing my jaw just below my earlobe. I was really beginning to appreciate this whole 'sex and more intimate touching' thing

* * *

**A/N: Gosh this is so nerve wracking. I hope the smut was ok. I haven't written any before so go easy on me! Let me know if ya want. Also, welcome Lily back into the story line a bit lol. Well enjoy 'til next time. Just as a point in the right direction if anyone likes the Avengers please try t find time to read Who Am I? by Shens327 shes a close friend of mine and I kinda spell check her while she writes on my couch so give her a go if you will.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Levi spent the night with me again. I was mildly surprised that we spent it cuddling; sure we weren't wearing a single scrap of clothing but it was a comfortable night rather than a hot and steamy one and I felt a relief that surprised me. It hadn't occurred to me that having sex would set in a fear that these sorts of moments, ones of simple intimacy, would be lost.

It was nice, holding each other so close with nothing between us. Levi was warm and compact. He was all muscle. But more than any of that he was real. He was real and he wasn't going anywhere. That was a better miracle than water to wine or walking on a lake or something.

I didn't know if Levi ever trusted anyone like this before. There were people from his gang he trusted with his life and he trusted himself enough with his own body to pass it around to whatever attraction he might have for the night but did he ever have someone he trusted his heart to? Did he really trust me with it?

"What are you thinking about with that pea sized brain of yours, Shitty Woman?" Levi's voiced behind my ear snapped me out of the contemplative haze I had acquired easily.

_Might as well just ask._ "Have you ever loved anyone before?"

Levi scoffed, sounding more annoyed than usual. "What am I doing it wrong?" When I shook my head he speculated a bit. "I'm guessing family doesn't count for this? Not that kind of love and all. If I think about it, I guess I haven't. Juvenile crushes on popular girls out of my league in middle school and such were as close as I got. Then Sina was born and then Rose and Maria shortly after and I didn't have time to think about girls for a long time. I was just the rocker outcast kid in band tees and black that picked stupid fights. I have never had a shitty unrequited love for someone who never noticed me, either…nothing story book or anything. Why?"

Oh that question. After not telling Levi a huge secret for so long because I was afraid of his response I decided that I would honestly answer any question asked in private for at least a month.

"I was the idiot girl who tried to fall in love. I thought it would heal the pain I felt and put a plug in the hole in my heart. That was just a cesspool of poor decisions and heartache. I started putting a wall around myself for a while after the third guy stopped talking to me because of the past. I would say something after a while, thinking it was only right, and they would always freak out. No one wants someone used and broken, you know?"

"Never tell me their names." Levi said after a moment of silence and I could feel him shaking behind me.

"Huh?" The guy never made any sense. Was he angry or laughing? I could not see his face.

"Don't tell me the names of the people who made you close yourself off; I have enough people I want to kill for you." Coming from Levi that was actually kind of sweet. That's depressing. Levi kissed between my shoulders softly before curling closer to me. "You might not be tired, but I am going back to bed. Band practice, remember?" And with that he huffed in annoyance and began counting sheep or whatever it is he did to fall asleep. Counting conquests maybe.

Nervous as I was I ended up falling asleep around two in the morning. The sun was up and singing rays of violence into my eyes when Levi kicked me off the bed eight hours later. I know he kicked me off because I felt a distinctly foot like imprint on my back and the majestic squawk I made as I woke up was playing on repeat on his new phone. Damn recording technology.

Turning the recording off Levi smirked at me and tilted his head. "We are going to be late if you don't hurry up."

His hair was still wet and dripping down his neck and into his shirt, causing the white cotton to become see-through in some spots. The sad thing is that I don't even know if he was _trying_ to be sexy or if it just happened that way for him. I stood up, felt a bit cold, and realized I was not wearing any clothes. With another brilliantly startled squawk I darted to the bathroom, happy to see clothes already waiting.

I heard Levi walk up to the now shut door and chuckle. "I don't care one way or another but if you sing like that maybe we should call off your song."

"Shut it, dick wad." I grumbled loud enough for him to hear.

His response was to encourage me to 'hurry the fuck up before I drag you out naked.' Is it bad that I opened the door twenty seven seconds later fully dressed and ready to go? Staff just ignored us as we signed out for the day. I wasn't sure if they knew all the times we broke visiting hours and curfew so far but the more time I spent being happy with Levi the less I cared about the padlock around my cage. Levi usually parked in the T.A.P's lot instead of unit thirteen so I took it in stride that the car was there and opened the door to the passenger's seat happily. If I wasn't dating Levi I would be dating his car.

Deciding to be cheeky for the threat of being dragged around naked I told Levi that and he just looked at me for a second before laughing. "She's too good for you." He told me solemnly and then he broke into even more laughter.

"You made your car a chick?" I snorted at that.

"Would you rather I ride a guy all over town? I mean if that's the case I don't mind giving my car a sex change, it's not something that matters to me. I also assumed you would fall for it after you practically drooled on it that first time so I thought making it a girl would stop you from being too obsessed. You can't even _pretend_ to be a lesbian."

Blushing I asked, "Why are we even talking about this?" Only for Levi to helpfully rev the engine, making the whole car purr. "Oh, right. That's why."

Levi had a thing about the speed limit. When we were in the city he followed it carefully but as soon as we were on the back roads in the country heading God knows where, well there was a reason the man drove a Ferrari. I was never afraid though; even when we would slide on hidden ice Levi seemed to know how to control everything and after a couple spins we would straighten out and be on our way. I think the reason he always slowed down around other people is because he couldn't control their reactions so spinning out might lead to a crash if another car was even a speck in the distance.

An hour passed with no conversation as I watched the countryside wiz past in dull grays and muted whites. Snow was a lot like humanity really. It came to earth, fell beautiful and pure, became tainted and polluted by its surroundings, got shoved into other masses and groups of snow and then in the end it went away. Nobody ever wanted snow, not really. Not after childhood. Not when they had to deal with the snow personally. Shoveling, scraping, plowing, driving through it. When you were a kid snow was great. You could play with snow for hours. Bend it, shape it, mold it to what you wanted it to be. I guess when you're a kid you enjoy being snow's god. After a while you lose the majesty and get sick of the bullshit and snow is no longer beautiful. What I would give to see things that way again.

For a long time, life simply went on. There was no color, nor was there a purpose to it. I was in a field of dark; everything so black that there weren't even shadows. It was a wonderful thing to be able to see the whites and the greys, even if they were not the greens and riots of flowers.

Levi parked outside a large barn and I just blinked owlishly. There wasn't anything else as far as the eye could see. Maybe there would be crops or something in the spring but right now everything was a vast field of untouched white.

"Come on Shitty Woman. It looks like it might storm a bit while we are here." Levi walked carefully to the barn door, avoiding small divots in the dirt parking lot and small patches of black ice. I almost fell four times.

The barn seemed to have a security system because when I tried to tug on the door it made a siren type sound and I jumped away in shock. Levi just laughed at me until Hanji's head poked out of the door she held ajar. Hanji was staring at Levi, I was staring at Hanji and Levi was cracking up.

Mike opened the door a bit further behind the drummer and tilted his head with a sniff.

"Did you break him?" The man asked not sounding at all concerned.

"What's the password?" Hanji asked, eyeing Levi like she thought he was an imposter or something.

"Move the fuck out of the way before I slit your throat, Shitty Glasses, its damn cold out here." Levi snapped, instantly sobering.

Erwin was standing in the middle of the barn tuning his bass. "If you make a big deal out of it he's not going to laugh anymore around you." His voice echoed softly.

"Shut up, Erwin." Levi scowled.

"Ah, Riley," Erwin nodded, "We'll be listening to you play and Levi is going to try to incorporate our instruments into the song." I must have looked reluctant because Levi sighed as if highly annoyed, though his lips were turned up in a small smile.

"You don't have to sing. I am just going to help them get ideas and then I am going into the mixer room in the basement to work on the album a bit. If I promise not to listen will you do the same when we practice after? Or am I going to have to throw you outside?" He lifted an eyebrow at me like a diva again and I fought the urge to laugh.

When I nodded he gesture to the keyboard off to the left. I glanced at Mike for permission and he swept his arm towards the instrument invitingly.

"It, well, it doesn't have a lot music wise. I'm ok with words but kind of shit with music," I explained. Levi just rolled his eyes in a way that, to me, said 'well go on'. "Um," I dug into my pocket for a small chip. "Mike where would this go on this model?"

"Is that a file?" He looked at it somewhat awed, somewhat suspicious.

"Yeah, I preprogrammed it on my computer while Levi was showering yesterday. I thought it would fit alright." I stared somewhere past the tall man's hip.

"And you're shit with music?" Erwin asked skeptically.

"It was a hack job that took twenty minutes. I can spruce it up later." I was getting indignant so Mike humored me by pointing to a small slot on the back of his keyboard where small chips for preprogrammed back up music could be inserted.

Taking a deep breath I loaded the additional track and set it to start in twenty seven seconds. For those twenty seven seconds I played a soft piece and then the violins I programmed set in delicately. There were times when only the string instruments were playing and times when only the keyboard could be heard.

Levi just stood with his eyes closed as he took in the music and decided what to do. When the last note echoed off the barn walls he strode to a small chest on the floor to the left side of the room. Extracting several score sheets and a pen he sketched the parts as he saw them, one for each of his band mates. He handed them out before striding to me with a bit more purpose then I was used to.

I wondered if it was all that bad. What if he didn't want me to play? Would I just sing? But instead Levi pulled me away from the keyboard and roughly pushed me against a pile of hay that I was pretty sure was only there because it was technically a barn.

Just when I thought I was in trouble for some reason or other, Levi leaned in and whispered in the husky voice I was learning meant he was getting aroused, "Don't change anything. Ever. You are beautiful." He then nibbled my earlobe and headed to a small door that hid a staircase leading down.

"Hey, don't make a mess down there," Erwin called and I was sure that he heard what Levi said and the tone he used.

"Don't worry Erwin," Hanji said with a rather menacing chuckle, "As you know, Levi isn't the type to please himself."

I snorted, asking "Did any of you not hear him?"

"If he didn't want us to hear we wouldn't have," Mike said with another sniff. I was starting to think he had allergies.

"You've done a number on him, and I don't mean pertaining to the condition of his hormones." Erwin sounded complementary about it. Before I could explain or complain he just slid right in to the next topic. "So, you don't want him to hear?"

The why was implied and an answer was mandatory. Sometimes Erwin acted like Levi's older brother.

"Well, really honestly, and truly? It's payback." Erwin lifted his groomed eyebrows to convey his surprise and to silently prod me into further explanation. "He didn't explain anything to me about Right Here or even what it was that I said. Instead he sprang it on me the way he did. I mean I get that you're in a band and that your songs are secret but he could have told me something about what my words were."

I was surprised when the door leading downstairs popped open and Levi strode out, pulling his coat on as he went.

"You have two hours to practice. God damn Shitty Woman." He continued to walk right out the door grumbling under his breath.

"Uhhh," I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"He would have been able to hear everything in the mixer room. I am guessing if you gave a reason he didn't agree with he would have stayed. The Levi from three months ago would have stayed anyway though." Erwin explained calmly. "Since he decided to leave you have my word that I won't tell him the lyrics, though he will want to know if you sound awful."

"Who _cares_" Hanji wailed. "Let's get going already we have a time frame people."

* * *

Levi Point of View:

It would have been so easy to just listen to her sing and quell the curiosity that all but bubbled over in me. I told her I didn't care how she sounded but really I was curious. If she couldn't hold a note or anything it wouldn't matter but singing _was_ one of the few relatively positive things I was good at and a part of me wanted her to be too. Small daydreams about duets and bullshit like that had been floating through my head for days now. It would almost make life simpler if she sounded like a dying cat.

Competition in the form of my girlfriend was a bit too much drama for me; really I couldn't stop her if she wanted it but it would suck.

Instead of listening to Riley sing I unlocked the car and hopped in, the snow was starting to fall softly and slowly. Before I met the Shitty Woman I wouldn't have even noticed it was snowing nor would I find the sky filling up like a snow globe remotely beautiful. _Vous apporter la beauté et le sens dans mon monde sepia _indeed. I should tell her what that means…eventually.

Shaking my head to clear it I ran through the fresh new song we would be performing. The problem with the song, vocally at any rate, was that it switched between screams and singing back to back and while Mike could do some of the screams during the chorus where I had to sing at the same time, he was unable to do even half a verse.

Warm ups were required.

I was screaming the lyrics when a knock on the window shut me up. Much like Riley I planned to keep the song a secret from my lover; the band was going to hear it but that was all. She seemed enthralled with the way I screamed the song from my journal so I decided to add the technique into this one. It wouldn't be the first of its kind as far as Sepia was concerned.

Fortunately it was Erwin outside in the snow that seemed to be picking up. I unlocked the door figuring he had something to say in private. If he didn't he would have called instead. Erwin hopped into Riley's seat, _yes I did consider it her seat, no I wasn't ashamed of that_, and reached over to crank the heat. I let him only because his fingers were important to the band and if they froze off (or I cut them off) it would be a problem.

"You're not going to ask?" He glanced over at me conspiratorially.

"Why bother asking when you're so set on telling me?" He really was the first person who just sat there and grinned at my glares. Riley laughed at me, it was counterproductive.

"Well, there is an issue." I rolled my eyes.

"Less theatrics more information, Shitty Eyebrows."

Erwin sighed as if I was ruining his fun. I probably was. He could suck it up. "She's good. As in, minimal training to be a rival good. She is a bit rough on some longer notes but her range is surprising." I gave him a pointed look that was easy for him to interpret asking what the problem was exactly. "She sings on this show the company is going to want to get her a contract. They will want to put her through vocal lessons and sign her to a band."

"And?" I wouldn't lie and say it wasn't a concern. Competition came and went but normally you didn't have a loving, sexual relationship with your opponents. "If it's something she wants to go for she will. She doesn't seem keen on it now; either she knows she is skilled and downplays it or has no idea what she can do. Either way won't suffice as serious competition."

Erwin had probably been reading the desire since yesterday and had a very smug grin when he informed me, "You two would sound good together." When I turned to face him, more to give him full access to the scowl written on my face than to give him the satisfaction of being surprised he opened the door and got out, leaning back in to tell me, "I'm sending her out here so we can get started since you are both as stubborn as mules, she will probably offer to pay gas money for the heat."

"Like it's breaking the bank," I snorted, knowing that it was something Riley would try.

"Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her I suppose." Erwin shut the door and jogged back inside as the new phone Erwin gave me rang.

_I think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints  
Out,  
Now,  
L-o-v-e's just another word I never learned to pronounce,  
How do I say I'm sorry 'cause the word is never gonna come out,  
Now,  
L-o-v-e's just another word I never learned to pronounce._

"God damn it Eren, what?" _Yes that is Eren's ringtone; it's not really that hard to figure out why_.

"_It's coming down pretty bad."_

"Genius observation Jaeger."

"_You guys still at practice?"_

"Yeah for another hour or so, why?"

"_Well it wouldn't be right of your roadie crew to let you drive around in that so we are gonna pick you up tomorrow for the trip to New York."_

"And how are you going to manage so many people in that little ass van of yours?"

"_Well we bought a…"_

"You know what I don't think I want to know. If we stay here will you not harass me all the way to the City tomorrow?"

"_You mean it? Awesome! You're awesome Levi-Heichou."_ And the phone went dead. I guess that was a yes. Fantastic.

Riley was creeping out of the barn as I put the phone down, her iPod in her hands. _Whatever keeps her busy._ As she sat in _her_ seat I leaned in to kiss but thought better of it.

"If I kiss you I'll be late. Normally I wouldn't care but they would never let me hear the end of it and then I would have to kill them. It's hard to find talented musicians that are ok with the fact that you have committed homicide multiple times in your life so I'll see you later."

She smiled and I practically threw myself out of the car to keep my word.

* * *

Riley Point of View:

I felt confident after playing with Sepia. I never got to enjoy singing because it wasn't something that got my mom money and back in my first years of freedom I just never really felt alive enough to do so. In the end I just never got around to it. It was a startling thing to watch three experienced musicians gawk at me and forget their cues and at first I thought it was because I sounded terrible. I stopped playing and tightly shut my mouth when Hanji let out a whoop and Mike swore.

"Let's begin again," Erwin had advised. When I apologized and asked if there was any way I could improve or was it really hopeless Hanji burst out laughing. And the bassist eloquently asked, "Huh?"

Embarrassed I explained. "I haven't had a chance to sing in, well… ever. Just some radio songs and, um…I used to sing to you guys a bit, but not in over a year. I just never felt good enough to sing after a while." Erwin was giving me a 'what the fuck are you talking about' look and I looked away.

"Well that would be why Levi doesn't know you can sing." Mike said with a louder than normal sniff.

And that is how my favorite band of all time gave me their approval.

For two hours we worked on my song. The pieces Levi wrote were easy to learn I guess 'cause by the end of the first hour everyone was playing without looking at the sheets. From time to time, Erwin would have me sing different sections repeatedly asking me every so often if the notes felt right. As time went on I could see what I was doing that was messing the sound up, sometimes I would be flat and others I would warble unintentionally.

After we finished, Hanji went into a side stable I didn't notice and tossed me a bottle of water. It was cold. After taking a swig I felt a chill of wind sweep at me and Erwin was shutting the door behind himself.

Mike sniffed again and then nodded. "He isn't going to talk about the lyrics. He said he wouldn't and Erwin is a man of his word. He did mention Levi would want to know what you sounded like so he's probably going to report."

"But…wait… isn't it odd for the Commander to report to the subordinate?" I didn't know much about militant organizations but it seemed backwards.

Another sniff. "Erwin might have led us but we each worked together."

"Still do!" Hanji interjected as she handed Mike a soda.

"Yes, well…I hate to put it in this manner but Levi; he is difficult to get close to. I still don't understand what happened between the two of them; Levi used to hate Erwin…"

"He said he wanted to kill him at one point." I said with a small smile and the can of soda slipped right through his fingers. There was another sniff. "Mike," he blinked and tilted his head just a bit. "Why do you always sniff? I didn't notice you doing it on stage so I thought it couldn't be an allergy but…" I stopped talking as Hanji started laughing so hard she doubled over, arms wrapped around her stomach.

Mike sighed. "Habit." He told me before explaining further, "I have a strong sense of smell. Did you know that the human body exudes certain scents depending on emotion or if they are lying?"

I felt my eyebrows rise. "That sounds…feral."

"It used to be useful when we were forming the Legion. I could 'sniff out' different reactions and lies. For example…when we heard Levi before he went into the mixing room you tried to sound agitated but really you were embarrassed. Right? And you really haven't sung in a long time so you really thought you were bad. Some people might pretend at that but you didn't. Kudos for honesty."

At that point Erwin told me to go to the car and wait for the end of practice. Then Levi came to get me. I actually did fall this time and Levi just slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and up into a hay loft type section of the barn.

It was here that we sat, relaxing and listening to the wind blow against the roof.

"Favorite color." Levi broke the silence and it took me a minute to realize that we were going to be playing twenty questions again. The rest of the barn sounded quiet and while I was curious about where the others were hiding I figured this would be a better use of time.

There was a problem. "I can't think of any questions to ask you in return." I really couldn't.

"Just ask them back then. If you think of any you can ask them instead." He shrugged as I looked up at him. Levi had his back against the wooden side of the loft and I had my head in his lap. "Normally you're the one that wants to play this stupid game."

"I like deep colors. Crimson, Navy, forest green. If I had to pick I would say crimson. You?"

"Crimson is the color of blood." Levi commented softly and somehow I could guess what he was thinking. He confirmed my suspicion by very quietly explaining, "It's fitting that you love the color that stains my hands. I am fond of green, well, as long as it's not that neon shit. Something you hate."

"Video games. I really suck at them. Uh… same question again."

"Pointless death. So many people die when they don't have to." Levi looked down at me with a smirk, "I wonder. Name a fetish you have."

I felt my face heat up and Levi mimed looking at a watch. "T-twins." I cannot believe he got that out of me. He was looking at me thoughtfully, studying his aspect of me. The worst thing is that I still couldn't think of any questions so, "Same question." I cringed.

"Hmm, I have a couple. For now I'll say tying people up. But I guess your answer means you never noticed."

"Noticed?" I almost didn't want to know. In fact, with Levi looking at me with that rather devilish smirk I knew I really didn't.

Levi shrugged like it was no big deal as he muttered the words, "Breath play." When I just looked confused he sighed and explained. "Have you ever noticed that you hold your breath when you're about to climax?"

I don't know why but to topic made me feel indignant, like he was calling me weird or something. Crossing my arms over my chest I looked away, muttering in a very tiny voice, "It's not like I've ever…" I decided not to finish that sentence. Levi had been with plenty of partners, so had I but his were by choice so he actually enjoyed himself instead of struggling the whole time. He seemed to realize what I was going to say and frowned.

"Should I demonstrate?" I could tell if he was joking or not but I still didn't know where the others were so I became flustered and tried to distract him.

"One embarrassing fact." I almost sighed in relief when Levi just shrugged and leaned further into the wall behind him.

"Have you ever heard of manga?" I nodded, not sure of where he was going with this. "And you know about Arlert and how he records everything?"

"Yeah, considering the whole recording what happened on Valentine's Day I would say so. Why?"

"Well Arlert isn't the only one who has a weird hobby to help himself cope. That Shitty Brat Eren writes a manga he calls 'Attack on Titan' its set in a completely different scenario and in it the Titans aren't a gang but rather man eating giants. He has a lot of the members of the Scouting Legion as characters, including me."

I felt my jaw pop open. "Can I… would you mind if I read it?"

"Why would I mind, Shitty Woman? You think I would bring it up otherwise?" Well okay, I had asked a stupid question. "He always keeps copies on him and the whole brat brigade is coming to drive us to New York tomorrow because of this storm so you can just ask. You could just ask if you had questions though. I am not going to go kill puppies or something out of angst."

It never occurred to me that I could just ask Levi anything I wanted to know. It wasn't that I was afraid of his answers or that he would attack something. "I just didn't want you to have to think about it." I told him honestly.

"There isn't a moment that at least some part of me isn't thinking about everything that happened. Sometimes more of me is than others is all." He flashed me a smile, "I keep forgetting you're not scared of me."

"If you didn't do what you did, or react how you reacted, you wouldn't be who you are. People are a lot like puzzles, Levi…no I am serious don't laugh at me. Think about it. Every little piece makes the whole. Your past, the way you act, the way you say things, the people you hold close, the things you hate, the things you're afraid of; everything is just another piece. If you didn't act the way you did past or present you wouldn't be Levi Rivaille and if you weren't yourself how could I love you when the person I love is the person who has the past you have and acts the way you do? You really are an idiot if you don't get that by now. Now quit making me say cheesy things or I'll go find everyone else and we'll drink coco or something."

"Coco?" His eyes widened briefly before he snorted. "And I thought I told you not to use my last name."

It's true; he had on the way home after New Year's. "You never told me why."

"I don't want to be associated with that man." He told me simply.

"So change your last name to Wall like your mom and sisters." It seemed like an easy solution but Levi just shook his head.

"They don't need a murderer carrying their name. It's taken me a long time to have the courage to walk in that house and face them after all those lives that fell before me. I don't think I will ever be a good enough man for such a thing to be acceptable." Levi didn't speak for a long time after that and while I didn't want him to just dwell in his darkness I couldn't think of a way to bring him out.

It wasn't until we were cuddled up and ready to sleep that I could break the silence hours later. Climbing on top of him and resting my head on his chest I suggested in a very quiet and extremely embarrassed voice, "Maybe you'll find a way to make that name into a better name. Maybe you'll be able to build on it and make a family that's better than that man."

Levi let out a gusty sigh and propped his head up on his arms. "Are you offering?" He sounded amused rather than serious and for some reason that hurt a little.

"Not yet," I told him with a smile. "I would seem like the worst kind of person, expecting you to consider such things after being with me for…almost two months now, huh?"

"You're right." Levi told me as he settled back down, "You would seem like a gold digger."

I laughed because I knew he was joking.

I was about to fall asleep when I heard Levi admit quietly, "Just keep loving me a bit longer…if you can still put up with me for that long, forever won't seem so long." In response I cuddled closer to him and fell asleep.

* * *

Sepia Point of View (third person):

The band was in the mixer room snooping. Erwin was disapproving of the action but still sat in the corner of the room. He said it was to drag them out if things got too serious but he was listening to the conversation just as eagerly as Hanji and Mike.

"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit shit shit." Hanji was dancing around waving her hands like they burned. "He just said… and she knows his last name and said _that_ and oh my god…were they talking about marriage and making a family and oh, oh, oh!"

"Calm yourself Hanji," Erwin said. "He finds out you were listening he will kill you, slowly."

"He'd kill you too for something this deep, Erwin." Mike reminded him. "If you were this good at getting your god to listen to your prayers you should have asked for your own happiness."

"We all know who needed it most. I don't think God would listen to such a selfish prayer anyway." Erwin said with a smile. "If she fucks up though, she won't be able to hide well enough, she won't be able to fight good enough and she won't be able to run fast enough."

"I don't think she would want to run, hide or fight anything in that case." Hanji said; her mood surprisingly sober. "Now let's get some sleep ok? This road trip is gonna suck with all the chibis bouncing around the whole time.

* * *

**A/N: So moving right along. The songs and the other parts of the interview are going to be in the next chapter so look forward it! See ya there.**

**Songs used:**

**Starstrukkk by 3oh!3 featuring Katy Perry**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Wow, sorry for the late update. I must have written this three whole times and I still don't think there is a way for everyone to be in character. So this is my attempt. Cheers.**

* * *

Chapter 15

The snow was still falling when we arrived in New York. It painted the city in whites that quickly became grey and black from the ever present soot and smog hanging in the air. Because Eren and the others were late with the tour bus they proudly claimed as a product of their own money (Levi smacked each of them soundly) we arrived in the evening. The only one who could drive a bus was Reiner, I guess he saved up and took the license course just so he could pilot the behemoth which was painted in sepia tones. Eren drew each of the members as they were in his manga along one side. I think Levi was desperately trying not to kill the kid. Right now it was parked at the studio and we were walking around looking for a likely place to eat dinner.

In the end we entered an empty looking McDonald's. Several cash registers were open as if they were expecting more business than they had and Eren ran up to the first one he saw to place an order. Flipping open my phone, still from the eighteen hundreds mind you, I sent a brief text to Krista in case she and Ymir were free. They were the only two members of the cadet squad that I knew who hadn't packed up everything and moved down to where the band lived.

_We'll be there!_ The text came back with a little heart.

_Quit stealing your girlfriend's phone Ymir! _Krista didn't use emoticons or symbols. Ymir didn't reply back but as I ordered last the door swung open and she was dragging her small, doll like girlfriend up to the register. She obviously hadn't explained because Krista suddenly switched from confused to overjoyed and launched herself between Eren and Mikasa for hugs.

They were making such a racket that the manager came up to the counter to scold them she caught a look at the crew and sighed. Before she could open her mouth Levi leaned onto the counter with a small smile that could be considered seductive.

"Let them have their fun. We're only going to be here for a bit so what's wrong with a little friendliness?" The woman looked down at Levi and shrieked.

"Y-you… you're Levi!" I had to try really hard not to laugh at the woman's shock.

"Congratulations," Hanji cheered with false humor. "You know the lead singers name!"

The woman jerked her head to Hanji and just gaped. "You!" She practically jumped over the counter to grab Hanji's hand. "You're the best female drummer…no the best drummer I have ever heard! The combinations you create, it's like magic. It is such an honor to meet you Ms. Zoe."

Hanji gave a bubbly laugh and shook the woman's hand enthusiastically. "It's a pleasure. You drum too?"

"Yeah, I'm in a local band… oh man wait till I tell them I met _The _Levi and Hanji from Sepia. They won't even believe me!"

"Got a phone?" Hanji asked innocently. "Levi here is a grouch and won't take pictures on most occasions but I could be your proof. One drummer to another."

The manager withdrew her phone with shaking hands and handed it to a bewildered cashier with a pleading expression, puppy dog eyes included. As she did Erwin and Mike wandered over to see what the fuss was about and the manager yelped again.

"Oi, Karen what the hell is wrong with you? You're on shift and you're acting like a…" An annoyed looking man spotted the crowd in the dining room and sighed, "There are customers here and you are…" another pause and his mouth opened wide.

"Clyde, Clyde its Sepia! Here!" 'Karen' shouted happily, the cashiers were still staring in confusion but this Clyde guy, who appeared to be a friend of the manager's , dropped his annoyed shift worker act and ran over.

"Holy SHIT!" He shouted. "You're Erwin Smith! I started learning bass because of _you_. You make it seem effortless and the more I play the more I realize what a genius you are." The man started patting his pockets until he came up with a small notebook and a pen. "I know it's not polite to ask, but please can I have an autograph? I don't know if I'll ever get another chance."

Levi rolled his eyes but Erwin walked over to Clyde with a small smile as if it wasn't awkward at all. "This is the first time someone has asked for my autograph." His grin grew and he wrote the small message

To Clyde:  
Feel the bass.  
Be confident.  
Erwin Smith.

Clyde just stood there after accepting the paper while Mike, Erwin and Hanji took a photo for Karen. The even angled themselves so the Levi was in the picture behind them. Levi finally got to place his order and we got our food and sat down.

"I wonder if Clyde is in Karen's band," I muttered from where I sat, sandwiched between Erwin and Levi.

Erwin glanced at the counter and shook his head. "You can tell he isn't in a band. He's a bit too jittery for it and he doesn't own his personality. Well, that is my opinion anyway. He works hard on the bass though. It's in the way he cradles his hands as if he is subconsciously holding an instrument and the layers of callouses on his fingers. If he got more confidence he would probably be great."

"Hence your handy rose colored message, I'm sure." Levi snarked.

"I don't live my life in Sepia tones Levi." The sentence made little sense to me but it jarred Levi.

"It's a little late to change the band name," Levi muttered.

Dinner was awkward after that and conversation was stilted as we continued on our way. Without much warning Levi pulled me across the street to a small café lounge, waving the others to go on without us as we crossed the busy avenue. The small bell above the door chimed pleasantly as we found a seat against one of the walls. Several moments later a waiter walked up with a tip earning smile and pulled out a small order pad.

"What can I get for you?" He was very business-like even though his fingers twitched minutely in excitement. Something told me he wasn't a fan of Sepia but instead knew Levi somehow. There was a very bold glint in his eyes.

"I'll take an espresso," Levi looked to me but I was staring at the menu a bit overwhelmed so he sighed and ordered for me. "She'll have a cappuccino with chocolate. We'll also have a slice of Cheesecake."

The waiter seemed a bit put off as he nodded and wandered off with a sniff.

"I have a feeling he knows you." I was surprised at how calm I sounded about that because I also had a feeling I knew exactly how they knew each other.

Levi just rolled his eyes, "You do realize I know more people that I have slept with in this city then I know that I have not, right? I didn't stop to think he might be here or that he would be so obvious when I made it clear last time we ran into each other that it wouldn't be happening again."

I rolled my eyes right back and playfully muttered the words 'man whore' to which Levi nodded as if I were conferring a noble title unto him.

"I just figured it would be nice to have a moment of calm before the show and this place caters to people with fame as easily as it does people who are not famous. Basically no one is going to be screaming my name or yours." Levi paused for a moment while the waiter placed our drinks and a slice of cake on the table before giving me one of his gentler smirks. "So you know, you are going to hear things in the interview that you don't know. I'm not saving anything to tell you amongst cameras and fans though even if that is what I planned with Right Here. I just don't want you to feel like you need to pay me back for anything that comes up this time around."

That said Levi cradled his hand over his coffee cup, lifting it and taking a sip in the bizarre manner he always did. As he placed the cup down a soft bell sound filled the air as someone walked in and took the corner booth by herself. Levi plucked the fork off the table and stabbed it into the cheesecake, slowly pulling a chunk away.

"You'll have to tell me how it tastes," I told him with a smile but Levi held the fork in front of my mouth with his 'I'm superior' smirk and with a sigh I closed my mouth around the fork. As he slowly pulled the utensil away I rolled my eyes.

"How is it?" He asked me in a voice almost like a purr.

Taking a moment to appreciate the treat I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. "It's awful," I lied, "You don't want to try it trust me."

To my surprise, Levi surrendered the fork without hesitation. I wasn't going to complain though, the cheesecake was smooth and delicious; it was his fault for believing me. Scooping another small chunk onto the silverware I smiled in victory. It was short lived however. Levi's hand darted out and caught my wrist easily, gently turning my wrist and therefore the treat towards his mouth.

"You really are a Shitty Woman," he told me with a shit eating grin, "and a terrible liar. Now let me try."

Levi caught and kept my eye as he bit down, dragging his teeth along the fork slowly as he pulled away.

"It's good," he smiled but before I could reply the loud clink of porcelain slamming to a wooden surface clattered from the corner booth. When I tried to turn and look over Levi caught my face, forcing me to look directly at him. The woman who caused the disturbance got up and stomped over, breathing heavily as if enraged but someone else came over from the bar and herded the customer out with ease.

"It's been a while, Shitty Shifter," Levi snarked to which the intervening woman snorted.

"If I knew it was you I wouldn't have bothered, Heichou." She had blonde hair pinned in an elegant, business like bun, clear yet troubled blue eyes and an incredibly fit build. Noticing that I was staring she gave a small but friendly smile. "I used to work with him," she explained with a shrug.

"He called you 'Shitty Shifter,'" Her smile faltered. "I'm glad you're alright." Now she was looking at me like I was the craziest thing she had seen in her life.

"What?" She deadpanned like a pro.

"Levi told me there were some Shifter ranks that converted and helped the Legion. It would be horrible if something happened because you wanted to help people." The Shifter eyed me dangerously and I suddenly remembered that these were gangsters not puppy loving kids who wanted a pat on the back and a smile. Now would probably be a smart time to be scared; it was unfortunate that I was so thoroughly dumb.

"Face value, Leonhart. She isn't threatening you; she means what she says how she says it." Levi intervened before things could come to blows and I had to wonder at how terrifying life must be if something so placid could be misconstrued as violence.

The woman relaxed visibly before giving a small smile. "You've found someone strange Heichou."

"You can't have her Leonhart;" Levi said firmly, "this one is mine."

The blonde grinned at him as if she thought he was funny and held her hand out to me. "Annie," she introduced herself and I knew with that simple introduction that she was a woman of few words.

"I'm Riley," I told her, putting down the long forgotten fork to shake her hand. Annie nodded as she pumped my hand twice and let go.

"And everyone is friends now. Touching really. If you're through then get the hell out, Shitty Shifter." Levi groused, annoyed.

Annie rolled her eyes and huffed as she sulked away.

"Incidentally," Levi started conversationally, "you have now met all four shifter converts." I felt my eyes widen at that. "Shifters didn't usually commit the random acts of violence that their lackey subordinates partook in. Everything the Shifter rank did was in direct opposition to the Legion and being a Shifter meant that at least one of your parents was also a Shifter or part of the hierarchy of the Titans in some way. It isn't that they are all bad people so much as shit luck with who they were born to. As you know, the bond of parent to child can cause more pain then it can good; better than most."

I nodded, my mind not only straying to my mother's plans and what _I _was used for but also how Levi was manipulated into a war he originally wanted no part of not so much because of his mother, but because of someone who shared his connection to his mother. No one would ever blame Maria; it wasn't her fault at all, but it was still the facts.

"You're not going to ask?" Levi sounded surprised at my lack of blatant curiosity.

"It's not that I don't want to know. I just don't think it would be fair to ask you. If they wanted me to know they would tell me or give you permission to do so." I shrugged and busied myself with a bit of cake.

"Ymir, Reiner and the tall skinny one… Berthold." I felt myself choke on the cake and gasp for air but even as I struggled I wasn't paying attention to my lack of breath. "They told me to tell you if I thought you could manage to keep it a secret. Technically they are criminals. But they are criminals who have saved the lives of everyone in the Legion by defecting to us; they have also saved several people on a physical level and prevented their comrades from experiencing horrific deaths."

Managing to control my breathing to some degree I nodded frantically in an attempt to convey my understanding. "That puzzle philosophy I told you doesn't just apply to you." I handed the fork to Levi who speared another bite of cheesecake. "They are good people as far as I am concerned."

Levi smiled and fed me a chunk of dessert. "Good girl." His smile became wicked as I chewed thoughtfully.

"If this is my treat for correct answers I wouldn't mind being trained by you," I told him coyly. Levi just rolled his eyes.

"Was that your attempt at being seductive? You should just leave such things to me."

I huffed and made an attempt to snatch the silverware away from Levi but he was quicker. He fed me another bite and took the last for himself while I sipped at my now lukewarm beverage long enough to appreciate the smooth, milky taste and the richness of the chocolate ground into it.

As my boyfriend, I still had to get used to that…we have been going out almost two months, sipped the last of his espresso Annie came back with the bill instead of the man from earlier. Levi slapped a fifty down and Annie eyed him suspiciously.

"For the corner table's bill and tip as well as our own," Levi told her with a shrug. "You know it will be taken from your paycheck otherwise."

Annie just grunted and took the fifty like it was poison. "Thanks." She did not sound gracious.

"Anytime." He did not sound any more sincere.

"Tell Armin I said hi." Annie called as we headed for the door.

"Tell him yourself. He misses you, you know." Levi said with a grunt of his own and an awkward, pained expression.

"You're going soft if you are telling me that." Annie muttered the words but even I could hear her clearly. "It's a good look for you." Having said her piece the former Shifter turned on her heel and walked back to the bar counter with lithe as a tiger, leaving us to head back out into the cold darkness of a New York night in February.

Our meet up time with the studio's stylist was looming over us like an ugly vulture by then and we no longer had an excuse to avoid it so Levi dragged me across the streetlight lit street and into the building that housed the L.N. Nightly Show.

Inside we met a very freckled young man with a gentle smile that I recognized from Eren's manga which I only got part way through on the way up were.

"Hi," The kid said, his smile growing, "I'm Marco Bott; I'll be styling you tonight." It through me for a loop because according to Eren's work Marco was dead.

"Bott." Levi acknowledged easily.

"Heichou!" The speckled kid gave an eager salute before glancing at me and realizing his potential error.

"She knows," mankinds strongest assured him whilst returning the salute in a less excited manner. "Marco Bott, this is Riley Conner…my girlfriend. Riley this is Marco." It was the first time Levi ever formally introduced me to anyone so I was intrigued.

Then again… "How do you know my last name?"

"You know mine," He countered which made Marco straighten a bit in surprise.

"Levi…" I tried to sound menacing, I mean I never told him my name did he stalk me or something…he could have just asked, but I ended up sounding like I was begging.

"Armin did some research on his own after Valentine's Day. I told him to shut his mouth and keep it to himself but not before he spat out your name." Levi slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned against a convenient wall. "It seems we both have last names we would rather not use."

Marco fluttered between us like something was on fire until a door on the right opened and he ushered us both in. "Nobody thought we were going to have a show tonight when our previous guests called to cancel so the other stylists were given the night off, but don't worry I have everything under control!" I half expected something ironic to happen akin to the wardrobe catching on fire or a wild raccoon destroying the room at large but as we walking in there were two seats in front of a mirror and a folding screen to get dressed behind.

"What, nothing is on fire." I muttered but was Marco glanced at me, distraught I just waved a hand to imply it was nothing.

"She delights in the occasional irony," Levi explained. He was overly cordial with this kid and it confused me. "When you said you had everything under control she was thinking it would be amusing for something to have gone wrong."

"She's a bit like you then," Marco said thoughtfully and Levi sucked his teeth as if irritated. "I'll start with Heichou then; it shouldn't take long to get either of you ready since I don't really have to worry about hairdos.

Marco gracefully slid to a rack of clothing and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans with skull shaped rivets down the sides and a black t-shirt with a white bird silhouette and the word 'Freedom' emblazoned in white across the chest.

"You can both get changed at the same time though. Riley you can go behind the screen." He handed me a black, pleated miniskirt, bright red leggings a black tank top and a bright red shirt with dozens of zippers bordered in thick black lines. The back of the shirt had a single zipper going down the length of it. It was actually really cool. Looking at the tag I hid a smile as I walked behind the foldable privacy. _Happy Berry Sadistic Plum._

It didn't take long to change and when I came out Marco was already working on Levi's make up which I heard him assure Levi was just basic to keep the spot lights from washing him out. Marco had the vocalist's hair pinned so he could work on his forehead and neck and I took the opportunity to count Levi's piercings. He had five on his right ear, the one on his lobe was gaged to the same degree as his left lobe and there was an industrial in his right ear, the left ear had an extra piercing. All of his left piercings were connected with chains attached to each earring. I never really took the time to look at them, but his jewelry was very stylish. Neither man looked over to me but they both seemed to know I was back from behind my semi curtain.

"You are probably wondering why I treat Marco differently." Levi's voice shocked me out of my mild trance, one which I acquired from watching the makeup brush sweep consistently across Levi's skin. I didn't have to reply for Levi to continue and after a time he explained. "During a particularly nasty fight Marco took shots for that horse-face Jean. There were a bunch of highly skilled fighters there but no one else seemed to have noticed they were cornered. Marco became Jean's shield and a total of thirteen bullets tore through various parts of his body all on the right side. Luckily the fight ended when someone killed their leader and the Titans scattered leaving us to hear Jean screaming. There was a hospital nearby that we hauled him to but it looked like he was done." Levi paused and I realized when Marco began to talk that it was so the other man could share some of the story.

"You see, I have a pretty rare blood type and the hospital didn't have clearance to give me any but Levi got them to give me enough to survive till they could get clearance. In the end they cleared me and I was given the blood I needed. Heichou stayed the whole time so they wouldn't slack off. When I asked him why, since it seemed so out of character…I wasn't even in his squad, he just told me that the world needed more men like me." Marco pulled one hand away from unpinning Levi's hair to scratch his cheek. It was his left hand and there was an engagement ring on it.

Levi nodded to the kids hand as if asking about it and Marco blushed. "Jean asked before he headed to your town. I am actually coming back with you guys. Today is my last day. I mean, New York is glamorous and being a makeup artist is right up my alley but I can't leave him alone for long or he'll end up in trouble of some sort. He has great qualities as a leader but until he owns up to that he needs a vice-captain willing to put up with his shit." The cuss sounded weird coming from the polite boy's mouth.

"A good leader knows he's only as good as the person standing beside him." I told Marco with a faint smile.

Marco did a final touch on Levi before turning to respond only to stop mid-turn and gape like a fish. "Those ad photos weren't touched at all were they?" He sounded flabbergasted.

"Touched?" He wasn't making sense.

"He means photo shopped or enhanced," Levi translated. "Cleans up nice doesn't she?"

Marco seemed to get his bearings enough to nod. "It's a lovely canvas to work with. Perhaps a traditional rock look, cat eyes and red lips. Maybe a bit of silver around the eye lid." And he degenerated into a muttering mass of ideas as he pulled me into a chair.

"Hang on." Levi ordered and Marco halted immediately. Levi gracefully stood and prowled over with very intent eyes he eyed the zippers that I didn't quite know what to do with. Some he left closed others were opened part way and still others were opened all the way to show the black tank top underneath. "There."

He sat back down as Marco praised the idea. Marco made my makeup look easy and he water proofed it like he did it every day, which he probably did. Just as he was finished there was a knock on the door and a rotund black man with close cut hair and happy brown eyes shuffled in without waiting for permission.

"I knew you should have had a higher position amongst our stylists, Marco dear." The man said.

"You honor me L.N." So this was the host. "This here is Levi and this is Riley. No last names this time around, boss."

I could have kissed Marco for that even with L.N looking at both me and Levi with interest. "We can work with that." The host said with a gracious grin. "I just came to greet my guests of the day before the show, we have 10 minutes, and I don't know if you heard the warning bell…"

"We missed it," Levi eased into the conversation and L.N glanced over at him as if he were the most remarkable person the host had ever seen in his life.

"So you are the Levi of Sepia that everyone has been dying to interview?"

"I would have rejected this oh so humbling experience as well if I weren't cornered into it." Levi sneered in distaste.

"Camera shy?" L.N. teased, trying in the worst way to get Levi to lighten up.

"I just don't like nonsense toting losers poking their nose in my business as if me being in a band entitles the world to know my daily personal life." Levi said his piece in a matter of fact way, his mouth curling up into a shit eating grin as the host stumbled over a response.

"As much as you have a point," I interjected logically more because I knew it would irritate Levi than because I felt it necessary, "you knew damn well when you guys debuted that you would be losing your private life. It's not like you're an idiot. You can't even pretend to be one on this, can you?"

L.N blinked owlishly in confusion as if he assumed I would gang up on him with the man most people were convinced was 'just a friend' while instead I defended the host in a roundabout way.

"It doesn't mean I have to like it," Levi said with a snort.

L.N looked between us for a moment before excusing himself to get in position for the start of the show. As he left Levi sat back in his chair and crossed his leg over his knee in a way that made him look imperious and regal. Marco looked after L.N's retreating form before giving another salute and exiting quickly leaving me and Levi alone in the dressing room. With smooth grace he stood and walked over to me. Gently he placed a hand on top of my head and just stared.

"What?" He was acting like a weirdo; not speaking but staring like this was the last time he would see me.

"I just want to memorize you like this so that when I go to prison for murdering a well-known talk show host on live television I have something to think about from time to time." It was sad to consider the things that sounded sweet because it was Levi.

"You look good too, Levi." I tilted my head up from where I sat and smiled; figuring I should try to do the same for the same reason, Levi didn't seem to have much patience for nosiness so it didn't seem altogether unreasonable for him to leave in handcuffs.

A soft buzz went off above our heads and a young woman with bright pink hair rushed in and all but dragged us to the edge of the backstage to clip microphones on our shirts and run us through a few rules, things like no swearing, be polite to the host and audience, no slander; rules that would most likely be ignored.

The lights went off as she chirped the last rule, a ridiculous attempt at being cute, 'have fun,' my ass and the crowd beyond the wall type decoration we were hiding behind burst forth in cheers and whistles.

"Ladies and gentlemen, prudes and pricks and princesses welcome back for another nightly round of finding what's up. Give your host a big old round of applause, it's L.N!" A small screen by the entrance to our little cut out hidey-hole showed a spotlight raining down on the man who would be asking us inane and pointless questions all night and he shimmied and shook all the way to the stage.

"Hey there, hi there, ho there I'm L.N. and this is L.N. Nightly. Thank you for being here! Tonight we have a hell of a show to entertain you. We will be looking into the minds and perhaps hearts of two rising stars in their own fields. A great many of you have undoubtedly heard of the first, a man famous for his prowess with a guitar and impressive vocal work with the band Sepia," there was applause for cheering but when L.N. held his hand up the crowd fell silent. "The other guest is known for her modeling work for the rocker fashion moguls Happy Berry Sadistic Plum. These photos are hot people. My home girl's son has several pinned in his room and she is fully clothed in each photo… How does that work?

"Now these two guests are connected in a way that is argued on regularly. Some say they are friends, some say family, and some think they are lovers. Four days ago a video was captured from internet sensation 'Neighborhood Friendly Hacker's' live stream that many say is a hoax. We are going to play that video for you now; as a warning this show is intended for mature audiences please be aware of that as we played this recording… Now lights, and go."

The lights dimmed and then darkened and the large screen between the loveseat and desk on set glowed before an image I had yet to look up set in motion. I was scared to watch assuming I knew the look on Levi's face as he learned my darkest secret but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

At first he looked confused as the quad of men continued to taunt and provoke him. Levi stood with the blank expression I feared and I was about to look away from the recording when his face lit up like a procession of fireworks. Confusion. Shock. Guilt. An overwhelming anger. He launched himself at them with such a seething rage I thought I couldn't possibly be watching Levi, who was always so in control. I felt such a profound relief as the recording continued and Erwin was suddenly there knocking his friend literally out of the air and to the ground where he continued to struggle with murder in his eyes.

The video continued, showing my mother and her disdainful words and Kiersty guiding me into her house but all I could see was Levi's face morphing; changing with potent feeling. How could anyone not know he loved me? Or was it that they just didn't _know _Levi? How could I ever have ever questioned his feelings? Maybe I still didn't know Levi.

The crowd was reacting to what they just saw but I wasn't focusing on the cheers or distressed sounds people didn't seem to know how to choose between. Instead, I was watching Levi. He was frowning but his eyes were alive were up with emotions like anger, pain, and embarrassment. I would have loved to kiss him but we would be on that ridiculous stage soon and being absorbed with Levi and his kiss, while enjoyable and desired wasn't really the best idea.

"So help me welcome this evening's tell all guest, Levi of Sepia and Happy Berry Sadistic Plum's Riley!" There was a lot of thunderous cheer coming from in front of the stage as we walked out and after a quick glance at the sea of happy faces I looked away. I was nervous. Levi probably realized this because he grabbed my hand and gently pulled me forward to the loveseat we would be sharing and practically forced me to sit before turning to L.N with a sneer.

The host held his hand out to shake with the vocalist but it was left hanging as Levi folded his arms in front of his chest deliberately; his eyes trained on the proffered hand like it was a bug. If L.N. felt snubbed he didn't let it show and instead retracted his hand and sat at his desk as if not all bothered.

I thought perhaps he wasn't annoyed by it and would have continued to think that if not for the first question. He waited until his guest sat down before beginning. "There has been a lot of debate about the possibility of a relationship between the two of you but shaking hands is too hard for you I don't think your fans need to worry about you doing something so complex is falling in love or am I mistaken?"

I couldn't help but burst into laughter as Levi rolled his eyes in the most exaggerated manner possible as if the host was a complete moron. Levi's comeback was even more priceless. "Someone with a limited ability to retain and use knowledge and the lack of deductive skills you portray per usual on this… show… leads me to believe you lack the capacity to carry out simple tasks such as washing your hands after you take a piss. I don't feel the need to touch urine drenched hands." There was a moment of dead silence and in the crowd are wrapped in laughter and Levi had donned his best shit eating grin.

"Hey man" I piped up as L.N.'s face darkened, "you had that one coming. It's a really bad idea to try to 'one up' Levi."

"What's your success count then?" L.N. sounded like he was sulking.

Levi gently grabbed my right arm before I can respond where a still new scar lay exposed for the world to see. "This Shitty Woman has the ultimate win so I don't keep count with her."

L.N. pounced on the nickname "Shitty Woman? Isn't that verbal abuse? You can't seriously call her that…"

_This guy is a riot!_ I thought as I laughed again. L.N. looked at me like I was crazy so I waved my free hand in front of my face until it stopped laughing. "The idea of Levi being abusive," I laughed again, "is hysterical. He saved me… he's never hurt me."

Levi glossed over my admission of being saved and before L.N. could bring up he told me, "That's not entirely true."

The crowd that was cooing immediately went silent. I looked at Levi in confusion only to feel his thumb trace the scar. I felt like a camera was zooming in on it.

"That doesn't even begin to count," I half shouted, "You weren't…"

"You're going to sound like a victim no matter how you deny it," he interrupted me.

"Then explain it to them so they can understand! I'm not going to let you look like the bad guy because I got in the way of you taking your own damn life so start talking!" I then realized what I said and slapped a hand over my mouth. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"This is why you are a Shitty Woman." Levi was grinning.

"That would be a point in your favor if you were keeping count, wouldn't it?" I asked as I removed my hand from my mouth.

"This is going to be fun," Levi told me with a smirk that made my heart race. For the next fifteen minutes Levi explained everything about Petra and also about Christmas and how my words became the lyrics to Sepia's first single. The crowd began to warm up to his crass language and vulgar descriptions and even began to laugh with me for some of it when L.N interrupted.

"We need to take a commercial break but when we get back Sepia will play the first of three songs and I will ask again about the supposed relationship."

The entire commercial break I was silently freaking out. Levi told me I would be going first so that his songs could save the day if I sucked. I felt confident going into this but now I was terrified. What if I screwed up? What if the band was humoring me? What if I was really terrible? But as a stage manager begin to count from ten Levi gently squeezed my arm and I felt better. It was like taking Ativan right before a panic attack.

"Welcome Back!" L.N. cheered as I took a deep breath. "From what I can read on this card Sepia is busting out two brand new songs for us. This first one is called 'The Grey.'" the crowd was going nuts but quickly became confused as I stood and made my way to stand beside the band as they filed onto the stage.

"She asked nicely," Levi told them with a genuine smile. "I'm sure it's a lovely song though."

"You haven't heard it?" L.N. sounded incredulous.

"I don't even know she can sing," he admitted. "All I have is Erwin's word and honestly he could be humoring her."

"Have some faith," Erwin chided into his microphone.

"I've been running low on that for years," Levi countered as if he was used to the argument.

"Um," I interrupted before they could get into it. "Can we do this and then you can argue? This is nerve wracking." Levi swung his arm from where he was sitting as if to say 'by all means'

"I'll count you in." Erwin said calmly and I really appreciated the familiarity. If I closed my eyes we were back in the barn going over the song. "Three, two one."

I hit the keyboard's preprogram to run after twenty seven seconds and began to play as I sang with every emotion I had when I wrote the song. The fear, the hesitation, the worry, the doubt, and above everything the hope. The desire for everything to be okay and right in my world. The desire for Levi to love me even though I was tainted and dirty and used because I was caught in the gray of his eyes.

_I am standing on the edge of returning  
Or just running away  
I am letting myself look the other way  
And the hardest part in all of this is  
I don't think I know my way back home  
Is it worth the journey or do I let my heart settle here_

_How cold have I become  
I didn't want to  
Lose you by what I'd done  
Caught in the grey_

_I don't wanna look you in the eyes  
You might call me away  
I don't wanna give you the chance to make me stay  
And the hardest part in all of this is  
I know my way back I don't want to go  
And let you see all that has become of me  
I should've know, I should've known  
I didn't have a chance_

_How cold have I become  
I didn't want to  
Lose you by what I'd done  
Caught in the grey  
It burns for a moment but  
But then it numbs you  
Takes you and leaves you just  
Caught in the grey_

And then his words. Words spoken to me when I desperately needed something from him. Words that reaffirmed how much Levi meant to me.

_You tell me  
In your deepest pain  
In your weakest hour  
In your darkest night  
You are lovely_

_How cold have I become  
I didn't want to  
Lose you by what I'd done  
Caught in the grey  
It burns for a moment but  
But then it numbs you  
Takes you and leaves you just  
Caught in the grey_

_In your deepest pain  
In your weakest hour  
In your darkest night  
You are lovely_

_I am standing on the edge of returning  
Or just running away._

There was a long, appreciative silence that I heard performers longed for before chaos in the form of cheers and cat calls and stamping feet came at me from all sides. My eyes, which I hadn't realized I closed, flew open to search for Levi. When wild eyes looked on his he was just staring at me. I think he was shocked. Bu before I could do more than smile in triumph he snapped out of it and stood.

As he strode over to me the crowd grew quiet and concerned because Levi looked angry. I knew why though and I knew that he was less angry at me and more so with the people who slowly convinced me to close myself off. I wasn't worried about his anger.

The crowd seemed completely confused as Levi wrapped his arms around me and muttered in a voice that two microphones picked up, "You really are a Shitty Woman. A stupid, foolish, crazy, blindly shitty woman." The crowd was in shock but they really couldn't hope to understand. "I told you. I am not going anywhere. It doesn't matter who has had you or if you wanted them to or not. You're not _allowed_ to run away from me." And in front of all those camera and people he pulled my dreads to tilt my face up and kissed me.

There was a strange, high pitched squealing coming from the girls in the seating that seemed to be a mix of 'aw how cute' and 'noooooo' and several cat calls and wolf whistles from men who _weren't_ interested in Levi. We stayed like that until L.N cleared his throat for what must have been the tenth time and Erwin finally came over and separated us; Levi glared at him like his eyes could spit acid and eat him alive.

When we sat down L.N. glanced between us before asking, "Care to share what we are missing?" Which left me to explain why that song came to mind and all the fears I had back then and why I had them and about how I worried that Levi would walk away when he found out since that is what I learned people did in the past.

Another commercial break passed and L.N immediately jumped back into the gossip mill as soon as we were back on air. "Is that what you meant when you said he saved you?"

I shook my head. "Well, in a way it's connected." I admitted after a moment. "'When you close your eyes and think about the world; what do you see?' Some cheeky therapist asked me that when I was seventeen. I didn't answer her question because it's not like anyone was listening to me anyway but when I closed my eyes no matter what I thought about all I saw was darkness. Just nothing." I felt my shoulders lift in a shrug like it was no big deal because to me it wasn't. "Something changed though. There was a new guy at the T.A.P. and I couldn't stand him. He was a snide, cruel minded, sarcastic asshole who thought he was better than everyone there. That was my first impression.

"I found out he hated Sepia that first day so I played every song I had of theirs at top volume for days to piss him off but the next time we spoke I learned more about this nameless jerk. He was a master at insults, a merciless playboy, a philosopher. His name was Levi. I decided to learn more about the ideas he planted in my head, the thoughts of living for myself and I learned more about him at the same time. Occasional smoker, drained, unfulfilled, pain, loneliness, he hid a lot of secrets and he hid them well… and he had the most beautiful and expressive grey eyes I had ever seen.

"A week before Christmas I noticed that when I closed my eyes I saw not darkness but grey. It was the first color to exist in my world cheesy as all that sounds. That night, Christmas, I don't think I was only saving Levi; if that glass hit its target I would go back to see darkness. My world, it is grey and beige and black and crimson as deep as blood; it may never be a riot of color but it's better than darkness."

To just about everyone else's surprise Levi laughed; almost like he was relieved. "Riley," he almost never said my name so I looked over at him in surprise. "Do you know why the band is called Sepia?" When I shook my head he explained. "The day we formed, Erwin and I were discussing philosophy and he asked me how I saw the world. I asked what he thought the answer was, not because I cared about his opinion but because I needed time to gather my thoughts without sitting there looking like an idiot. He answered that he thought I was the type to see things in black and white. I told him that was stupid. Black and white implies decisiveness, one thing and another, either or. Life, to me, has always been dull, a meaningless place with no beauty, no color and no purpose. Like a sepia photograph where bland colors meld and the shot is grainy. He asked me if Sepia photos could change and I answered that a photo is a photo; the only thing that changes is the person looking at it. So he tried again and asked if there was a way a sepia photo could gain beauty. Could the meaningless gain meaning? I told him it wasn't possible. Not for me.

"The words I said at the barbeque on New Year's Day, _vous apporter la beauté et le sens dans mon monde sepia_, they mean 'you bring beauty and meaning to my sepia world.' So quit being a shit and accept that you're stuck with me. If you need further proof then listen closely. You picked the words for Right Here but these are mine. Hey host, it's time for another song now right?"

L.N was just sitting there staring in shock so Levi snapped his fingers in the man's face irritably. "Huh, oh, uh, yeah. This is the second new song right? It's called, 'If I'm James Dean You're Audrey Hepburn.'"

I heard Erwin tell Levi, "I told you so," as they all walked back on stage and Hanji ran over to give the vocalist a hug (when she got close enough he punched her in the gut and pointed at the drums in silent command) Mike just adjusted his instrument of choice for the song.

Levi didn't need a count in and instead the whole band started together simply through years of practice, Levi sang in a higher pitch than usual and even though he seemed to struggle against it, his eyes kept straying back to me.

_Stay for tonight  
If you want to  
I can show you  
What my dreams are made of,  
as I'm dreaming of your face  
I've been away for a long time  
Such a long time  
And I miss you there  
I can't imagine being anywhere else  
I can't imagine being anywhere else but here_

_How the hell did you ever pick me?  
Honestly, I could sing you a song  
But I don't think words can express your beauty  
It's singing to me  
How the hell did we end up like this?  
You bring out the beast in me  
I fell in love from the moment we kissed  
Since then we've been history_

_They say that love is forever  
Your forever is all that I need  
Please stay as long as you need  
Can't promise that things won't be broken  
But I swear that I will never leave  
Please stay forever with me_

_(It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are)_  
_What my dreams are made of and I_  
_(Can't fall asleep_  
_I lay in my bed awake at night)_  
_As I dream of you_  
_(And I'll fall in love, you'll fall in love_  
_It could mean everything, everything to me)_  
_I can't imagine being anywhere else._

_They say that love is forever  
Your forever is all that I need  
Please stay as long as you need  
Can't promise that things won't be broken  
But I swear that I will never leave  
Please stay forever_

_The way that we are  
It's the reason I stay  
As long as you're here with me  
I know I'll be Ok_

_They say that love is forever_  
_Your forever is all that I need_  
_Please stay as long as you need_  
_Can't promise that things won't be broken_  
_But I swear that I will never leave_  
_Please stay forever with me._

I couldn't move, I could barely breathe. And it wasn't the lyrics that hit me so hard, though they did pack a punch. It was his voice; because Levi knew I would be able to tell from the sound of his voice how strong my impact on him was.

As Levi assured the audience in his usual vocal way that he wasn't proposing via music or something stupid like that I just sat there doing the world's best imitation of an idiot. I am pretty sure L.N directed a few questions at me but Levi just encouraged him to leave me be. He didn't tell anyone that is wasn't just the lyrics and I was in no state to explain. I just sat there with a smile on my face and tears I refused to shed in my eyes until after Sepia played Right Here as their third song and the show wrapped up.

I was only physically aware of anything when Levi dropped me onto a hotel bed and kissed me heatedly as he pulled off the leggings that the studio put me in.

Perhaps if we had time to think we would know just how much of an issue this interview was and we might have planned accordingly but instead we spent the night in each other's arms completely unaware of the woman standing outside our hotel door with a recording device catching any sounds we made and a deranged smile that bordered between hysteria and grief.

* * *

**A/N: Well I don't know if it's a good thing or not but there is more to come, I wasn't sure if I would end it here or not but I do have some more plot so bear with me.**

**Songs Used:**

**The Grey by Icon For Hire (Riley's Song, it's a great song so if you are in the mood for new music go check it out.)**

**If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens. (The song Levi sang. Again great song, bit of screaming if that doesn't bother you.)**


End file.
